How many times a week do you see your bf/gf?

[valley85]

I need some advice
My gf and I have been together 3 years now, but I think we communicate too little and see each other not enough.

We rarely talk on the phone, but text almost everyday. Sometimes I initiate texting, sometimes she does. I'd say at the present, we are texting 6/7 days of the week or 5/7 days. But the 1 or 2 days when we go dead silent (don't text), I miss her terribly.
If there is a day that we don't text or I don't hear from her, I don't feel right. However, on more than one occasion she has seemed fine. It almost seems like she didn't even miss me. Somehow, she seems like the lazier one though.

Because of work and school, we go out at least twice a week:

1 weekend day & 1 weekday.


At the very least, I want to talk to her everyday.

Are we communicating too little? Sometimes I feel so lonely. I want to see her everyday, or every other day. I want us to grow closer. I felt so happy when my folks were on vacation and she came over every other day.

we live 20 mins apart.
Are we normal? H0w often do you see your bf/gf?
Do couples normally go out more frequently?
Do they talk several times a day, or whenever they have free time?
Am I being too needy?

Thanks

[CAM]

We text 5 or 6 times a week. This month, we spent 10 full days/nights together. Normally, we see each other 1-2 times per week. It has been this way for a year, although we were sleeping together one day per week, but that seems to have been replaced by these longer more intense periods of time together. We have sex at least twice a day when we are together. I used to feel anxious when I wouldn't hear from or see her for days, but since this is "normal" for our relationship, I don't worry. I have it in the back of my mind that it could all end at any time for any reason. At the same time, however, I hope that it does not end

[pisces25]

I am in a looooong distance relationship (different countries) so at present we see each other twice a year for 1-2 months at a time. But we communicate every day by Skype, text or IM. Even when we are really busy we will take 5 mins just to say hi and goodnight or whatever. I would feel weird if a day goes by and we didn't do this. I think it's an important part of our intimacy and staying involved in each other's lives and I am glad we are on the same page regarding this.

Have you spoken to your GF about this issue? Has the contact always been like this since the beginning? I think it's important you talk to her if it is bothering you.

[valley85]

Have you spoken to your GF about this issue? Has the contact always been like this since the beginning? I think it's important you talk to her if it is bothering you.

Nope, but contact has improved a great deal since the beginning. We used to communicate even less. She's an emotional girl, it seems she only texts me when something comes up, or whatever pops into her mind ... whereas I like the regular, predictable texts (even if nothing special happened that day).

I haven't talk to her about it, I've been hoping she would adapt to my texting patterns and catch on. She hasn't really.

I'm kinda scared to talk to her about it. I thought this stuff would come pretty naturally after 3 years and I would feel more secure.

[pisces25]

You can't really sit around hoping someone will do something if you haven't made it clear what it is you want. Just have a chat to her about it, on an informal level, to tell her that you feel you need more contact. It sounds as though it is probably hindering the progression of your relationship so it is pretty important to communicate how you are feeling. After 3 years you guys should be able to chat about anything.

[valley85]

You can't really sit around hoping someone will do something if you haven't made it clear what it is you want. Just have a chat to her about it, on an informal level, to tell her that you feel you need more contact. It sounds as though it is probably hindering the progression of your relationship so it is pretty important to communicate how you are feeling. After 3 years you guys should be able to chat about anything.

It seems like she only texts me daily if she needs help on homework or something. If not, then she would text me like once n 2-3 days. I don't like the feeling, it's like she's keeping me on a long fishing line, throwing just enough bait to keep me alive. I don't know how to bring this up with her, without sounding accusatory.

[thiudiskr]

Every single day.

[Saya]

It seems like she only texts me daily if she needs help on homework or something. If not, then she would text me like once n 2-3 days. I don't like the feeling, it's like she's keeping me on a long fishing line, throwing just enough bait to keep me alive. I don't know how to bring this up with her, without sounding accusatory.

You need to tell her this so that she can understand.


I live with my bf now so I am usually with him 24/7 since we both work at home... (24/7 is pretty long time to be around someone....)
But we used to be in a long-distance relationship and we would see each other every 2 weeks for a bout few days or 1-2weeks. Or sometimes one month.
But we would talk on the phone/msg/MSN everyday for couple of hours.

[valley85]

You need to tell her this so that she can understand.

I brought this up once before.

It never stuck with her. She did it for a week or two, and then reverted back to her regular, less caring habit.
When talking to her, there are times when I feel I want to hammer the point home, literally. lol.

Any ideas on how I can talk to her about it this time, so it'll stick?

[searock]

We live in the same town but his family lives in another region. He visits them for a couple months a year, so we don't see each other during those periods. Other than that, we see each other basically every day, apart from the occasional day (or couple of days) in which we don't meet up, but keep in touch via text/chat. We always say good night and good morning, and update each other on anything that happens to us (even silly things).

When you talked to her about this issue, did she seem to understand? I think that she doesn't feel comfortable with spending more time together than you already do. It's not like she's doing it on purpose, she just naturally goes back to this pattern, because it's what feels right for her. There isn't much you can do, but if it keeps bothering you, I think you should talk to her about it until you either are OK with it, she somehow changes (be aware that she won't be happy if she feels like she's pressured to do it, whether purposely or not), or you two break up.

[valley85]

When you talked to her about this issue, did she seem to understand? I think that she doesn't feel comfortable with spending more time together than you already do. It's not like she's doing it on purpose, she just naturally goes back to this pattern, because it's what feels right for her. There isn't much you can do, but if it keeps bothering you, I think you should talk to her about it until you either are OK with it, she somehow changes (be aware that she won't be happy if she feels like she's pressured to do it, whether purposely or not), or you two break up.

Last time I talked to her about it, it was a pathetic "I wish u would text me more."
I should have been more detailed, and more gone deeper.

She's a busy girl, she works part-time and goes to school now. This week, she only initiated texting once. All the other days, I've been the one texting her (she does still text back though). I'm a bit upset.

As pisces25 said, I think contact is a very important step to advancing our intimacy and our relationship. We've been together for 3 years, but to me, it still feels like we haven't met for too long. Sometimes I feel like a friend, not a boyfriend. I want to go further with her, be even more comfortable. I don't wanna hold back from texting her and twiddle my thumbs at home. Right now, it's like theres a barrier between us, somehow. A barrier I badly want gone.

I think you are right, maybe she is comfortable with the current pattern. It's just me whose feeling a bit lonely. She has far more friends and family than I do to keep her occupied. I, on the other hand, don't.

[searock]

Then I really think you should work on getting friends and hobbies of your own. I get the impression that you are putting way too much "weight" on your relationship. It's like you *need* it in order to be happy. Before you can be in a happy relationship, you need to be able to be happy and satisfied on your own.

Basically what you want is for her to need you as much as you need her? You need to stop considering yourself the weak partner of the couple, the one who has to work hard for her love and attention. You two should be equals, not lover and loved, but both.

[valley85]

Basically what you want is for her to need you as much as you need her?

Yeah. She's actually brought this problem up before ... shes said that she feels like I'm doing all the work in the relationship, and she said we should be equals. Needless to say, I'm not eager to have a repeat of that conversation with her (didn't go well last time we did).

I have been working on it, and being more assertive. I think I go too far sometimes though. Once she was sick and I was still pushing for sex. She got a bit mad.

I don't know how I can be an equal. It's like I push too far, or I'm too good to her.

There are days when we don't talk to each other at all.

any advice?

[searock]

Man, don't *ever* push for sex. You remind me of my ex boyfriend, he needed me way more than I needed him, he was often clingy and pushed for sex basically every time we saw each other. All his behavior did was push me further from him every day. I sort of understand your girlfriend - she needs space.

You want to be her equal? Do what she does. She doesn't text you, don't text her. She doesn't initiate sex, don't initiate sex. She'll either come around, or you'll realize, as a couple, that it's just not working.

Right now your relationship is entirely misbalanced. I'm actually surprised *she* was the one to bring up the subject of you doing all the work, since it's you who should be feeling worse about it. It's not right for either of you. I'm pretty sure she feels guilty about it, and you evidently feel miserable because of it. Work on balancing it out.

[valley85]

Man, don't *ever* push for sex. You remind me of my ex boyfriend, he needed me way more than I needed him, he was often clingy and pushed for sex basically every time we saw each other. All his behavior did was push me further from him every day. I sort of understand your girlfriend - she needs space.

You want to be her equal? Do what she does. She doesn't text you, don't text her. She doesn't initiate sex, don't initiate sex. She'll either come around, or you'll realize, as a couple, that it's just not working.

Right now your relationship is entirely misbalanced. I'm actually surprised *she* was the one to bring up the subject of you doing all the work, since it's you who should be feeling worse about it. It's not right for either of you. I'm pretty sure she feels guilty about it, and you evidently feel miserable because of it. Work on balancing it out.

Thanks Searock. Your advice how to become an equal really, really helped me!

we are both in our late 20's. We (especially me) don't have time for childish games. That stuff might have been interesting in high school, or university. waiting for text to create "attraction" doesn't work. neither does calling 'ocassionally'.

I work hard to fulfill our goals. But I can't have her playing games. You know, theres many times I want to tell her to grow up. I'm saving up for the important things in our life, working hard, and she seems to be dallying, still somewhere back there in her la-la land. There's no security for me.

actually you know what this is something I'm gonna bring up with her. It's detrimental to everything I do. The games need to stop. We should be communicating and going out a lot more than this. She needs to smarten up, and grow up. now.