Was I right to break up with GF of 2 years?

[kavanap]

I am interested to hear people’s opinions on this. My ex-girlfriend and I have recently broken up after 2 years together. We got on pretty well most of the time but as I got to know her better I noticed some peculiarities about her personality. In particular, she had a deep seated mistrust of the world and was borderline obsessed with conspiracy theories and supernatural notions. I did some research and found out that people like this are known as ‘Cranks’. They believe fervently in all sorts of unrelated conspiracies and ‘bad science’ to the point that they live their lives according to these bizarre theories.

At first I thought it was just a bit of fun (conspiracy theories, New World Order etc...) not to be taken too seriously, but as I got to know her better I realised that it had a much more darker side. She spent many hours a day browsing the internet reading all of this type of stuff and believed everything she read. For example, she believed that the government put fluoride in tap water to dumb down the nation and that microwaves were dangerous (she would stand behind a wall if someone turned it on). I know this sounds funny, but believe me, it’s very hard to live with this someone like this! Also, she didn’t trust conventional medicine and believed that every major disease was created by the pharmaceutical industry just to make money. As a result she bought an ‘alternative’ medicine called ‘miracle mineral solution’ (or MMS for short) over the internet which claims to cure everything from AIDS to cancer! I googled the product and found very disturbing articles including a FDA warning not to use it because it produces a potent bleach when ingested.

When I explained to her what I had found she totally rejected my concern and said that the FDA is also in on the conspiracy! It shocked me to see how gullible she was and that she couldn’t see how damage she could be doing to herself. When she started to take this MMS she began to feel ill but she told me that this was ok because it was ‘removing all the toxins and bad bacteria from my system’ and this was proof that it was working! I pleaded with her to see sense but to no avail. She also believed in the most bizarre conspiracy theories – for instance, that the British Royal family were secretly ‘Reptilians’ from another planet. I also found some cheques written out to some “Shaman healer” to do a ‘distance healing’! WTF?? I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. This type of behaviour and belief system put an incredible amount of pressure on our relationship with the result that I eventually decided that I couldn’t be with someone like this. And there was no reasoning with her, it was like she was brainwashed. She would also constantly check my phone and web history. And she knew my computer password! I have no idea how! I probably don’t even know the half of it, she was very secretive, who knows what else she was thinking or money she wasted.

On the other hand, she could be quite rational about other things in her life, like when it came to work for instance. This, I found very confusing. How can someone be so rational about some things and totally irrational about other things?

The thing is I still love her but I don’t think we can build a healthy relationship together...

I'd appreciate people's thoughts on this and would love to hear from anybody who has had a similar experience...

[Boisdevie]

I think you're made a correct decision. She sounds borderline mentally ill. You are best off out of this situation.

[HeartIsAching]

Yep... you were right. It's damn near impossible to maintain a relationship with someone you're contemptuous of.

[surfhb]

Although it wouldnt surprise me if all of those were true, I think you did the right thing. .


I'm sorry about this....kind of a bummer situation

[gardenofjade]

The government did put flouride in the water, they used the excuse to fight tooth decay. But this is the same government that practiced eugenics until about 1960. So she is right in a sense. She's smart. She also is right about BigPharma. All this means is that she has some liberal knowledge that conservatives refuse to explore. If you don't want to believe there is more knowledge out there then that is your choice. She won't buy into you or your family. So yes, you made the right decision.

She would have been bored in your relationship because you limit choices.

As for the reptilian royals, she is speaking in metaphor. I understand that language. It's symbols. Wasting money on that stuff is her hobby. Depends if she starts getting into cult behavior, then it gets to where she is mental. But there are tests for that. If she can't hold a job, if she has halucinations, if she doesn't make lasting friendships.

[kavanap]

Thanks for your replies guys!

Don't get me wrong, I don't thing its necessarily unhealthy to have an interest in conspiracies. Actually it's prob a good thing to have a level of scepticism. But when it becomes an obsession its different. Especially when you may be harming yourself with 'alternative' medication. I think, for her, its all rooted in fear and trust issues.by her own admission, she was raised in dysfunctional family (alcoholic father, mother in denial etc...) and was bullied pretty badly at school. I know this had an enormous effect on her. Because of this I kept making excuses for her behaviour and ended up driving myself crazy!

[HorseTrails7]

I read your post and I have to tell you she was actually right about microwaves and as someone else also mentioned, water (but I'm not so sure about the "dumbing down" explanation). Do not stand near microwaves when they are cooking and also let your food cool down some before you eat. Microwaves are probably one of the worst things we have in our home that give off radiation. I recently found out hair dryers do. Computers do and especially anything that has do to with wireless internet. Cell phones also, they have informational material at wireless stores. There are medical findings to back all of this up. Technology does help us but it also hurts our health. People that live under those power towers are getting cancer. I agree with most of these posts. Its good to have a healthy curiosity about whats really going on in the world, but like you said an obsession is not healthy. All these appliances give off different levels and what really matters is how much you are exposing yourself to them and how much you are at risk because of your health or family health history.

[HorseTrails7]

I forgot to say something...I agree, don't think it was right of her to be searching through your computer and phone. That is not healthy, there has to be trust and personal respect. It's always been strange to me to see couples who have to know everything about the other. They know their passwords and pin codes and every place they went! I just want to say, "Calm down and have a little faith!" If someone is a trustworthy person then they should be entitled to their own privacy. Unless you were cheating on her and she saw the red flags then there is no real reason for her to be looking through your stuff. Even then I would tread lightly. Hopefully she doesn't know you wrote this since you say she can hack into things. Or maybe it would be a good thing, reading our comments...who knows.

[gardenofjade]

Every family is dysfunctional. She sounds really smart. Maybe her insecurity about her family is an issue she will get over with love and affection. Good thing you're not around to bring her down. She needs someone more spirited and supportive.

[kavanap]

I wasn't really to concerned about her beliefs until she started taking MMS stuff

Every family is dysfunctional.

Not true, no family is 'perfect' but not all are dysfuntional

She sounds really smart.

Ok, seems like your into this type of stuff too

Maybe her insecurity about her family is an issue she will get over with love and affection. Good thing you're not around to bring her down. She needs someone more spirited and supportive.

I hope she does get over it. She poured her heart out to me about it on our 1st date! Most guys prob would've have run a mile. I was very supportive about her family issues, however I couldn't with all good conscience support all of her 'alternative' views. She was down long before she met me. She already had one previous suicide attempt and had suffered from depression.