Do I Wait?

**BeStill** · 04-04-12, 02:10 PM

Hello everyone. I am in some desperate need for advice. My story is complicated but i'll try to be as brief as possible. I apologize for being scatterbrained and disorganized.

4 years ago I was with a girl who I fell in love with. We had a fantastic relationship and were seemingly perfect for each other. One day, out of the blue, she tells me that she doesn't want to be with me anymore because she was scared of getting too attached for how young we were. Months went by with continued contact until she finally decided to be with me again. Unfortunately, we found ourselves in the same predicament as we were still falling head over heals for each other but she still couldn't handle getting so serious. Our relationship ended for a second time! Now a year or so goes by and she tells me she wants to be with me again as she feels she's ready to settle down and be in a mature, adult relationship; however, being young and stubborn, I refused (after her breaking up with me twice) to get back with her even though I was still in love with her. She's not the type of girl to play games and is wise beyond our years (mid 20s). I know that she was just genuinely scared of getting too attached to me.

Fast forward a couple months and I meet a girl who I end up having strong feelings for and decide to try and move on from my ex. Little did I know that it would turn into a 3 year relationship. Now although my relationship with the new girl was great and we got along extremely well, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about my ex and for the first year my ex was still contacting me telling me how in love with me she was. So 2 years into my relationship I decide to write a letter to my ex professing my love for her and stating my regret for not choosing to be with her again. Come to find out that she had since started a relationship with a new guy. She responded to the letter and told me that she couldn't wait for me any longer and that she didn't feel the same anymore. Inevitably I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years because I am still in love with my ex.

So here I am a year later after the initial letter and (after 4 years now) still completely, unconditionally in love with my ex. I am single but my ex is with the same guy she was with a year ago. I know that I will never be able to love someone as much as I love her and I want more than anything to be with her again.

What should I do? I haven't talked to her since the letter and she is still with her boyfriend of a year. I just know how much she loved me and there's no way she couldn't still love me. My heart keeps telling me to wait and a part of me knows that we will be together again some day; however, my logical self also realizes that there is a possibility that she may never break up with her boyfriend. Even if she does she may not want to be with me again.

Someone give me some guidance!

**searock** · 04-04-12, 07:55 PM

You messed everything up. How could you possibly stay in a relationship with a girl for 3 years during which you thought of another girl every single day!? You *knew* that you were not in love with your girlfriend. Why did you not break up sooner? Poor girl.

Also, I think you've lost your chance with your first ex. You had a whole year to break up with the new girl and go back to her (why on earth you didn't do it is beyond me, since apparently you knew that you were in love with her the whole time), yet you waited an extra year during which she stopped contacting you, before "waking up" and realizing your mistake. And even then you still didn't break up with your new girlfriend, instead chose to emotionally cheat on her even more by sending a love letter to your ex. If you were serious about it, you should have broken up - THEN sent the letter.

I suggest you just do your best to move on from your first ex (since you never even gave a chance to the new girl so you don't need to move on from her), and start being more honest with yourself and with others.

**BeStill** · 06-04-12, 09:42 AM

I was a coward and sacrificed happiness for convenience. It's something I will regret for the rest of my life and will always think about; however, I have learned from my mistakes and, emotionally, I have matured allow me to take responsibility for my actions. I was a real shadow of man and what I did was not only selfish but dishonest, to myself, to my girlfriend, and to my ex.

Just to rehash as to why I did not want to get back with my ex: She had broken up with me twice and sent me on an emotional roller coaster that I was too stubborn to get back on. Finding my new girlfriend seemed like a way to move on, unfortunately it just reassured me that I was meant to be with my ex.

I really think I should wait it out and just pray that the best thing for my ex is to in fact be with me and that she realizes this.