What is she thinking

[Down&Out]

i'm in my mid twenties and have a solid job now. She is 23 and just finished college. She moved back home after school while she looks for a job and took a job in the mean time in order to save some money. Oddly enough she is from a neighboring town to my home town which is over two hours from where I live now. I traveled to her town two weekends in a row and we spent most of the weekend together going on dates and such (I stayed at my parents) Then the third weekend she was up for doing dinner with some of my friends (a married couple). I ended up in a car accident and couldn't come up. The next few weekends things came up that didn't allow us to see each other. Then this past weekend I was home for easter and we met up for dinner. After the accident I felt like she may be pulling away a little but she still called me back quickly whenever I would call. At dinner I asked her how she felt about things towards the end of dinner. She said originally she felt ready for a relationship but had realized with the uncertainty of knowing where she was going in terms of finding a job and the distance that she didn't feel ready. I'm currently studying for a professional exam that is very demanding and expressed that I agreed it would be hard on me as well to take time on the weekends to travel the two hours and spend time with her. She said she loves spending time with me. I told her I had no plans to look around and that if I were to find time for a date I would like it to be with her. She then said to let her know if I were to change my mind. My question is did she lose interest or is there a fair chance that she does like me and feels like backing off for now? She has never had a serious relationship and seems very independent. I also texted her happy easter the next day with no response which I found surprising. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

[smackie9]

When someone does a 180 it usually means there is someone else that interests them. It sounds like she really isn't into that you that much, the tip off is that you are the initiator and she doesn't make a true effort like coming to see you or be the one to call you. Tip: if they hesitate or say they are unsure, or come up any kind of excuse (which she has) to agree on being in a relationship with you, then it's a bust.

[Down&Out]

I can't imagine there being someone else given the small town she is in but I do get what you are saying. Any idea why she would say to let her know if I decide I would like to go on a date with someone? Also I was just feeling her out and not trying to push a relationship. It's not the best timing for me either. Just wanted to see where she was at. She also paid for dinner which was very nice. Insisted since she now had a job and I had paid in the past.

[smackie9]

Insisting to pay is the marker. Paying leaves a differnt message for men vs women. Most case when a man insists on paying he is showing his interest, when a woman insists it usually means she is blocking that interest, and doesn't want to feel obligated. Losing interest can happen at anytime. If feelings don't develop or progress after a certain time, they tend to distance themselves and hope you will just give up.

This is what I tell most guys in your situation, if a women truly has a strong romanitic interest, they never let distance or anything else get in their way. If you are not really seeing it here (heavy flirting, hand holding, touching, kissing, public affection, sweet talk etc), most likely it ain't gonna happen.

[Down&Out]

Thanks for the input. So what about her saying to tell her if I change my mind about seeing others? I want to date others if she is not interested. Do I just move on or try and clear things up with her.

[smackie9]

Well how did you feel when she said that to you? what kind of message did that send? If you were really interested in someone would you say that to them? I think not....there is no need to clear anything up with her, the message is loud and clear that she isn't interested. Women/girls don't like being confrontational about rejecting someone.....she is trying to turn you down gently. You can relay a message to her that since things don't seem to be progressing, that you have decided it would be best to move on.

[Down&Out]

That seems like great advice. Would it be best to do it over text/call? Just send a kind message that I'm essentially not waiting around.

[Down&Out]

well I texted her which looking back I should have called. Said something along the lines of holding up my end on telling her if I wanted to date around and that I wished her the best. Also said I really liked her but the feeling didn't seem mutual so it was time to move on. She replied saying thanks and that she was sorry the timing wasn't good and that I deserve a great girl. Usually I would get that saying timing is bad would just be a BS excuse but not in this case. She is two and a half hours away and doesn't always have a full weekend off. She is just realistic. I was thinking the same thing on my end. Either way what is done is done. Could there be a future with her? Maybe I will contact her when my test is finished. Kinda feel like I acted on emotion here and cant say that I feel good about it. I appreciate all the input but it feels like coming on this site is only a sign that my confidence has hit rock bottom. I need to focus on other things.

[smackie9]

To prevent your confidence from hitting rock bottom is to not invest too much of your feelings or time on someone that doesn't reciprocate. This was a one sided deal where you did most of the traveling, arranging and initiating. She wasn't making the same effort as you were. That right there is an indication that you needed to stop and to reassess the situation.

You didn't get any resistance from her about your decision to move on, that's because she is letting out a sigh of relief and when she says you deserve a great girl....that's a push off. A girl that is interested wouldn't dare say such a thing. I have a feeling you were friend zoned.

You didn't acted upon emotion, you acted upon a gut feeling or we wouldn't be having this discussion. You knew what was coming. Your comment about receiving a "bs excuse of bad timing" gives me the impression that you hear that too often. Maybe you would like to discuss some of that. Maybe I can help you get out of this pattern with girls.

[Down&Out]

I was doing the traveling because I spend most of my time during the spring back home. In a way it seemed great that she was near my home until I got in the accident and couldn't get up there. Don't know how she would have come down here that early on. Seemed a little early to be spending the night. We were kissing and holding hands so I don't think the friend zone was in sight. Things startEd off well but the three weeks of distance didn't help. That's when I started getting concerned. I have only had one girl in the past give me the timing excuse. At dinner she was flirting and playing with her hair. All seamed well until I asked where she stood. I couldn't do a relationship either but wanted to see if we could keep it slow until we were both in a better place. Just feels like it got really confusing out of no where and I was being retarded and text her.

[smackie9]

Well 3 weeks is enough for her to maybe find another interest. Like I said if she was really interested in you enough, the distance would not have mattered, nor the lack of time to see each other. It just wasn't in the cards for you. Oh well nothing to get discouraged over really....plenty of fish in the sea.