She is from the USA, I'm a guy from Europe

[eCrush]

Hello there,

A detailed introduction is necessary, so sorry for the lengthy read:

I have been playing an online game for a few years now and because people can interact with each other, "clans" have established themselves there. I am currently in such a clan and so is this girl from America, Emily. Emily quit playing the game at the end of last year and before that, we were already friends. I did not feel anything for her or so and I rarely talked to her even. However, I found that she was a genuinely nice girl who was just enjoying the game without looking for attention or anything. She came back to the game just a month ago and I honestly hadn't missed her. A month ago, I was (and still am) Staff member of one of those clans and when she returned, she was appointed staff member too, for the same section. Just because we were going to be "colleagues", sort of, I started chatting with her about the technical procedures etc of our duties that we were bound to. And this is where it all started.


I mostly talked to her about clan-related stuff, but I started to like her more and more, though. At the same time, I'd been considering to leave that clan because of all the flirting and sexual remarks that were being made by other male members (I'm telling you this, because later this will become important). I "complained" to her about it, which is quite weird as we're both 18 years old and we're actually supposed (?) to like such flirting etc., and she fully agreed with me. At that stage she found out that I'm not 'like all those other guys" and at the same time, my interest was growing. In the last few days, she also found out that I am a very sensitive guy (if that matters).

IMPORTANT detail for what follows: I never saw any picture of her and she never described how she looked, so everything I am feeling is genuine.

1-2 weeks, I started talking to her about other random non-real life stuff, such as other games, and I was surprised, yet happy to discover that she also plays another game that I play too. Long story short: a new topic was born and we ended up playing that game and talking about it. This is where I started to feel something for her.

And those feelings got stronger this week (last 7 days). Usually when she goes online, it is already 7PM where I live and each time we talk to each other, we end up talking until I eventually go to bed. Clans are usually very tight-knit minicommunities. However, Emily is like... the privacy queen of the clan and she really does not share any personal information on the site of the clan. No one has ever seen a picture of her either and she even made all her stuff on YouTube private so that it actually looks like an abandoned channel, etc.

However, just during the last 5 days of talking, I have found out that she lives in New York (city), that the area where she lives has 500 000 people, that she also is not only one who orders chichen + french fries in a restaurant because they don't like anything else, that she has quite some allergies, that she has 2 older brothers, etc etc... I also assume that she is shy because of all those privacy measurements. When I ask her personal real life questions, she also always answers them, not detailed though, and I answer hers too.

Now to the apotheosis of this topic: I have known her, as in "really known" her, for a good 2 weeks now and we're chatting for like 5 hours per day now with only taking very little breaks (let's say 10 minutes maximum and not even a lot of times) and I really think that we are compatible. Everything she likes, I like it too, and vice versa. We really get along very well, in a natural way. I mean, we are not "forcing" our conversations. For example, yesterday she PM'd me saying just this "My allergies are so bad today "... And there we went for 5 hours of chatting that just seemed to go on automatically. I repeat again, I really think that we are compatible. We even live in the only 2 western (America + Europe) cities in which Yiddish is still spoken (isn't that the absolute symbol of compatibility?).


Now here is the thing:

She is an extremely efficient gamer and wasting time is not an option for her. YEt she doesn't mind talking to me for hours and hours. Does that mean that she likes me (a lot)? Extra information: She is usally also very silent in the ingame chat features etc...
The problem is that I have developed a crush for her and it annoys me a bit. I even get jealous when she speaks with other guys now.

So, first of all, I would like some tips. I eventually want to say that I really have feelings for her IF my feelings don't go away within, let's say... a month time. But I don't want to do anything wrong, because she really is the nicest and most mature girl I ever talked to, so I don't want to lose her. At the same time, I want to keep chatting with her to see if she really does feel something too (what do you think?).

Seconly, I have always believed in falling in love on the internet, just relationships are sort of impossible, in my opinion, unless you are willing to move etc etc. However, I am from Belgium and I am a student Applied Linguistics (translating/interpreting) and even before Emily came back to the game, I had already planned to move to either the UK, the USA or Australia after my studies. Now knowing that Emily is from New York, which is in America... suddenly a lot of new doors of long term opportunities open up for me....

So what I eventually want to say is: If I keep feeling for her and if she gives signs that she does too (if she does), then I would deem it quite probable to move to New York after my studies. So therefore, I really do consider her to be the love of my life and the one I could spend the rest of my life with. I just need help on working towards that so that this "dream", because that is actually what it is now, will come true one day. And I hope that some of you can give some useful advice + tell me whether or not she most likely likes me at this stage.

P.S.: I'm not sure if I have stated it somewhere, but we are both 18 years old.

Thanks in advance and sorry again for thee lenghty read. With keeping the below in mind, I am definitely not going to give her up.

[Cerby]

Have you done anything more than PM? Exchange pictures, skype, etc?

[smackie9]

Remember that internet relationships are 20% reality and 80% fantasy. You tend to spin an image of this person out of your imagination to fulfill you daydreams. You need to step back and see the reality of this thing. You both live worlds apart and you are 18. There isn't a real chance of actually dating each other, that's the realityof it....you are wasting your time. Secondly this girl in only emotionally attached to you, and quite possibly not sexually attracted to you. I suspect she is enjoying the attention, but only looks at you as a friend....which we call being in the "friend zone". Also I need to add you just can't move to the US. That country is in economic trouble and they don't just let anyone have a work visa. There is a lot of things you will have to concider before doing such a thing.....you have never met, so she or you might be quite disappointed with whom you have been crushing on all this time. So I'm saying you better snap out of this haze you are in before you get yourself in any deeper.

[cast no shadow]

Starting a relationship with someone from other country could be devastating.

My ex is from the US and I met him while I was studying there for a semester, and we broke up when I got back home.
It was really sudden in a way, as one day you are the happiest couple and one day you are over. I'm still heart broken,
and must say kinda 'traumatized' from it.

He had before that a girlfriend he met in Europe where he lived for two years, they were really inlove and the girl moved
to the US for him. The place where she found a job was about 6 hours away from where he lived, and after a while he
broke up with her because he couldn't handle the drive all the time.

Of course, so I won't sound that depressing, you can find people who made it work.

What I am saying is that you need to remember that the US is a big place, and not always where you will find a school
will be close to where she will live. Also, in the mean time you have (I guess) about four years of really really long-distance relationship.
I must say that I constantly thinking about how to get back there to be with my ex. I still love him greatly,
but in someway the fact that I have this longing that I can't get rid off only makes my healing be harder, and I do try to work on it.

So be careful, you're still very young, and have all you collage years before you.
But if you do think and desire to go on it - good-luck! If you both so in to it you could find a way to make it work.
I even a little bit jealous for your courage!

[JohnBrown]

"She" might be a 40 year old man from Nigeria who'll ask you for some money in a month after you've decided to get married.

I'm sure the right woman for you is in Europe - you'll meet her soon.

[smackie9]

Like what most would recommend with this type of situation......date locally.