Girlfriend lied, have I done the right thing?

[alphadogg]

Hello everyone,

My (ex)girlfriend and I were together for 6 months. We both trusted and loved each other, and things were pretty much perfect. Until Monday.

On Monday she decided to tell me she was with her Grandma, when in fact she wasn't. She was with her ex boyfriend. The same ex boyfriend who used to stalk her when she was at work, the same ex boyfriend who chased us in his car when he saw us leaving her house, the same ex boyfriend who texted her from a random number, pretending to be someone else just so that he could talk to her again.

I could tell she was lying, and eventually on Tuesday I discovered the truth. I've always said to her that if a girl lies to me, that's the end of the relationship. Because I believe (rightly or wrongly) that once the trust between two people is broken, you can never get it back. And I will stand by that for as long as I live.

So on Tuesday evening, while she was at her ex boyfriend's, and without her knowing I knew where she was, I went to her mum's house and took all my stuff back. And then I sent her a text saying the relationship was over. Her mum was crying her eyes out as she knows her daughter has made an absolutely incomprehensibly stupid decision.

She told me she was only seeing her ex to patch things up, and to clear the air. But why lie about it? And why be over at his place every night since Monday? I believe I have done the right thing. The first sign of potentially getting hurt and I will get out of the relationship. I keep asking myself what I'd say to a friend if they were in my situation. And although it hurts, I'm set on following it through.

Have I done the right thing? Do you think they deserve each other? I'm starting to realise that she didn't deserve me, and although I was very happy in the relationship, I knew it would come to an end at some point. I feel like it's a shame she has chosen to go backwards in her life. Over the last 6 months I had helped her sort her life out, but now she's back where she started. I tried. But at the end of the day, I have to now concentrate on myself. And that's what I plan to do.

[THX]

You did the right thing. IF she makes an ENORMOUS effort to apologize and explain her actions and you are satisfied with those explanations you MIGHT want to re consider , but not until.

[Boisdevie]

You did the right thing. And obviously the relationship wasn't perfect was it - otherwise she wouldn't have done that

[steviej]

Definitely mate, you did the right thing, unlike 99% of people who come here!

[THX]

I really respect the way you handled it. It's what I would like to believe I would do in a similar situation. No big scene. No, "How could you". Just got your stuff and sent the text. You walk away with your pride and dignity.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

+2 to all responses. +5 to Alphadogg.

[alphadogg]

Thanks to everyone for their supportive replies. After years of giving my friends this advice I've been able to go through with it myself. I feel ruthless, but that's better than feeling sad and upset.

[Wakeup]

I think you did the right thing too. It's what people with a healthy sense of self-worth do when they realize they are being disrespected and being put in second place.

My question now is, how strong will you be when/if she cries her eyes out and tells you that it was all a mis-understanding, that it's you she loves and please don't do this?

[smackie9]

Ya you did do the right thing. There is a possibility that this wasn't the first time she was in contact with him, only this time she got caught.

[smackie9]

Maybe with this experience you will avoid anyone who still has their past relationship still chasing them down. Big red flag.

[JaimeRose5]

There are many ways to look at this situation and I am not going to tell you that you did the right thing or the wrong thing because it's not my place. However, we are all human and make mistakes. If you approach a relationship with the thought that as soon as she lies to you, then you are done with her, you will either end up alone, divorced, or with someone that is so good at lying you never catch them.

Humans lie....maybe not all the time, but sooner or later nearly everybody you date will lie to you in one form or fashion, even if they don't mean to. Now, lying about being with an ex-boyfriend is a pretty big one. Follow your heart and you will know whether you did the right thing or not and remember forgiveness is always the best medicine.

Jaime

[KingZ]

JamieRose5 is a compulsive liar and cheats regularly.

[steviej]

Lol@kingz!!

[alphadogg]

Just to let everyone know. Her behaviour since the break up has convinced me I did the right thing. She has been nothing but childish, self-absorbed and rude. It's like she's a completely different girl to the one I knew, so it's way easier to get on with my life. In the last week I've had a great time, and I can honestly say I feel very good for deciding to end things.

[shananigans1229]

I agree with THX you definitely did the right thing and were respectful about it too. And as I say, the sooner the better. better 6 months into the relationship than 2 years.