tips on getting ex back

[prince10]

My ex and I dated for a couple years before breaking up in August. She eventually found someone she liked and they had a thing for a while that eventually ended in Jan. From Jan - Feb, we talked a lot again, hung out, did everything, but she was unsure about getting back together. She would initiate, tell me she loves me and loves hanging out with me, but is unsure. Over time I found out she still had feelings for this other guy even though nothing would come about from it.

So I gave her an ultimatum: Be with me or with him (which I realized was a dumb move now). I told her not to contact to me unless she knows.

Three days went by and she cracked, she said a lot of nice things, but was still unsure. We went another week without talking, then I hit her up because it was a holiday, yet she still wasn't ready. So I employed the "no contact" rule, EXCEPT I made a mistake and told her NOT to contact me instead of just letting it play out naturally. I told her not to contact me unless she had something emotional she wanted to say.

Three weeks went by and I cracked. I told her how I felt and we actually started trying to work things out again. That lasted a week and she kept saying she was addicted to talking to me, but eventually us talking again backfired. She said something is still there with the other guy and she isn't sure about us anymore. I realize now that I made a mistake, so this time around I decided to be flawless!

On Monday she told me she can't be with me, I said ok and we parted ways. I decided that this time around I was going to play my cards perfectly. The next day she said she was sorry she hurt me and feels bad, hopes we can still talk and be good to each other. This was by email and I decided to wait several hours before replying. Finally I said: "Hey, been really busy, hope you are doing well!" In other words, I want to remove her source of power and be very nonchalant during the no contact period. She emailed me the next day telling me how much she misses me and misses talking to me and would like to see me soon sometime if I'm still up for it. I replied once again in the same fashion and said, sure that would be nice. My question is this: from what I've been reading, usually "no contact" is employed for 3 weeks before I initiate something again, to re spark attraction, desire etc. She has been telling me for months that she wants to be with me, but needs to want it more. But since we already went 3 weeks without talking once before, how long do I wait before contacting her? She obviously is confused and time apart is good, but do I wait the whole 3 weeks or do I contact her sooner? That is my question.

Thank you!

[iamminzy]

Your scenario is similar to my friends. She still has feelings for her ex and lied behind my friends back. She would compare him between her ex and him and want him to be more like her ex. He broke up with him many times already and said she doesn't know what she wants. If she doesn't know what she wants, then the YOU is not in the picture because when two people are together, you should damn right know what you two expect and know what you want otherwise why you with him/her? Why waste time figuring out what you want instead why don't they just let go and stop trying to play mind games with you? She is playing mind games with you and confusing you, so I would say let her go. No one wants someone in their life to be playing games like that, doesn't know if YOU is in the picture or not. That's why she ain't sure what she wants.

DO NOT CONTACT HER AND LET HER GO. You will find the right one for you. Time is valuable. You can't wait forever for someone who is so wishy washy and doesn't know what they want.

My friend already broken up with her, but she still ask him out... This is not good. So best you can do for yourself and her is to break up, don't contact, and move on

[vashti]

So I gave her an ultimatum: Be with me or with him (which I realized was a dumb move now). I told her not to contact to me unless she knows.

So I employed the "no contact" rule, EXCEPT I made a mistake and told her NOT to contact me

These were not "mistakes". They were the correct action. She doesn't want you the way you want her to, so now it's time to accept that, and move on.

[smackie9]

These were not "mistakes". They were the correct action. She doesn't want you the way you want her to, so now it's time to accept that, and move on.

I agree with this. Even if she does go back with you, in no time she will be dumping your ass for some new guy. She just misses the familiarity of the relationship, and not you.