Get my ex back

[prince10]

My ex and I dated for a couple years before breaking up in August. She eventually found someone she liked and they had a thing for a while that eventually ended in Jan. From Jan - Feb, we talked a lot again, hung out, did everything, but she was unsure about getting back together. She would initiate, tell me she loves me and loves hanging out with me, but is unsure. Over time I found out she still had feelings for this other guy even though nothing would come about from it.

So I gave her an ultimatum: Be with me or with him (which I realized was a dumb move now). I told her not to contact to me unless she knows.

Three days went by and she cracked, she said a lot of nice things, but was still unsure. We went another week without talking, then I hit her up because it was a holiday, yet she still wasn't ready. So I employed the "no contact" rule, EXCEPT I made a mistake and told her NOT to contact me instead of just letting it play out naturally. I told her not to contact me unless she had something emotional she wanted to say.

Three weeks went by and I cracked. I told her how I felt and we actually started trying to work things out again. That lasted a week and she kept saying she was addicted to talking to me, but eventually us talking again backfired. She said something is still there with the other guy and she isn't sure about us anymore. I realize now that I made a mistake, so this time around I decided to be flawless!

On Monday she told me she can't be with me, I said ok and we parted ways. I decided that this time around I was going to play my cards perfectly. The next day she said she was sorry she hurt me and feels bad, hopes we can still talk and be good to each other. This was by email and I decided to wait several hours before replying. Finally I said: "Hey, been really busy, hope you are doing well!" In other words, I want to remove her source of power and be very nonchalant during the no contact period. She emailed me the next day telling me how much she misses me and misses talking to me and would like to see me soon sometime if I'm still up for it. I replied once again in the same fashion and said, sure that would be nice. My question is this: from what I've been reading, usually "no contact" is employed for 3 weeks before I initiate something again, to re spark attraction, desire etc. She has been telling me for months that she wants to be with me, but needs to want it more. But since we already went 3 weeks without talking once before, how long do I wait before contacting her? She obviously is confused and time apart is good, but do I wait the whole 3 weeks or do I contact her sooner? That is my question.

Thank you!

[kates]

Dont join in playing her games, she is confused and is trying to find out what she wants. She needs to feel in control , but she doesnt because she wants both of you and whhile you both respond her ego feels good.

When she contacts you and you respond ( how ever long it takes) she is pulling your strings and you go to her.
She wants someone else to make her mind up for her, she cannot make her mind up herself.
The only way she will show she has made her mind up is for the other person to be out of the scene.As lond as he is there you will have problems no mattter what goes between you.
If he is out of the picture, respond to her. If he isnt then don't. She needs to make her mind up and stop playing with you , and him, as if you were toys.
You need to have someone welcome you with open arms and value you , not toy with you.

[Wakeup]

So I gave her an ultimatum: Be with me or with him (which I realized was a dumb move now). I told her not to contact to me unless she knows.

Not a mistake at all. The alternative is to be strung along. Allowing yourself to be strung along (like this girl is doing to you.. You are a sure thing to her so she treats you the way she does) that would be YOU NOT looking after your own emotional best interests.

So I employed the "no contact" rule, EXCEPT I made a mistake and told her NOT to contact me instead of just letting it play out naturally. I told her not to contact me unless she had something emotional she wanted to say.

Not a mistake either. You shouldn't even be entertaining her or her communication contact when she can't make up her mind. You're only mistake is that you can't stay strong and she bloody well knows it.

You employ no contact to help you get over someone.. It's not some manipulation tool to try and get someone to love you again. If during the no contact they realize they've made a mistake then, as you said... they can contact you and let you know that. Have no expectation during no contact and get on with your life without them in it.

You play games that any woman can see right through. Stop trying to manipulate an outcome with this chick. She makes you second place more times than not and you keep falling right into your own game where it back fires on you "I can't be with you." Good. Now get on with your life and quit letting her pull your strings like Ghepetto did to Pinnochio before he beecame a real boy.

How can you ever trust that she won't drop your ass once again when the other guy comes back (after using this "no contact" strategy the way you do?)