Gonna start with a little background, i'm a 15 year old male who lives in wales. there, you have my background. My standing on relationships up until now has been 'let them come to me, i have more important stuff to deal with' but that was until i met Poppy. I've liked people before, 'fancied' someone as it were. but this is completely different, this is the first time i've ever felt like this about someone and the first time i've ever actually given two shits about the outcome. Never met someone who can be so perfect, have absolutely no flaws that i can find, believe me i've tried, and up until now never met someone who can be so great to talk to, so fun, so interesting, who can always make me laugh, always cheers me up, who is so beautiful, has a fantastic sense of humor, has very similar interests to me, the list goes on... i'll say now that it hasn't been the most successful first love.

About two weeks ago I told her how i felt, and she said she didn't feel the same way, obviously i was devastated but what can I do, it's her choice. Around a day later I heard a rumor that she liked my best friend, so as a precaution I politely asked him if he would leave it a little while, now i don't like getting in the way of things so i said that if she asked him out, not to deny her, as that only hurts her feelings and i don't want that. He said he understood and said he wouldn't ask her out (All three of us are in mostly the same classes, i couldn't bear to see them together)

THE VERY NEXT DAY he told me that they were together. I replied with the best 'congratulations' i could muster, and said "so she asked you out then?" and as it turned out, he had actually asked her. So not only was the girl i was in love with in a relationship with someone else, but it was with my best friend, who had completely betrayed my trust. But i still didn't want her to see that this had hurt me, i didn't want to cause an inconvenience in any way, so i didn't cancel going to the 'day out' all three of us had planned. And man do i regret not cancelling going to that, it felt like having a knife driven through my heart and twisted around for that entire day.

Then what confused me, is while they were together, he treated her like total shit. couldn't even be bothered to talk to her, and confessed to my face he found her boring. so the only two questions going around in my head were: "why the **** does she like him?" and "why the **** did he even ask her out" He dumped her a couple days later, Glad he dumped her, because if it was the other way around i would have trouble faking sympathy for him, it was pretty damn easy to be sympathetic with her, and mean it.

Now on to the actual problem. I'm still in love with her, i talk to her every single day in school and out of school. All i want to do is get over it and forget. The easy solution to this is: talk to her less. But that isn't so easy. In school there is pretty much no way not to spend the entire day with her, its completely unavoidable. and at home i have nothing, and when i say nothing i mean nothing, else to do other than talk to her. (This, my heartbreak and quite a few other problems currently have me in a depression) i live in wales for a start, the land of nothing to do, and not only that, but i live within a three-street radius of every asshole in my entire school, so i tend to either be in my house (where i have no hobbies) talking to her, or i tend to walk a couple miles to where all the nice people live. (you can guess which one i do more often)

I just want to get over it, i really do, every time i see her i instantly feel extremely upset, and extremely angry, along with a large desire to punch my so-called-best friend in the face. And as for my first experience with 'love' all i can say is it's a horrible feeling, Seeing Poppy with my best friend was pretty high ranking, if not top, in my 'worst feelings i've ever felt' list. Although i do see how love could be a wonderful feeling, unfortunately for me it was not.

Sorry to have a massive rant here, but i at least needed to write it down. nothing good has happened to me since longer than i remember, and this is just the newest shit thing to happen. I don't see what i've done to deserve it but oh well, i'm far better off than some.