How I found out my wife really hates me!

[Mdates]

30 years together, you would think we would be blossoming, NOT A CHANCE! Her negativity toward me, made me question her motives, so I spied, I wished I didn't, what I saw made me even more depressed! I would run the camera in a room and ask my wife some questions about her love for me and I would say I love you to get her responses. I would play it back and her facial expressions were pure hatred, during those questions!

I recorded her with a small device at her job to see if she was cheating, what i found out was she gossips and barely does her work due to excessive phone use on company time1 but one phone call stands out, it's the phone number that was calling her excessively and i asked her how come you're calling or receiving a call that lasts from 30 to an hr and a half at a time, she said, we're just talking about the job...bullsh*t. My wife works midnight and she calls this chick every morning around 3am or the girl calls her, every dam morning. the conversations only revealed, MY WIFE IS HER FLUNKY!

Recently I told her i respect her friendship with this lady(lying) she said, she barely talks to her or see her...LOL! The recorded conversations says otherwise, they're clocking 8 hours a week on the phone, my wife quickly erases her voice mail and deletes the girl number before she comes home! The lady calls my wife at work around 4 in the morning, talking to her for an hour and the girl comes in at 6 am and the two talks the whole dam shift! My wife is a liar!

[GHH]

Did you tell her that you know? I think you should...I think after so many years together, you two should be able to solve any issue in your relationship...maybe this person has a negative influence on your wife..i'm sure she loves you, she might be somehow tired or bored, or even annoyed of her own life (work,children etc.) and so she has forgotten her real feelings towards you. If you dont tell her anything, it will get worse, at least for you...by telling her, you'll also let her know how much you actually care about your marriage...im sure its fixible, dont close yourself or get depressed and angry.not because you dont have the reasons to do so, but because its not going to help you... good luck!

[smackie9]

You have been together for 30 years so that tells me that she is somewhere in her 50s am I right? Quite possibly she is going through menopause. Angry behavior is from the drop in hormones...it's a tough time for women and their partners for sure. I have heard many detailed complaints from men about their wife's behaviour menopausal "crazies" anywhere from the wife running out of the house screaming at them as they pull into the driveway coming home from work, to demanding a divorce after they left a dirty plate in the sink lol. You could try asking her about menopause, but maybe educate yourself a bit before going there.

[Mdates]

We're hitting that 50th mark, Our 3 children are grown and out of the house, the post children years I thought was going to be wonderful, it's turning into a nightmare! The crazies, is a good analogy, her behavior toward me is quite troubling, like last night, she woke, getting ready for work and just started harking on me about not having enough aluminum foil in the pan, her meanness at the point was startling, she just kept on going " weird!",even my daughter thought she was losing it.

This is what I know, When I say...let's bible study together, she let's out a sigh, like it's a burden, every request I suggest from dinner to a movie or exercise, she shoots down religiously! I been the most accommodating one in the marraige, you would think, she would appreciate it, not a chance.

when I recorded her at work to see what response I get when i call, it's like a death call to her, she answers negative, when i say i don't feel good and she calls to check on me, she have not a care in the world. But when her friend call, she comes to life, heyyyyyyyyyyyy, how you doing, you feeling better and spends an hour on the phone, this go on every day at work!

I don't wont to get ugly, but if she continues to treat me like crap THE INFO I ACQUIRED FROM HER AND THIS CHICK GOSSIPING, AGAINST THE SUPV AND COWORKERS, i will use against them in the workplace against each other and create all kinds of havoc at her site, with her not even knowing I know!

[smackie9]

Sounds like menopause or as most call it Mental-pause. I remember when my mom started to go through it at age 45....I thought she should have been locked up in a rubber room. Sorry to say but she can't help it, and it's a horrible thing to go through with the hot flashes, night sweats, fatigue, weight gain, depression...I work with a lot of women and I have seen groups of them going through it at the same time so you can imagine what the work environment gets like lol.


You need to stop focusing on her behavior and instead look into what's causing it it or you will get nowhere. Why not get your daughter to have a little chat with her about her weird behavior and get her to suggest that she see a doctor to get on hormone treatment. I guarantee she will be a new woman once shes on it.

[Wakeup]

I don't wont to get ugly, but if she continues to treat me like crap THE INFO I ACQUIRED FROM HER AND THIS CHICK GOSSIPING, AGAINST THE SUPV AND COWORKERS, i will use against them in the workplace against each other and create all kinds of havoc at her site, with her not even knowing I know!

Menopause or no menopause... if you'd do that to your own wife, then Its easy to see why she barely tolerates you. Tell her outright that her behaviour towards you is unacceptable and that it will no longer be tolerated (but wait until she's being disrespectful again before you spring your new found "non-doormat" personality on her). That if she can't be civil then YOU will be going to councelling in order to get the cajones enough to leave her and her ranting. Or: That you will be booking a councelling session with your minister for you and her and you expect her to attend so that you can get your marriage back on track. Hormone replacement therapy may improve her overall mood swings but it sounds to me like she's emotionally checked out on you. Time to stimulate her into attraction for you once again.

[Amber2011]

Sounds to me like YOU'VE got some major insecurities to deal with yourself. Threatening to wreak havoc in your wife's workplace is just plain childish. Same goes for spying on her. Sorry, but I think that is disgraceful. If somebody did that to me I'd be furious. You know you have a problem with your marriage so the obvious thing would be to sit down and talk about it rationally. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break it. Perhaps you could try to put some romance back? Many people who have been married for a long time take each other for granted and end up drifting apart. I don't buy the menopause theory much either - I'm at that age and haven't really been bothered too much by it but if your wife is having a bad time with it (and many women do - I'm probably one of the lucky ones), then your doctor can help.

[Mdates]

I guess wreaking havoc is childish, let's eliminate that part. I regret spying just a little, my wife is very secretive about her feelings and was never the type to open up, so I had no other choice but to see if something was occupying her attention! If i didnt spy I would have never known about about her negative responses! As for insecure, I surely am, when you have a spouse that barely expresses herself, it get's that way! I say I love you and express intimate actions, she barely says it! I know something is seriously wrong, I just wish she would tell me, she is my whole life and not having her around would crush me severely!

[Wakeup]

she is my whole life and not having her around would crush me severely!

Yea and because she knows that, she takes you for granted. Start doing some stuff on your own, get a hobby, join an amature sports league, take a corse, go out with your friends stop making her your entire reason for living. You (you Op and the general you) put tooooo much pressure on your partner when you make them your only source of happiness, fun and reason for living.

Make yourself more interesting in general and perhaps she'll find you more interesting in general and then you'll have recaputured her attention.

Don't forget to let her know that you were not put on this earth to be her emotional abusive catch-all when she starts to brow beat you once again. Put a stop to that disrespect and you can put that stop to it respectfully by just telling her in a matter of fact way.

[dnna1]

Perhaps, he's reached menopause. Perhaps, he loves you

[Mdates]

I came to that conclusion of getting back into my hobbies full swing! Man, she deprived me for so long, no wonder I was a needy basketcase! I'm gathering my dignity as we speak and retreating! Hoping she comes around!

[vashti]

Sounds to me like YOU'VE got some major insecurities to deal with yourself. Threatening to wreak havoc in your wife's workplace is just plain childish. Same goes for spying on her. Sorry, but I think that is disgraceful. If somebody did that to me I'd be furious. You know you have a problem with your marriage so the obvious thing would be to sit down and talk about it rationally. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break it. Perhaps you could try to put some romance back? Many people who have been married for a long time take each other for granted and end up drifting apart. I don't buy the menopause theory much either - I'm at that age and haven't really been bothered too much by it but if your wife is having a bad time with it (and many women do - I'm probably one of the lucky ones), then your doctor can help.

Voice of reason. ^^

If my spouse was spying on me and threatening to cause trouble at my place of employment, I can't imagine how I'd be motivated to stay married. It sounds to me like you BOTH have issues, and I doubt they all surfaced with the possibility of menopause.

Get some therapy. BOTH of you.

[John12]

Perhaps it was because he was care about ah. Don't think about it too much