Confused Brother

[hockeymom]

Alright...so I'm going to go insane if I don't talk to an OUTSIDER about this.

My twin brother Jason (36) has been dating this girl Brenda (33) for 2 years.
They have been living together for 1 of those years so far.

Brenda is divorced with 2 children (13 & 14) her ex cheated on her.
Jason is also divorced with 2 children (13 & 14) but still has a good relationship with the ex.

Brenda is a very insecure woman. She says she loves Jason. But I think maybe too much. She is always looking at his phone. She has to be where he is(even if it is a quick trip to the grocery store) she is VERY moody. Times where you are walking on egg shells. If Jason is home from work early or has a day off, its not uncommon for her to "Call in sick" or come home early as well. She doesn't have any friends she hangs out with on her own (that I know or seen of) Jason pays for 90% of the bills all the time. She holds a full time job that pays decent...but only pays a little bit towards electricity. Nothing on rent or groceries. Her 2 kids live with him and her, while Jasons kids come every other week. And she is ALWAYS posting on facebook or twitter about how much she loves him, or has to "tag" him in every post she makes.

About a month ago Jason gave Brenda an "Ultimatum." Saying she needed to change her moods or it wasn't going to work out. Because it was getting to a point where he was dreading going home after work. Just not happy. Well...of course she has changed her moods...but personally, I don't believe in ultimatums. Eventually things will go right back to where they were.

Jason recently told me that he has made a new friend...she is younger...about 27/28? I can tell he really thinks highly of her. He seems really happy around her too. (I have met her, and she seems like a great girl!) I am not sure if or what has gone on between them...I've told Jason he has to make a decision and respect Brenda regardless. He denies anything is going on, but I know he likes her.

Problem: Jason hasn't had a great past. He has struggled a bit and has finally gotten to a good place in his life, especially with his kids. He says if him and Brenda don't work out, he wouldn't do anything until school is over for the kids...which I can see being a good point. But I fear he is going to stay with Brenda, because of fear of disrupting the kids environment. The kids like her, but I told him it doesn't mean she has to be out of their lives if it doesn't work. I told him if he is happy then kids are happy...he cannot base his happiness that way. It will catch up to him. I know right now, things are ok at home...so maybe things will stay that way...but I have my doubts. Plus this other girl is on his mind as well.

My question for you males, how do I go about helping Jason with this? Him and I are very close and talk about a lot. He is a sensitive man, and he doesn't want to dissapoint anyone. But...would any of you agree that this relationship is already doomed? And how do I help him through it all step by step? I'm a mom of a 8 year old lol and our parents passed away 20 years ago...I don't know what to do and we only have each other.

-Hockeymom

[Wakeup]

Alright...so I'm going to go insane if I don't talk to an OUTSIDER about this.

My twin brother Jason (36) has been dating this girl Brenda (33) for 2 years.
They have been living together for 1 of those years so far.

Brenda is divorced with 2 children (13 & 14) her ex cheated on her.
Jason is also divorced with 2 children (13 & 14) but still has a good relationship with the ex.

Brenda is a very insecure woman. She says she loves Jason. But I think maybe too much. She is always looking at his phone. She has to be where he is(even if it is a quick trip to the grocery store) she is VERY moody. Times where you are walking on egg shells. If Jason is home from work early or has a day off, its not uncommon for her to "Call in sick" or come home early as well. She doesn't have any friends she hangs out with on her own (that I know or seen of) Jason pays for 90% of the bills all the time. She holds a full time job that pays decent...but only pays a little bit towards electricity. Nothing on rent or groceries. Her 2 kids live with him and her, while Jasons kids come every other week. And she is ALWAYS posting on facebook or twitter about how much she loves him, or has to "tag" him in every post she makes.

About a month ago Jason gave Brenda an "Ultimatum." Saying she needed to change her moods or it wasn't going to work out. Because it was getting to a point where he was dreading going home after work. Just not happy. Well...of course she has changed her moods...but personally, I don't believe in ultimatums. Eventually things will go right back to where they were.

Jason recently told me that he has made a new friend...she is younger...about 27/28? I can tell he really thinks highly of her. He seems really happy around her too. (I have met her, and she seems like a great girl!) I am not sure if or what has gone on between them...I've told Jason he has to make a decision and respect Brenda regardless. He denies anything is going on, but I know he likes her.

Problem: Jason hasn't had a great past. He has struggled a bit and has finally gotten to a good place in his life, especially with his kids. He says if him and Brenda don't work out, he wouldn't do anything until school is over for the kids...which I can see being a good point. But I fear he is going to stay with Brenda, because of fear of disrupting the kids environment. The kids like her, but I told him it doesn't mean she has to be out of their lives if it doesn't work. I told him if he is happy then kids are happy...he cannot base his happiness that way. It will catch up to him. I know right now, things are ok at home...so maybe things will stay that way...but I have my doubts. Plus this other girl is on his mind as well.

My question for you males, how do I go about helping Jason with this? Him and I are very close and talk about a lot. He is a sensitive man, and he doesn't want to dissapoint anyone. But...would any of you agree that this relationship is already doomed? And how do I help him through it all step by step? I'm a mom of a 8 year old lol and our parents passed away 20 years ago...I don't know what to do and we only have each other.

-Hockeymom

You are Jason's sister. Jason is an adult. You are not Jason's mother nor are you his legal guardian so: You don't get to direct Jason's life. You do get to give your advice and your opinions (which you've already done) but you dont' get to control the outcome and you don't NEED to help him out of his live in girlfriends life "step by step" either. If Jason screws up and has something with this younger girl, well as I said, he's a adult and all you can do is give him your guidance and then let him fry or jump into the fire.

Frankly, you sound awfully jealous of Brenda in general (???) If your brother is not happy with Brenda well then he should have the cajones to exit stage left without you interfering. No?

[hockeymom]

I'm quite aware I am not able to control the outcome. That's not what I want to do.
I'm not interfering either, he comes to me. I give him advice. I just wanted to hear from
An outsider if the advice I've given is fair. Jealous?!? Are you kidding me?!?

Thanks for your time.

[Bush1]

I want to know is what you want. This is what I want.

[Dry Spell1]

Thanks for your post.

[Anna12]

Yes, I quite agree to your point of view.