Confused about bisexual fiancé

[Ashley6701]

Hey,

This is my first time posting but I really need some advice, and opinions. I have known my fiancé for 10
Years, we dated for a year in 2001 and then got back together last year. During the 10 years we were not
Together, he only had relationships with men. He never slept with any of his boyfriends, just foreplay stuff. He told me he was bi, but has only ever kissed other girls, I'm the only one he's had any sexual contact
With. I myself am straight, so I have no idea how being bisexual feels, or how it's possible to be sexually
attracted to both sexes. I'm just a little confused and feel a little insecure, he isn't one to share his feelings, so I don't get very much when I share my insecurities, just that he would never cheat and wants to be with me. I can admit I am a jealous person, I have borderline personality disorder which really doesn't help, so
Knowing he could be sexually attracted to both sexes, and leave me for either, rather than just females, it
just makes me worry. I don't mean any of this to be disrespectful to anyone who is bisexual, I just don't
understand it, hence why I would love any advice anyone would give. Thank you.

[surfhb]

Sorry if I upset anyone who's bi but I have yet to meet a bisexual person who didn't have some kind of emotional issues growing up

Fix your emotional issue first before yourre married

[Ashley6701]

Yes I've been diagnosed twice privately and three times by the NHS (I wanted different opinions). I've always known about him being bi while we were apart, and he also told me he had had gay experiences before we went out the first time, which I didn't know till last year. So my worries have always been there, but I'm in love with him and don't want to think he would cheat or leave me, I just don't know a lot about bisexuality so came here for advice.

[Ashley6701]

He had a lot of trouble with his mother who was abusive when she drank, I had never thought if that could be why he's bi? Is it emotional issues like that you mean?

[Wakeup]

Ashley: I'm thinking that the "Bi" has nothing to do with whether or not he will cheat on you. If he has no personal boundaries then the possibility is higher that he will whether he's hetrosexual, bi-sexual or a homosexual.

I guess your BPD is the reason why you didn't exercise your own personal boundaries and back away from someone who, due to his sexual orientation, you're afraid of. Talk to your therapist about your fears and most important, talk to your bf about them. Together, establish relationship boundaries (like: No cheating, no overt flirting with members of the opposite or same sex etc) that neither one of you will cross. You need to get through to him that communication is very important to the strength of your relationship.

If through your communication with your bf and your therapist your anxiety still continues, then perhaps you'd do better to let each other go rather than live in fear of what he might do with another man.

Of course I'm thinking that your BPD is causing you to think you'd rather leave him before he can leave you so your self-sabotaging? (just a guess).

[bulrush]

First, sexuality is not 3 little boxes: straight, bi and gay. It is a spectrum. One can be bi, and prefer mostly women, or prefer mostly men, or anywhere in between. They can also shift a little in either direction during their life but that is not real common.

This guy seems to prefer men much much more than women. I see this as a problem. He also doesn't seem to want to talk openly about his problems. This is also a problem. He needs to open up and learn to communicate BEFORE marriage.

I can admit I am a jealous person, I have borderline personality disorder which really doesn't help, so
Knowing he could be sexually attracted to both sexes, and leave me for either, rather than just females, it
just makes me worry.

Being bi does not mean he will cheat on you. You have to get to know his personality pretty well to determine that. That means he has to open up more to you. Also, I would highly recommend you get your BPD under control before getting married, if not for you, then for him. BPD can be very difficult to treat.

[Bush1]

This sounds like a bit of a problem, bisexual, as is very interesting.

[Bella1]

Recently, this is a hot topic. Bisexual, very interesting.

[Dry Spell1]

Thanks for your post

[Anna12]

Yes, I quite agree to your point of view.