How do l control myself?

[littlewing]

Hi all... I feel that this is more of an plea for an advice from men, but women of this forum can probably contribute as well.

Nearly 2 months ago I met this beautiful girl for which I have fallen very quickly, I acted very fast and she said she doesnt want anything serious to which I agreed. We found we have a ton of things in common and things progressed very quickly. Hours spent chatting online and making out in the car showed me that there is more than just physical. She admitted it although said shes afraid to label things and jinks what we have.

Problem is that sometimes she seems not in the mood to chat or meet without telling me why. Its almost as if she looses interest, or lost it already. Then we meet and everything is fine. To me it is a wild emotional roller coaster and I always feel the need to text her or call her to make sure we are still good. I really dont want to be so clingy, I always thought of myself as a leveled guy. How do I control myself? What can I do?

After all she never gave me a reason to believe our relationship is doomed, those are my fears in my ever uncooperative brain

Thank you

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Best thing you can do in this situation is start seeing other girls too, so you don't get so attached emotionally to her. Have you even had sex with this girl yet? If not I say just drop it altogether because it's not worth the drama, to not even be getting laid.

Anyway, she said she doesn't want a serious relationship, so you need to start seeing other girls, so you can focus elsewhere when she says she can't see you. I guarantee once you're not so available and calling her all the time, she'll become the clingy one.

[littlewing]

Thanks, I did think about that... As I said we turned to be much closer than we expected (at least thats what she said). And we do have sex. Although there is no label it looks pretty serious, and I know that it will probably hurt her a lot if I start seeing somebody. Frankly I dont even want to, before I met this girl I simply wanted a quiet single life with no drama

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds virtually identical to my situation. We're two months in, it feels pretty serious, but the difference is that she doesn't flake out on me and disappear with no explanation(not that I demand one or anything, she just gives one if she can't make it). We haven't labeled anything and we talked about it when we first started sleeping together. I basically told her that I know she's not looking to label it or whatever, but I want to be the only one she's sleeping with since we don't use condoms. For a little while I was still seeing other girls until I was comfortable that she wasn't going to flake out and ditch me. Basically until I had a certain level of trust. I see why you are still apprehensive, since your girl flakes on you and acts sketchy, and that's why I think you should keep seeing other girls. You don't have to tell her about it, and if she does find out, just tell her that you feel like she's leaving one foot out the door for an easy escape, so you're scared to get too close to her.

[littlewing]

Sounds virtually identical to my situation. We're two months in, it feels pretty serious, but the difference is that she doesn't flake out on me and disappear with no explanation(not that I demand one or anything, she just gives one if she can't make it). We haven't labeled anything and we talked about it when we first started sleeping together. I basically told her that I know she's not looking to label it or whatever, but I want to be the only one she's sleeping with since we don't use condoms. For a little while I was still seeing other girls until I was comfortable that she wasn't going to flake out and ditch me. Basically until I had a certain level of trust. I see why you are still apprehensive, since your girl flakes on you and acts sketchy, and that's why I think you should keep seeing other girls. You don't have to tell her about it, and if she does find out, just tell her that you feel like she's leaving one foot out the door for an easy escape, so you're scared to get too close to her.

Do I force myself to see other girls if I don't want to? Caan I say that all of this simply looks very sketchy and I dont feel like I trust her? One day I just want to get off her back and the next I strongly feel like I should write her something so that she doesnt think that I am dramatising anything...

I do like her a lot! To me she is one in a billion

[BackUpOrGetStng]

DO NOT write her anything. That is dramatic, no matter what you're going to say.

I think you should force yourself to see some other girls, just so you won't have that one in a billion perspective and so you can distract yourself from wanting to smother the girl you like. You really enjoy your time with her and you have a lot in common, don't rush it and push her away. She knows how you feel, so back off a little and let her come to you. How often do you contact her? How often does she initiate contact?

[Salubrious]

It maybe that you are not the only person she is "talking" to.

[littlewing]

DO NOT write her anything. That is dramatic, no matter what you're going to say.

I think you should force yourself to see some other girls, just so you won't have that one in a billion perspective and so you can distract yourself from wanting to smother the girl you like. You really enjoy your time with her and you have a lot in common, don't rush it and push her away. She knows how you feel, so back off a little and let her come to you. How often do you contact her? How often does she initiate contact?

Its usually me the one initiating contact, but when things are great a jittery when we talk for hours she initiates contact as well. It just seems like she has "uninterested" periods. I know about the dramatic part, hate that drama. And I completely agree on doing things on her terms. As I said it an emotional roller coaster here...

[jewelry love]

Send her this gift.....
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[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop initiating contact with her. That doesn't mean you wait for her to contact you once, then start initiating all the time again. It means you start giving what you are getting from her. Stop talking to her on the phone so much. Just talk to her to set up dates and then hang up.

You do need to start seeing other girls too. It will help to clear your head if she's not the only one you're seeing.

[gavlon]

Been thr my friend! u'v been seeing her long enough now & its not fair for her to have these uninterested periods when it suits her! wthr its other girls or avin a good time with your buddies , do your own thing too & if you feel like you can't trust her allrdy your answering your questions! whatever stage in the game self respect & dignity is everything , it hurts at times but make sure you keep it!!!

[Bruce1]

If you really love her, you should try to let him know, and this is not so.

[haxan]

It maybe that you are not the only person she is "talking" to.

That's what I would say also.

[littlewing]

If you really love her, you should try to let him know, and this is not so.

???

Thanks, this really helps to clear my head actually, this forum is great. I decided to take a step back and try to not go crazy over anything. I can't say I love this girl although l do like her a lot but we have known each other for a very short time. I will give it some more time for us to get more used to each other, then we will have a serious talk at some point. Now its just too soon...

[Harry1]

bumb ubm!