I want his best friend out of my life!!!

[Riku]

I have a situation I really don’t know how to handle anymore.

Been with this guy since June, we moved in together in December. Found out I was pregnant at the end of December. Everything between us is really quite perfect. He has two best friends (K & R), both of which are girls. I don’t care that he has really close female friends but I do have a major issue with K. My BF and K were FWB a couple of years ago, which ended because they found out they are somewhat distantly related. So then they just became friends. I knew about it, I let it go and it really never bothered me until the day we told her we were pregnant. It was New Year’s Eve and we were over at R’s and they were all drinking. K showed up and we told all of them about the baby. K smacked my BF really hard multiple times. He didn’t say or do anything and she left about 20 min later. I was sitting right next to him and after she left they were texting each other. He was drunk at this point and I clearly saw him erasing some of the text messages after they were sent. I confronted him about it and he acted like I was being crazy. The next morning I went through his phone and looked at the text messages. They didn’t make sense and I knew it was because he had deleted some of them. So I counted them up and pulled up our phone records and saw that he had deleted around 15 texts. I confronted him and he lied again. Then I told him I had the text list pulled up, knew he was lying and told him to leave. We worked it out and he assured me that the texts he deleted were him telling her about how scared he was to be having another baby and things along those lines. He said he deleted them because he didn’t want me to get upset seeing that kind of conversation.

We worked it out and things slowly got back to where we were prior to that night. The only reason though that we were able to was because K had completely started treating him like shit. He would invite her out and she always declined. He would try talking to her and she would respond with one word answers. He was emailing her every so often telling her that she would always be his best friend, that he missed her, etc. Eventually I got angry and told him that I was sick of him chasing after her trying to kiss her ass and make her feel better. They got into a fight over text and she told him that she didn’t even like me. He told me he was done with her because she never put in the effort he was. They hadn’t seen each other from New Year’s Eve up until last week and they had barely spoken. I was starting to feel really good and thinking that she may be out of our lives. Last week she texted him saying she wanted to hang out with him. He didn’t even think twice and was ready to jump out the door to go see her. That made me so angry!!! Who would do that? After your “best friend” has been treating you like shit for months and then the second they show up you go running? I certainly wouldn’t! He insisted for me to go with him and told me that he wasn’t going to have a fun night that he wanted to tell her off for everything that had been going on. Yeah ok…….. I refused to go and told him that if that is what he wanted it would be best if I wasn’t there so they could talk freely.

So he went out with her and now they are “best friends!” again. I can’t handle this. I don’t know what to do. I am not a controlling type of girlfriend. I have no problem with him going out, or having female friends. I just have a MAJOR problem with HER. I don’t trust them. Now that they are talking again I find myself going through his phone reading their text messages and checking our phone records again to make sure he isn’t deleting any. I blew up on him the other day because for over an hour all I heard was her stupid text tone going off on his phone and he was glued to it. I told him to just call her already so they could get the conversation over with and I went and cried. He’s right back to texting her that she is an amazing person and his best friend for life and then telling his other friend R that, yay, they are all back together again. I hate this girl. I hate not trusting my BF, I hate going through his phone. I hate living like this. I’m 6 months pregnant and I want nothing more than for her to be gone forever from our lives. I feel like I can’t tell him to cut contact with her. I’ve told him how I feel, I’ve told him all of this. He knows I go through his phone, I’m not sneaky about it. He told me that he will do whatever he has to to show me I can trust him and he will just try to be there and comfort me when I start feeling insecure about the two of them. But it isn’t going away. I’m crying all the time because of them. I don’t know what to do. I certainly don’t want her to show up at the hospital when I give birth but he is pretty much saying she will so that’s that.

Sorry this is so long but thanks for anyone who read all of that and has any advice.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Seriously, move out. Go stay with your parents if you can, while you're pregnant. Stress like this isn't good. I'd say you should give him an ultimatum, but he's already a proven liar, so you should just break it off with him. Tell him to, Go **** his cousin.

[vashti]

I don't know why you ever tolerated a former f*ck-buddy hanging around in the first place.

I think you should seriously consider giving this baby up for adoption to a family that is stable. Unfortunately, yours isn't.

[Riku]

Seriously, move out. Go stay with your parents if you can, while you're pregnant. Stress like this isn't good. I'd say you should give him an ultimatum, but he's already a proven liar, so you should just break it off with him. Tell him to, Go **** his cousin.

UGH!!!!! I know this is so juvenile! LOL..but I'm about to be 31, he is 29. We both already have children, this is my home I own that we are living in. Take this ridiculous situation out of the picture and everything with us is pretty perfect. Our family is stable. It's just when she comes around I get overly emotional about it. Our day to day life doesn't revolve around this. I'm just explaining the situation because she obviously isn't going away and I don't know how to move on from the past problems I have with the two of them.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're not getting overly emotional about it, you're being normal about it. It is normal to be really pissed off about this. Kick him out of the house, for real. Seriously, do it today. Tell him its not good for your baby and if he wants to be around her then that's fine, but he has to get out of your house.

[Riku]

That would crush him and I don't want to hurt him. We both already deal with having children with ex's and it really sucks. Neither of us want that for this new child, especially since we are really good together.

He has already told me that if it came down to it he would without a doubt choose me over her and that he won't let anything break up his family. I just haven't told him to cut contact with her because I don't want to be that girlfriend who is telling her bf he can't be around certain people or that kind of controlling. I want to be able to tell him she needs to go away but I fear he will resent me later for it. I guess I'm just wondering if this is the kind of situation where that kind of ultimatum is warranted? He hasn't lied about anything since that night. I'm just stuck on it. All of their conversations now are completely innocent, it's just that any kind of contact with her is making me uncomfortable no matter how simple it is.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You have crush him for this, so he sees how serious it is for you. It SHOULD be this serious for you, and honestly you should have already told him to leave.

Don't issue an ultimatum in the common sense. Don't come out and say, "It's her or me." Tell him that his contact with her is tearing you up, and you want him out of the house at least until you deliver the baby. If his child is staying with you, then you should offer to let the child continue to stay but you tell him he needs to pack up and leave immediately. Show him how serious it is with your actions, and let him make the choice on his own. This way it shows a relationship boundary, and is not just some whim of yours. You're not in contact with former **** buddies, and you won't be involved with someone who is. He says he won't let anything break his family up, so make him prove it.

[smackie9]

There is nothing perfect about your relationship. K is not to blame she is the only sane one out of all of you. For one thing you are 31 and you are having another child, an unplanned one in fact....birth control? get your tubes tied? You are dating someone that is still hanging out with a F uck buddy, and doesn't want another frickin kid. It's YOU that is the problem because you made some seriously poor choices. What you want is NOT going to happen, no way. You better come to terms with it....... you have lost him.

[Riku]

You have crush him for this, so he sees how serious it is for you. It SHOULD be this serious for you, and honestly you should have already told him to leave.

Don't issue an ultimatum in the common sense. Don't come out and say, "It's her or me." Tell him that his contact with her is tearing you up, and you want him out of the house at least until you deliver the baby. If his child is staying with you, then you should offer to let the child continue to stay but you tell him he needs to pack up and leave immediately. Show him how serious it is with your actions, and let him make the choice on his own. This way it shows a relationship boundary, and is not just some whim of yours. You're not in contact with former **** buddies, and you won't be involved with someone who is. He says he won't let anything break his family up, so make him prove it.

Thanks for the constructive input. This is kind of the situation and conversation I've been leaning toward I've just been stressing out over it in my head.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just be cold and detached. Make sure you don't raise your voice. Be very direct, and don't leave any room for argument. Just start with, I'm sorry, but you need to move out. Pack his things beforehand if possible. He'll get the picture and he'll make a decision.

It's irresponsible to jeopardize your child with this type of constant stress.

[Cerby]

I still think there is some FWB thing going on, or at least some mutual attraction. Why else would she flip out when she found out he got you pregnant?

[VincenzoG91]

I agree with Vashti and BackUp. Crush him for this crap that he has been pulling. His behavior only makes sense if you realize that he is still having sex with his cousin or whatever she is. He said that if it came down to a choice, he would choose you. Well, it's time for him to make his choice. If not now, when? Force the damn issue, but this is guy is probably going to be an ongoing source of disappointment for you. And like Vashti said, you should consider putting this child up for adoption. Your guy doesn't seem reliable, and being a single mother with two kids is going to be a tough life.

[smackie9]

I'm sticking to my guns on this one. He is feeling trapped using her as an escape from a situation he doesn't want to be in...that's the reality of it. You can be cold and dictant, give him an straight talk, whatever....he is done.