crazy jealous or reasonable?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Is it possible he has crush on her or whatever..sure. I'm not denying that, and the whole crazy bitch thing is more tongue in cheek than anything. I'm just using that as a joke to try and keep you honest. You seem to be fairly reasonable overall.

I'm just saying, that you said that he's been trying to reconnect with people across the board and he's being very open about it. He doesn't even want to meet this woman alone first and catch up, and has invited you along. What sense does it make to try and step out right as he's moving in with you? Right now you really shouldn't bring it up, because his reaction will probably be the same as mine..as soon as you two move in together you're completely changing and acting like you own him. If he starts to hang out moreso than others he's reconnecting with, then you should bring it up and tell him you're uncomfortable with how much time they spend together, but right now it seems innocent, particularly since he's been very open and invited you along.

[Neuro]

I appreciate all your advice, really. And I'm not ignoring anyone - thank you for all your time. It makes me feel so much better to let this all out since I cannot use him as an outlet. He is away for work, studying to take a very important exam right now, and while this is making me a little sad, the last thing I want is for this situation to affect how he'll do on this thing that is very important for him. A personal goal.

So I am venting here... avoiding him during the times where I'm doubtful/insecure... and instead respond with how much I miss and love him. Sure, he can sense something is up, but I blame it on work stress.

I don't try to own him, or change him... Those are all red flags. I wouldn't be happy with owning anyone. What I AM trying to do is figure out where this is coming from, especially since all his friends from before are now local, and we are both very excited to see them more. However, when I asked about her, he said they were really good friends in HS, but they weren't intimate or anything... soooo...there was a connection, but they weren't intimate? huh?? huh.

The gut thing though... still there. Kinda driving me crazy - I wish it would just go away, as I'm trying to ignore it ... especially after reading 'BackUpOrGetStng's comments. But. It. Just. Won't. Go. Away!! And it was never wrong before.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Why don't you just go meet her with him?? Then you can determine what his and her intentions are a little better.

She may have a boyfriend. She may be married with kids. She may be a sexy ass, lesbian. Stop driving yourself crazy before you meet her. Just meet her and don't act like a freak when you do it.

Who was the actress that he compared her to by the way?



I also don't buy this "my gut was never wrong before" bullshit from you or Vashti.

[Neuro]

I met her before, on a different occasion, for a mutual friend's birthday. He asked me if I knew her... She is very single and looking to meet someone, as she expressed to me and our mutual friend. Even if his intentions are nothing but innocent, she will not see it that way... a single gal who is being contacted by an 'old friend' after 12 years. Sooo, I've met her, and I don't have a desire to meet her again...

He compared her to Michelle Williams, whom he has described as 'heavenly' prior to this conversation...

[KingZ]

Ignore BackUp. He's like a small guard dog who will take any male's side just because he's so insecure with his own masculinity. Every post he makes is, "Dude, bang her and start ignoring her. It's the best solution to every problem."

That said, I'm surprised Vash is the only person here with a sensible opinion. Down to business:

This woman is bad news for you. The reason why this guy is taking you with is because it's the only respectable thing to do. A couple years ago, a woman had met me but brought her fiancé along (Vash knows how this turned out). We ended up spending more and more time together (alone) and she eventually cheated on him.

I would absolutely hold off moving in with this guy. *That* would be the crazy bitch thing to do.

[surfhb]

Ignore BackUp. He's like a small guard dog who will take any male's side just because he's so insecure with his own masculinity. Every post he makes is, "Dude, bang her and start ignoring her. It's the best solution to every problem."

That said, I'm surprised Vash is the only person here with a sensible opinion. Down to business:

This woman is bad news for you. The reason why this guy is taking you with is because it's the only respectable thing to do. A couple years ago, a woman had met me but brought her fiancé along (Vash knows how this turned out). We ended up spending more and more time together (alone) and she eventually cheated on him.

I would absolutely hold off moving in with this guy. *That* would be the crazy bitch thing to do.

What a load of crap! Just because a guy wants to meet up with an old friend who happens to be female doesnt mean he intends or even is thinking of cheating. Your comments are a disrespect to all men. Its like saying a women who hangs out with guys is a slut

[teacup711]

Ok playing devil's advocate here...I think he wants to take you with him to reconnect with the 'cool' girl to see if this time round he has a shot...given he is already a taken man, etc etc...sorry but it happens.

[teacup711]

And after 12 years?????!!!!!

[teacup711]

Vashti is right follow your gut.

[Wakeup]

Also....off topic I know....but WHY THE **** are you moving in with someone youve only known for a few months? Now thats just plain stupid! (big smiley face)

This, minus the big smiley face. You moving in with someone YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW YET.. is stupid.

BTW: I don't think you should ignore this very red flag he's just presented to you. However: If you're dumb enough to move him in before you know who he is then the least you can do is meet the girl and then observe from there before jumping to all kinds of conclusions.

I think he's a desperate twit who is latching onto anyone who will have him ~ Lucky You, Op... you win "the prize." (so far)

I think if he was planning on doing anything behind your back with this girl, then he wouldnt have mentioned her to you, or asked you to meet her. He sounds pretty sincere, but its normal to feel a little jealous.

..Maybe he's working up to having a threesome. Afterall, Op knows sweet bugger all about this guy she's just moved in.

[Rosebud]

I completely agree with Vashti on this. In my own experiences whenever I have contacted someone or been contacted by someone of the other sex and I haven't seen them in several years, it's always started off by either flirting or there has been other intentions there aside from just staying in contact. There is a reason you want to speak that person. Whether it's because you find them attractive or whatever and after 12 years of him not being in contact of someone and now all of a sudden he wants to meet up with this girl? I would be saying Hell no! And seriously reconsidering the idea of you two moving in together only because there is a lot more you need to learn about this guy. You don't make big life decisions like that after knowing someone for only a few months.

I can't believe some of the posts on here. Everyone has their own opinion and they should not be crucified for thinking differently than someone else.

[surfhb]

No ones been crucified in this thread....not sure where you got that?

Honestly though.....the odds the man wants to cheat at the same same moving in with his newly found girlfriend is soooo unbelievably low!! I mean we don't know these peoPle but look at the entire situation here. News alert ladies! Guys who are players generally don't move in with thier GFs after knowing them 3 months. Jeesh! Hilarious !

[Wakeup]

No ones been crucified in this thread....not sure where you got that?

Honestly though.....the odds the man wants to cheat at the same same moving in with his newly found girlfriend is soooo unbelievably low!! I mean we don't know these peoPle but look at the entire situation here. News alert ladies! Guys who are players generally don't move in with thier GFs after knowing them 3 months. Jeesh! Hilarious !

"Players don't generally move in with their gfs after knowing them three months" Perhaps not, but lots of players will move in. Tiger Woods and many Sports Figures even get married and carry on. So I don't see how that is assurance that this guy isn't some kind of user. Maybe it's innocent with this girl but how can Op ever be sure at this point when she doesn't even know this guy? For all she knows he's been lying to her and he has indeed been in contact with her for years? At this point she hasn't been with him long enough to ascertain if he is a trustworthy person even.

I can't believe some of the posts on here. Everyone has their own opinion and they should not be crucified for thinking differently than someone else.

huh?

[Neuro]

You all are amazing!!! Thank you so much for all your thoughts.

I know, moving in was a crazy and fast idea, but if I'm listening to my gut already, deeper than this issue is a gut that says that this is not such a wrong idea. For now.

We finally talked today - he's back in town, took his exam and I felt much better bringing it up.

SIGH. I was called insecure. I was deemed threatened by the girl he had interest in reconnecting with. Lastly, I was deemed as having a difficult time trusting him. He kept comparing his interest to want to reconnect with this girl to his interest in wanting to reconnect with a guy friend whom he hasn't seen in just as long. "just people he wants to reconnect with" "just people he wants to add to our friends circle"........ He seemed puzzled about me wondering about a post-12-year hiatus reconnect interest. These are all reassuring - however, I needed to force him to see the situation from my point of view. Overall, we talked it out... but deep down inside a lot of damage was done. This was our first official fight, and we've both been exposed to unknown territory. On one hand it was good to see this side of him. On the other, I STILL wish he had never expressed interest in meeting with this girl. Lastly, I urged him to talk to some of his friends...run it by them and see what they think. Obviously I was not able to convey to him how/why this affected me to this point.

I am very vulnerable now. As is he. This is an awkward situation to be in.

Having you all to read this AND write back is such a relief. xoxoxoxo

[surfhb]

Your feeling are normal for everyone.

Personally I don't think you have to worry

Actually it shows you really like The guy...