Husband doesnt want to be with me...devastated

[JoJo85]

Hi All

been with my husband for 4 years and married for 11 months.

last week he said he didnt want to be with me for various reasons - mainly when i have too much to drink i would be verbally nasty to him. He wrote me a letter explaining he had had enough and said i cant get like that again. Following wkend i did, but not to the previous extent and i have ruined everything (he brought 2 bottles of wine round to a friends house for me to drink - or share with my sis in law - i thought i was doing fine but i told him to F Off when he handed me some water. That week it had been a bad week, he had been distancing himself from me and maybe thats where it came from)

He never said he wanted me stop drinking alltogether (we would have a drink on a sat night, we cut it down to sharing a bottle of wine - wouldnt get nasty with him when it was just me and him at home, mainly if i drank too fast in social situations) why didnt i just stop?!...wouldnt be in this situation now.

he mentioned that i was a bit clingy - i got a bit anxious when he would go out - i would worry about him and i reacted badly to it.

He wanted to join the TA - i didnt want him to as i felt he would always be away for months at a time.

we have recently been planning for the future. He was debating whether to end it over 10 days period before i moved out. He didnt sit me down and have a convo with me about everything - if we had i dont think we would be where we are now. He just bottled it all up and made the decision on his own.

i have since vowed to change ect i want our marriage to work. But he says he isnt in love with me anymore and doesnt want to try.

my world has ended

[vashti]

It sounds like you have a serious problem with drinking; I hope you will use this as motivation to give it up. Alcoholics are hard to live with.

[JoJo85]

i have no problem with giving up. i have said this to him. he has said he doesnt want me to stop drinking, so if it was THAT bad why suggest that?

[kim_winky]

I am sorry about your problems,i was once in a problem like this,my home was crumbled until i met a spiritualist who helped me with a powerful love spell,you can contact him for help on [email]elebuibon@ymail.com[/email]
he might help you too
Kimmy

[Mdates]

Drinking is a serious problem and Men, hate women to be drunk! blowing up at parties or at home is embarrassing. You have to go to rehab, to show him you're serious! If he bails, then your problems were a lot deeper! The term stand by one another has lost it's luster, people bail out of marraiges quick, for some of the lamest stuff!

[Adisa]

1) JoJo, you are not taking ownership for your actions. You are also invalidating what your husband is saying. It is troublesome to hear you say that you are abusive when you drink but that your husband told you he did not want you to stop drinking altogether. And yet, there are strong clues that he feels some strong feelings about you drinking if he is offering you water instead of more alcohol at a party...

2) Hurting people hurt others. If you are verbally abusive to others when you drink, one can only imagine how you feel about yourself. Hateful and abusive feelings have to originate from some place before they can be "shared" with others.

3) You need to learn to love yourself. Until you love yourself, you cannot possibly love others. And when we are in relationships and we do not love ourselves, we oftentimes are taking from others and requiring that they work really really hard to make us happy. It does not sound as if your husband is willing to pay the high price any longer.

JoJo, with the utmost compassion, I recommend that you seek professional help for your alcoholism. Learn to deal with the issues that you are attempting to drown. When you are a whole person, you can contribute to relationships in a healthy fashion, instead of destroying the ones you say you love.

[Jason333]

Thanks for your post