Little Lost

[The fonz]

First post , so be nice and ill try and keep it brief

Well I'm 28yo been with my girlfriend for 7.5 years ,
For awhile now she has been pressuring me about marriage . But the other night she came home all upset asking if ill marry her and if i don't wish to we should probably break up .
Basically i don't know what to do .
Recently for last 6 months i have become uninterested in her sexually , i'm unsure as to why, we would be lucky to have sex once a month and i usually do it just to shut her up .
I have not lost my libido because most of the time I'm a toey as a roman sandal , Just not when it comes to her . I don't know if this is a passing phase or if it happens a lot in relationships .
I never cheated on her and don't intend to but the girls flirting with me at work or the gym are getting harder to ignore .

She is a great girl and i do love her and i would be gutted if we broke up she has been a major part of my life for so long .
An then she very attractive , nice as hell , everyone likes her , looks after me and loves me to pieces . But the down sides are we barely see each other due to different work hours , We don't have a lot in common really and we never fight .

So this is were I'm lost .
and this is where i leave it because honestly i find putting my emotions on paper very difficult and extremely weird plus i don't think i can give the whole story or a accurate representation without going on and on .

So hopefully ill get some feedback from you people and i can expand on the info as we go if needed
And for the record im not exactly asking you if i should marry her just after good info or other people insights.
And sorry for the crappy post

[pisces25]

You don't have a lot in common and you have been together 7.5 years? I find that a bit strange. As for your lack of sexual attraction of late just speaking from experience but when I have lots sexual attraction for my partners in the past it generally means I am no longer wanting to be in the relationship. That could just be me though. How often did you guys have sex prior to you losing interest?

Perhaps being with someone for basically your whole 20's is making you feel like you haven't quite lived the single life or experienced other people which I guess is normal. Not sure what advice to give you but the only thing I can say is do not marry this girl if you are not 100% about it. And she is probably right, if after 7.5 years it is not progressing to the next stage, or at least the commitment she wants maybe it is time to set each other free.

[The fonz]

I agree it is strange , But i think it may have somthing to do with the hours we work , we both work really hard and she is starting work a hour or two before im coming home from my job (Tradesman vs chef ) .
As for not wanting to be in the relasionship anymore thats highly possible i have noticed at times when im really tired and stressed ive found myself pushing her away .
We got together in a very difficult time in my life i was suffering from deprssion after the death of my parents , An she basically took care of me it took years to get to my normal self .
As for our sex life started out almost once a day but has been in gradual decline over the last few years . But now i feel like its a choir.

Thanks for your response to , Iknow it wasnt the best post i was quite tired when typing that.

[The fonz]

Ive got an update here , because im struggling or we are .
I sat her down the other night and explained my situation that i not feeling it ie not interested in having sex with her anymore . Told her i still love her but lately its the kind of love you have for your sister or a good friend. So i told her marriage is not a option for me at present because there's doubt and i could not live like this .
so anyway the discussion went well and she was just glad i was not bedding another broad . So couple days past we mentioned it another couple times and she just tells she doesn't want to lose me and we will work it out and get some counselling . Im think its been the best part of 8 years why not .
So come home today she been to the doctor to get a referral and he has put her on antidepressants and told her to stop taking the birth control that she's on and he wants to see me .
Okay ill see the doctor no problem but wtf STOP TAKING THE PILL . I smell a rat now im thinking im getting setup here . Does this seem right to you.

An to make it that little bit more complicated i had a boys weekend , the weekend just gone i just wanted to cut lose and forget about my issues for couple days
So we hit the town , But bugger me it made things worse i was a chick magnet i had girls coming up all night girls following me into toilets and grabbing me on the crotch and stuff it was ridiculous even my mates we asking me what my secret was .Then to top it off when i crashed at my mates house and a very fine looking girl jumped in to bed with me . Now i did nothing absolutely nothing drunk as hell just wanted to crash woke up fully clothed with her spooning me . But i started chatting with chick in the mourning about my girl and me seeking advice and she nice helpful and we got along well .
I Left and she has gotten my phone number off one of my mates and is now sending me dirty texts about how she had dreams about us sleeping together and being quite detailed about the dirty stuff i did to her in these dreams .
No i cant get this hussy out of my head and hell does she know how to make me hard . Now this cant be healthy so should i be thinking more into this like is it a sign or just ignore it and focus on my current relationship.

[jules82]

you're a total piece of sh*t....first off, who the hell waits almost 8 years to finally get married? If you don't even know if you want to marry her after ALL THIS TIME, then STOP stringing her along - secondly, you don't want to leave her because she's been such a prominent and big part of your life, yet you're going out with your friends and letting other chicks sleep in bed with you, spoon you...and to top it off, send dirty texts to each other? if you were my boyfriend, i'd have your balls in a knot...save her the trouble and let her go - i'm pretty sure she could do MUCH better than a loser like you.

[Anna R.]

I think that you shouldn't get married unless you want to and feel ready for that.. As long for the sexual interest.. Maybe it's just a phase or maybe you don't feel the same way about her anymore.. Why don't you get away from everything on a day or two and think about what you want for you.. But don't waste her time if you're not sure that you want her forever..

[VincenzoG91]

Ive got an update here , because im struggling or we are .
I sat her down the other night and explained my situation that i not feeling it ie not interested in having sex with her anymore . Told her i still love her but lately its the kind of love you have for your sister or a good friend. So i told her marriage is not a option for me at present because there's doubt and i could not live like this .
so anyway the discussion went well and she was just glad i was not bedding another broad . So couple days past we mentioned it another couple times and she just tells she doesn't want to lose me and we will work it out and get some counselling . Im think its been the best part of 8 years why not .
So come home today she been to the doctor to get a referral and he has put her on antidepressants and told her to stop taking the birth control that she's on and he wants to see me .
Okay ill see the doctor no problem but wtf STOP TAKING THE PILL . I smell a rat now im thinking im getting setup here . Does this seem right to you.

An to make it that little bit more complicated i had a boys weekend , the weekend just gone i just wanted to cut lose and forget about my issues for couple days
So we hit the town , But bugger me it made things worse i was a chick magnet i had girls coming up all night girls following me into toilets and grabbing me on the crotch and stuff it was ridiculous even my mates we asking me what my secret was .Then to top it off when i crashed at my mates house and a very fine looking girl jumped in to bed with me . Now i did nothing absolutely nothing drunk as hell just wanted to crash woke up fully clothed with her spooning me . But i started chatting with chick in the mourning about my girl and me seeking advice and she nice helpful and we got along well .
I Left and she has gotten my phone number off one of my mates and is now sending me dirty texts about how she had dreams about us sleeping together and being quite detailed about the dirty stuff i did to her in these dreams .
No i cant get this hussy out of my head and hell does she know how to make me hard . Now this cant be healthy so should i be thinking more into this like is it a sign or just ignore it and focus on my current relationship.

The issue with the Pill is probably that she is blaming herself for the relationship not working out and telling the doctor that. So he is thinking that side-effects of the Pill might be sabotaging the relationship, because there was a study a few years back that showed some women are attracted to different kinds of guys depending on whether they are on the Pill or not. But for your relationship, I think that the issue with the Pill is irrelevant. If she was trying to trap you with a baby, she wouldn't be telling you about the birth control issue.

The real problem might be that you met the right woman too soon. Instead of settling into a long-term relationship at 20, you probably should have stayed single longer and dated a wide variety of women before settling down. Because you didn't do that, you are feeling restless, curious and not too interested in your woman.

Meanwhile, your girlfriend is stressing out because she is rapidly approaching a time in her life when a woman normally wants to settle down and start a family, and needs to know if you are the one or if she needs to start dating around again to meet the right guy while she is still reasonably young and attractive.

Taking all of this into account, I think that you should break up with her now, as nicely as you can. She didn't do anything wrong, it just isn't the right situation for the two of you.

[guesswhoami]

Umm.. seriously dude after 8years and you just hesitating and saying that you're lost ? what are you thinking about ? go ahead and break up with her you'll regret it, you only know how a thing is awsome when you lose it, she isnt even supposed to ask you
to propose her... after all of these years.

[Jason333]

Is their choice of can't regret

[Jessica12]

Start slowly are interested in this.

[Lucy77]

well

[The fonz]

you're a total piece of sh*t....first off, who the hell waits almost 8 years to finally get married? If you don't even know if you want to marry her after ALL THIS TIME, then STOP stringing her along - secondly, you don't want to leave her because she's been such a prominent and big part of your life, yet you're going out with your friends and letting other chicks sleep in bed with you, spoon you...and to top it off, send dirty texts to each other? if you were my boyfriend, i'd have your balls in a knot...save her the trouble and let her go - i'm pretty sure she could do MUCH better than a loser like you.

Thanks jules i appreiciate your input and opinion , I realise my post makes me look like a tool but if want honest answers i have to post honestly . But i would like to clarify a couple of things . Stringing her along would emply i told her a some point i would marry her . 2 i never let the girl spoon me i woke to her spooning me that was stopped once i realised where i was and what i was doing . An no 3 i dont want to leave her because i love her . Im troubled because there a things going on in my relasionship that i dont understand . I can control my actions just not my feelings . No 4 I never said i was sending dirty texts i said i was recieving them .
Also Its good to know you can handle yourself jules but with that quick fire attitude its safe to say i would never be your boyfriend .

[The fonz]

Umm.. seriously dude after 8years and you just hesitating and saying that you're lost ? what are you thinking about ? go ahead and break up with her you'll regret it, you only know how a thing is awsome when you lose it, she isnt even supposed to ask you
to propose her... after all of these years.

That's a strong possibility that i will regret it , there is a possibility i wont . But worries me more if i do marry her or continue to try and work stuff out with her one of us will end up doing something that wont be easily forgiven or destroy any chance of remaining friends.
I know in these posts i don't come across great but ive always been a good and caring boyfriend . I have been committed i built a house with her also built a business for her with her . Yes i may have been lagging by not asking her to marry me but marriage is not what i have wanted and she has been informed of this. An lately she has put the hard word on me for it . Mainly because her brother just proposed to his girl friend and all of a sudden its a big issue . I wish to make her happy i always do wish her the best but with such a problem of sexual desire in our relationship how can i possibly consider marriage a good idea at this time .
And when faced with the ultimatum ive be given its left me troubled and seeking advice

[The fonz]

Vincenzo thank you very much
Much time and thought has gone in to reply and i appreciate very much thanks .

[jules82]

Thanks jules i appreiciate your input and opinion , I realise my post makes me look like a tool but if want honest answers i have to post honestly . But i would like to clarify a couple of things . Stringing her along would emply i told her a some point i would marry her . 2 i never let the girl spoon me i woke to her spooning me that was stopped once i realised where i was and what i was doing . An no 3 i dont want to leave her because i love her . Im troubled because there a things going on in my relasionship that i dont understand . I can control my actions just not my feelings . No 4 I never said i was sending dirty texts i said i was recieving them .
Also Its good to know you can handle yourself jules but with that quick fire attitude its safe to say i would never be your boyfriend .

First off...I already have a boyfriend - so you don't have to worry about ever being mine. But IF you WERE...after 8 years? I mean - how after 8 YEARS of a relationship are you unsure if you want to marry the girl? It sounds like SO much time wasted in my opinion, unless she's completely happy just casually dating you for all those years - which obviously she isn't....But if you don't want to leave her because you love her, then why would you even be putting yourself in the position to have some girl crawl in bed with you and spoon you....OR...get your number and text you dirty stuff? First off....you should of been in bed with your GF that night, not some other girl...and secondly, there's a thing called BLOCKING numbers....it seems as if you make no effort because of your confusion. Sorry, I don't have a firey attitude, i'm just real - and as someone who's in a real, long term relationship, I wouldn't put up with that kind of sh*t from my boyfriend....no way.