What should i do?

[jan007]

Hi there, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about four years. Things are going really well or at least i thought they were. We are both in our 40's, both been through divorces and have our own children. He says he loves me to bits although i sense that he is in no rush to settle down quite yet and i love him very much. I recently noticed a strange contact in his phonebook so i googled the number and to my shock and horror it belonged to a local prostitute who happens to be half his age.
Why would he have this number in his phone? I asked him about her and he said that he has never met her for sex and that she gave him the number because she works at his workplace in her normal day job although i have a feeling this may be a lie also. He asked me to believe him and that he is telling the truth. Would you believe this? I am doubting his story and i feel really hurt that he may have slept with her. Does anyone think he may be telling the truth because i really feel like finishing with him as i cannot deal with this on my mind !! Please, what would you do ?

[Angellic]

My gut feeling is that no, I wouldn't believe him either, but you need to look at the bigger picture before leaping to conclusions. Firstly, why were you looking in his phonebook in the 1st place? Was there something else that caused you to be feel suspicious, or is there an innocent explanation? If he gave you free access, it suggests he has nothing to hide, but it sounds like you were snooping? If so, why?

Is there anything else about his recent behaviour that makes you worried about what he's been up to? Strange spending habits, time away from home with very vague explanation, time spent solo online late at night, or any kind of emotional distance from you. All these potentially suggest he is up to something. Also, listen to your sixth sense - women are seldom wrong about these things and if you sense something is amiss, it probably is.

Have you tried calling the number yourself? It might help to sort this out once and for all. If the woman is as he says, i'm sure she'll be happy to put your mind at rest. Alternatively, check out his workplace and see if she really does work there.

However, whatever the outcome of this, you lose either way. If he's lying and your suspicions are proven correct, you might not be able to forgive him, but even if he's not lying, trust is going to be a big issue from this point on - on both sides.

[haxan]

Of course he's lying to you. Do you actually think he's going to admit it's a prostitute that he's paid to have sex with? Just accept it, you'll either be able to deal with that fact or not when it comes to your relationship with him.

[jan007]

Thanks Haxan for being very blunt, it is kind of obvious but when you love someone very much this is very difficult to believe.

I was snooping because of his recent behaviour with his phone, he kept it hidden away in his jacket and on silent. It was only this reason why i looked. I tried to call the number this morning but it was dead... !!
Just because the number is dead doesn't get him off the hook though because i want to know why this number is linked with her website offering sex etc.
I know she probably doesn't work at his place because he put her name under manager of a certain department which i know she isn't because i know the manager of that department. I'm worried about making a wrong decision but my gut feeling is that he has been up to no good. I hate gut feelings, much rather have solid black and white evidence anyway thankyou so much for your input.

[haxan]

Ya, I think we've all been there at some point in our lives, finding out something about our s/o that we don't want to believe. It sucks.

Not sure in the UK, but here in the states most of the escorts that work off of the internet are opiate addicts, escorting to support their habit. They're using needles, riddled with std's and in general just disgusting.

It's hard to say just how much your boyfriend has been doing. He's seen her, so how many others? It's usually not a one time thing, I hope you're not just scratching the surface of it. I also hope he's stayed clean at least (std wise), for your sake.

[Jason333]

Thanks for your post.

[jtut21]

That certainly is a tricky situation. Has he ever given you any reason to not trust him in the past? There may be some elements to his story that aren't true and he may have done some things in the past that he may be uncomfortable telling you and so he tried covering it up with a half truth. You are right to feel uncomfortable with what you
have found. However, I would confront him again about how you feel in regards to finding the number. If he truly cares about you and you give him the opportunity to
explain himself than chances are he will try to make things right and ease your concerns.

Best Wishes,

Josh

[Lucy77]

Thanks for sharing.

[Jason250]

It blows my mind.

[jan007]

There have been some issues with trust in the past on both our sides but nothing has ever escalated into such a problem. I sat down and spoke to him more about this and he now claims that her mobile number probably has been used like 'hacked' and ended up on this website hence why it is now a dead line. He also said that she no longer works at his workplace as she left a while ago and is obviously unreachable due to her number being discontinued otherwise he wanted to call her and speak with her. He also said that it is so degrading to know that i would even think that he could possibly do such a thing, although he is not angry with me as he understands how it looks and how he would react if this was turned around.
I'm still confused, i really want to believe him as it does seem so far from something that he would do yet when i sit and think about it and read back this thread he showing all the traits of a narcissistic compulsive liar! Oh my god, could he be? Or am i fretting so much this is turning me into a crazed jealous partner. I think i need to reflect on this carefully and maybe just look for solid facts, i mean surely i should be thinking that he is innocent until proven guilty.

[IndiReloaded]

Four years and the fact he hasn't fessed this to you is a very bad sign. You two obviously don't speak enough about such things.

[James12]

bumb ubm!

[haxan]

lol, you're not a crazed, jealous partner. You're someone who found an escort's phone number on your boyfriends phone and feel like shit (as a normal, well adjusted person would).

Any guy, or girl for that matter, could and would talk circles trying to get out of it, but the fact is you busted him. I'm sure he'd rather take it to the grave than admit that he's seen (seeing) escorts behind your back, so don't expect that epiphany. You know in your heart, it's just up to you what you can live with.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm sure he'd rather take it to the grave than admit that he's seen (seeing) escorts behind your back, so don't expect that epiphany. You know in your heart, it's just up to you what you can live with.

I'm unclear if he's been doing this while they've been together. If so, Jan, then you should dump him. Its one thing for a single guy to do this (ewww, but hey, needs are needs) but totally unacceptable in a relationship. Its called 'cheating'. I'd be even more upset about the lying about it, but that's me.

[haxan]

I'm unclear if he's been doing this while they've been together. If so, Jan, then you should dump him. Its one thing for a single guy to do this (ewww, but hey, needs are needs) but totally unacceptable in a relationship. Its called 'cheating'. I'd be even more upset about the lying about it, but that's me.

It's recent activity.

Her phone was hacked, mysteriously ended up connected with an escort, then she disappeared from his workplace never to be heard from again. That's original. He confirmed this (and if so, how), or that's his theory of what happened, jan?