My first date: story

[TallStrong]

This just happened yesterday. Met her on Eharmony.

• Over the phone on the way there I told her I had a present for her and would that be ok? She said sure. I have a bottle of some generic joint supp pills because she told me her joints hurt and she has spurs inside her knees. Also overweight.
• drove 70 miles north to meet her at her apt. It's 220 pm. It's a nice day, sunny but not hot and it's like 63 F. Good breeze too.
• I tell her where I'm parked and she tells me to get out and stand around so she can see me. I do it and I see her across the street walking with her grandparents. I wave, she waves and crosses the street. We get in my car.
• I give her the pills. She seems pleased. I ask her what we should do for 4 hours before the movie. She suggests the beach. Her city is within like 2-3 miles of Lk Michigan.
• First impressions of her: short, very top heavy, good posture, anxious but confident. Naturally rosy cheeks, wide rectangular glasses, long brown-red hair. Wearing tight jeans and a white shirt with a light turquoise sweater over that. She wears some funny sort of black hairband with a purple embroidered flower on it.
• We drove to the beach, about 3 miles away. Parked car and she used a public restroom. I used one too. Great scenic views of Lk Michigan outside. Fancy marina to our right and lots of beach to the left. Some people fishing from the rocks, people walking dogs, etc. We walked out a long concrete pier [not sure what it's called] to the lighthouse. Talked more, got to know more about each other. I asked if I could hold her hand and she says yes and I do. She tells me about her family, troubles with men. I ask her various questions. I ask her what she wants me to be in her life. Should I support her lifestyle or encourage change? She says be whatever you want to be. She is super laid back, tells me that's how she copes with life and stress. She just gives in. I don't get that but I accept it, it's just part of her.
• we rest on a bench in the shade. I stretch my legs and she keeps talking. Shows me a phone pic of her younger bro with her cat. Her parents have the cat because she can't keep it in her apt. Her family lives in a house away from her. Nasty split as she tells me, her mother is in a wheelchair and blames her for everything, even her father's heart attack. Father's in the wind, never contacts her, she has no idea where he is.
• walked on the beach, I took my shoes and socks off. I never get to walk on a beach. She thinks it's hilarious.
• Walked out on another concrete pier that was falling apart. We sat and I dangled my feet in the water. She kept her shoes on. Talked some more.
• I pick a small purple flower and present it to her. Sort of wilted but she likes it. We walk up from the beach to the sidewalk and I hold her hand again. She takes my hand and we interlock fingers. I like it, I'm guessing she does too. Get in my car and drive to her apartment.
• stopped at her apt, she showed me around. She really opened her heart to me, was not expecting that tbh.
• She asks me what I expected her to look like, her apt, and I really didn't have any expectations which is true and everything seems cool. She asks if I'm disappointed. I say no of course not. She sorts some groceries into cupboards and I ask if I can look around. She says sure and I look into her open bedroom, she left the door open. I don't go inside it, I just look into the room. It and the rest of the house has green wallpaper, sort of peeling but not bad. None of the doors shut properly, but they are OK i guess.
• its a very small but clean place. She rents from her old ex that up and left her to deal with the rent. Another male roommate, but he wasn't there when we were in the apt. No locks on any doors but front one. Place is maybe 50 feet long by 60 wide with small kitchen/living room and 2 rooms plus a 1/2 bath. Her room is about twice the size of my closet and my closet it not big. No posters on the walls. Some plastic containers for her stuff and 1 dresser with 4 drawers. Place has like no soul but it's functional. Over the phone calls/texts before meeting she told me she works at Taco Bell.
• She shows me a paper she wrote for fun about Egyptian history and i gave critiques. We sit on her bed against the wall, no boxsprings just the floor and the mattress. She shows me her laptop and it's contents.
• I ask her what she uses her laptop for and she says writing stories, old pics stored on it and listening to music. She lets me hold it and tells me she has no secrets. I don't pry, it just sits on my lap while I read her fictional story some more, it's pretty lengthy. She takes it away from me and says "don't get mad but" and she shows me pic folders of her exs. I don't know what to say. She shows me pics of her exs, about 3 diff guys. One guy tried to strangle her along with his GF at the time. Another guy cheated a bunch of times on her and was a overall a55hole. Last split was the one that owns the apt, he guy that left her high and dry. I ask her why she has pics of her exs if they were such d1cks? Wouldn't you want to forget that? She says she doesn't hold a grudge and there were some good memories. This is like the one big hangup I have on her, she doesn't sound rational.
• She gives me old photos of her in HS, before HS pics, and some faded pics from the 90s and all this really personal stuff she lets me see. We sit next to each other and she has little explainations for each pic. Family pics, animal pics.
• I tell her she's a great caring person and very nice and she only deserves good things in her life. I feel more like counselor than a friend or BF. It just feels like she needs to hear it and it's entirely true and I fully believe it. She says she believes in karma and everything happens for a reason. I ask her if she believes that and she gives me her standard answer "yes and no but,...." and explains it. She says she really doesn't believe in karma but she sees it everywhere in life and it has to exist. She proposes she was a horrible person in a past life and this is why her life has been so difficult and trying.
• She wants to go see her hometown outside of her current residence, about 20 miles away. We drive there, out into the country as she points out landmarks to me. Asks me what I think about the town and I say it's just another dot on the map to me but to her it has memories and personal significance. She accepts that answer. I quote Freud and she says he was a real loony.
• Drove back into her city and I went and i got a sub. she declined to eat even though my treat. She stands in line behind me, not next to me, and is silent.
• Drove back to her place. Lots of new stores I never heard of, grocery stores, craft stores, etc. Right at the intersection in front of her apt [if she opens her blinds in her room she can see the sidewalk outside her window like 2 feet away and the street] is an accident. Some truck nailed a small car in the hood. Big dent, glass on the road, cops there. She starts to cry and I ask her why. She says that could have been us 2 hours ago and I said well it wasn't so don't worry about it. She tells me she really feels sorry for the people in the accident and I am mystified, I just don't have those feelings. I don't know those people, I don't care about them. I tell her not to worry about things she can't control.
• we go in her apt.
• she ate a 4 pieces of whitebread with PB and J. And she doesn't know where to start to lose wt. I kept my trap shut. I feel like I'm floating around her and her world, just watching things happen.
• she changed into a black skirt from jeans and we went to the Avengers 2D. Movie theater is by the highway I took to get there so it's a good landmark.
• Movie was from 7-9 pm.
• In the middle i went out to get her pretzels. I came back and she leaned over and whispered she thought I was abandoning her. I was at a loss for words and just said no and that was silly thought.
• Movie ended, walking to my car she tells me she thought there would be more action. I say I guess so too. Too much comedy in the movie to be honest. I'd give a 6/10. Saw a bunch of previews like for the Batman Bane movie. Totally not canon. Def pass on that pile of crap.
• It's dark now at 9 pm and I drive her home. I've been playing with this idea and i do it, I gave her a ring I got from the college bookstore a long time ago I got for myself but it never fit so i gave it to her and said "we're not engaged or anything" and she laughed. I turn on the light in the car so she can see it. I told her I wanted her to have something to remember me by besides the movie ticket, something permanent. She's silent with her emotions as a person. Like she won't say "I'm happy" or "I'm sad." There is a lot of body language but mostly she is silent. I have to ask her how she's feeling or what she's thinking. I think it's from her personality that she doesn't want to make any waves. Somehow I feel she feels unsafe even with me. But then it's our first meet so I don't put a lot of weight into it. We're still strangers really. I mean we know some stuff about each other but we've known each other less than 2 weeks.
• I pulled into a little gravel parking lot next to her apt. She tells me to come in.
• I did and we made small talk and then she started a hug. I went along with it, moving slowly back and forth playfully and she laughed. She told me it was a great time and tells me stuff we could do next time like see a museum, etc. I say sure why not? I didn't want to make any committments at that point in time, say something or promise something I really didn't want to deliver on.
• Said goodbye and drove out.
• Missed my turnoff to go down south towards home.
• Got lost for 20 miles then found highway and drove 60 miles south towards home. Only one of my radio presents was working, some talk radio. Interviewing an author about a book she wrote about women and how the age thing is old hat like 40 is the new 60 etc. Calming stuff.
• I think about how our lives could not be more different. And I wonder about how she could so open and caring with her very troubled and violent past with men. She's one of those people that apologizes for everything and is completely selfless. She's told me how she doesn't know what to do with her rent. I find that very illogical and frightening because she tells and shows me her life and how simply put, it sucks a lot. Save money and move into a better apt or get a car [she has no car, takes the bus or walks everywhere]. She told me she gave away her paycheck to a fellow employee at Taco bell because "they needed it more than I did." I don't get that, I really don't understand that at all. Honestly that scares me.
• Driving south, I never thought i'd be so happy to see Milwaukee and the interchange.
• Driving down the highway at 70 miles per hour felt like I was driving 100
• 5 miles from home she texts me and thanks me for a wonderful night
• At home I eat, and go to bed

[TallStrong]

Dunno about her
Gonna call her tonight [I arranged it with her] to compliment her, wish her the best and part ways
She's too broken for me.

It was fun though, I just don't want to get too attached to her.

[HeartIsAching]

She shows a lot of signs of childhood abuse - PTSD.

It's a good call on your part that you recognize that you can't fix it. You can't be her white knight.

[iamaninnocentma]

how the fck do you remember all the little details like that. did you have a little notepad? the last date i went on, i woke up in my own vomit with no trousers in a strangers house. You should be in the circus with a memory like that.

[HeartIsAching]

how the fck do you remember all the little details like that. did you have a little notepad? the last date i went on, i woke up in my own vomit with no trousers in a strangers house. You should be in the circus with a memory like that.

Bet his name was Hans, and your ass hurt too.

[iamaninnocentma]

Bet his name was Hans, and your ass hurt too.

Im not sure i care for the homophobic tone of your post. Gay people are just like you and me, except they like to put things in mens bums. No wonder there is few openly gay regular posters on this forum. (cerby aside).

[TallStrong]

I have a good memory about a lot of things

Broke things up last night. She asked if we could still be friends I said Sure.
Looking at two new girls, live a lot closer to me and don't have troubled pasts afaik.

[amazinglyshik]

Your heart has to long for someone you truly want or need. Great that you have remained friends, yet ensure that she doesn't end up being a casual lover - you could hurt her as well as yourself.

[TallStrong]

errr I was chatting with this girl on her profile and she turned me down because my name reminds her of her ex and also something I said on my profile about how I don't mind larger or petite girls. She messaged me that even IF she was interested in me she wanted me to love her big ass [her words] and not be OK with smaller girls. Sounds like she thought I was supposed to read her mind. I told her good day and good luck on finding your mate because it's obviously not me. Then she messages me a naked sexy pic of herself. I guess it's supposed to be sexy, or maybe sexy in her mind. I think I'm gonna report her. She messaged me that she's beautiful, confident and obviously attractive to all men and if I can't see it then it's my loss. Jeez... I didn't ask to see this nor did I ever say big wasn't beautiful. I must have a real problem communicating with people.

[bulrush]

I ask her why she has pics of her exs if they were such d1cks? Wouldn't you want to forget that? She says she doesn't hold a grudge and there were some good memories.

This is a red flag but more info is needed in order to understand the situation as a whole.

She's one of those people that apologizes for everything and is completely selfless.

I've known several people like this. This is a type of person that will invite much drama into their own life. They seem to have major problems with boundaries. I've never found a single person like this that turns their life around. They think if they are nice to assholes, their life will magically turn around. They seem to be stuck in this childish thinking mode.

[TallStrong]

Been dating this great girl I'll call L. L and I have been dating for about 2 1/2 weeks now and last night we went on our 5th date. We went to a drive in theater last night. Saw 3 movies in a row. 2 kid movies and then one HORRIBLE [I didn't see too much of of though] modern but throwback horror film. Got a large soda for us with 2 straws and I brought my steak tips in a bag which she thought was hilarious for some reason. I also bought a pretzel.

By the start of the 2nd movie we were cuddling and on the 3rd most of it was spent making out and one hand on her breast [she put it there repeatedly]. Major make out session and then after the movies [it was 2 am then] we drove to her hometown and she wanted to show me the local graveyard. She got scared at the sound of the coyotes and then we drove back to her car and she went home. At home I got a text that she wanted to my GF and I said that was great. There are other details to my adventure but not really important. I want to do things right with L so I'm not hanging out with any other girls. I really really like L and I don't want to F it up.

[iamaninnocentma]

i reckon you are a V thats never seen a pair of Ts in your L.

[Boisdevie]

i reckon you are a V thats never seen a pair of Ts in your L.

Agree. 5th date and just a little bit of titty action? I just love sexually repressed Americans - they make me feel quite normal by comparison.

[Lovinyou]

how the fck do you remember all the little details like that. did you have a little notepad? the last date i went on, i woke up in my own vomit with no trousers in a strangers house. You should be in the circus with a memory like that.

exactly! I never remember a night that happened. When dating was a new thing for me, I was little excited by then and remember things yet not as much as OP does