How Long Should a Pause Last?

[tm88101]

I'm sure this question has been asked, but I've been unable to find it. So, here goes.

I was divorced about five years ago, dated on and off, without any real success. My baby sister recommended getting a membership on a dating website, and it's paid off in spades. Specifically, I've met the most wonderful woman that I've known in a very long time. I'm sure you can get the idea: she's very intelligent (way smarter than me), incredibly attractive, and still laughs at my jokes, despite how lame they might be.

She has, however, had a recent event in her life that she wishes to focus on before we go any further, so it's just friends for now. We've gotten close, with us talking and dating for about two months. Since that event, I've promised to be the gentleman and wait, but I'm not sure how long to wait.

It may sound like a callous question, but is there an appropriate amount of time to wait before broaching the "would you like to get back on track?" question? Obviously, I'm far out of practice, and I need a little help. I'd love to continue dating her, but I'm not sure what to do.

[vashti]

...???

I don't know what kind of "event" would require her to take a dating hiatus, and I doubt it's a good sign she wants to back off of seeing you. It's a bit unclear as to whether or not you are currently seeing her, and what the nature of your relationship is. Can you provide a bit more detail? Did she say she just wants to be friends?

[Esther20]

Thanks for your post

[tm88101]

The event was that her mother has had a serious medical problem come up. The information on that is real, as I've gone with her to visit her mother. She has said that, for now, she wants to put our relationship on hold. We currently are platonic friends, and she has expressed interest in pursuing a relationship when she feels that her mother needs her less, but hasn't said she "just want's to be friends" at all.

I'm simply not sure whether or not I should just say "it's me or not at all," or give her a chance to set herself straight. My problem is that I'd like to continue dating, but it seems that if I push too hard, I'll lose my chance with her. It all just seems far too complicated, but I believe she's worth it.

[headoverheals]

I fell very hard for a man that I met over a year ago. We've never dated although everyone we meet thinks we are and we do just about everything that two in a relationship would do. We aren't a couple because when we met he was getting out of an 8 year relationship and has been hurt. His relationship walls are up pretty high and strong right now.
On one hand I get it and on the other I want to shake him and say "look at how great we are. Don't lose this!" But alas, I am playing the waiting game as well. It's not an easy thing to do and honestly I've also wondered if there is an appropriate length of time to wait.
I think that it's different for everyone. If you feel a connection and she wants to pursue it at some point then that should make you happy (at least you know you are not just throwing pennies into an empty well). You should wait as long as you feel comfortable waiting. Only you know the answer for that. I would for now focus on being there for her as a friend and growing. You'll learn more and more about each other as friends and if that friendship continues to grow then there is a great chance it will work out. Only wait as long as it feels right with you.