Soooo confused!!

[zaccarus]

Hey all,

Need some advice from you if you don't mind.

My relationship has taken a downward spiral and my girlfriend of 6 years has admitted to 'sexting' other guys and to kissing one of them. We have been talking about the reasons and it looks like she felt that we didn't want the same thing from our relationship and sought attention elsewhere. To me this is an affair but to her it's just stupid messages that meant nothing. Despite me telling her how I see it she will not acknowledge my feelings.

She has apologised and says she won't do it again but she has shattered my perfect world and I have no trust in her anymore. I have started taking anti-depressants but feel that she doesn't want to support me.

When I have challenged about it she says that it's not her and she doesn't do sympathy. This is true to her character but I thought that it should be different under the circumstances.

We have spoken about splitting up and I nearly left last night but she broke down in tears and I stayed. Although this morning she is more level headed and says she knows thy she will move on from me.

I am so torn about what to do as on one side we had everything and have said we are willing to try and make it work but on the other hand I feel that she isn't willing to support me or work towards a future. I have shown her a couple of web-pages with how I am feeling and how she could help me move forward but she showed disregard for them as in her mind it is all over and meant nothing.

Has anyone been in a similar situation to me? If so what did you do to move your life forward?

Please can anyone offer some advice?

Thanks

D

[Boisdevie]

I think you have to accept the face that the relationship is over. Once you have reached this point then you can move on. There's no point thinking what might have been or how good the relationship once was. People grow apart. Relationships are not guaranteed to work. I was with a woman for 18 months. I had a drink problem. I accepted that I needed to stop drinking. I stopped drinking. She never once said 'well done'. Two weeks after I stopped drinking she ended things anyway. I"m not trying to get sympathy here, just letting you know that you're not the only one and it is possible to move on.

[smackie9]

Very good words Boisdevie!

I have to agree you need to accept the reality of it. Yes 6 years is a long time to be with someone and to have it gone is difficult BUT, people change, grow, mature, priorities change, goals are different, attitudes, and perspectives evolve. We all change with age and become different people, as Boisdevie says you eventually grow apart. It's just what happens in life. It's the familiarity of the relationship is what has you clinging on and her crying over.....change is scarey but is do-able. We all had to let go of someone one time or another, and you will be able to adjust to life without her. It's not all bad. This is your opportunity to do new things, meet new people, and maybe travel and have new experiences.

As for taking pills for your depression....stop taking them. They only band-aid things, and you will discover they don't really help that much. You need to get moving, exercise, join a gym, start hanging out with friends more, and stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.

[Lover14]

I've been in a very similar situation with my boyfriend. We broke up due to it for a couple of weeks, but we missed each other so much we decided to give it another go. After several heart to hearts about what happened, we both agreed to move on from it, and we've been getting on great...even better than the first time around! I do occasionally get worried that itll start again, but you've just got to decide whether you're partner is worth the risk. At worst, if it happens again, you know she'll never change and you can move on. Hope you sort things out.

[Esther20]

Thanks for your post

[zaccarus]

Thank you for the responses, I think that I have come to accept that the relationship is over and that some things just aren't meant to be.*

The future is scary but I know I will be ok in time and I will find happiness once more.*

[smackie9]

You will be just fine.....you are well on your way.