I've been involved in a very complicated situation for a little over a year now. I will try to make the background story short and sweet although hard to do and not sure if I may leave out pieces that will help with the advice. Here goes...
Over the past year I have fallen deeply in love with my best friend. I met him a little over a year ago and we grew very close. All along he has known of my feelings as they have progressed as I've always been open. We are not dating. I met him at a time when he had just gotten out of a long term relationship and he is rightfully shut down and the relationship walls are up. He and I have come a long way however and in the beginning it was "I'm still totally not over my ex"...today we are at a point that he feels comfortable telling me that he has thought of dating me down the road so I know there is a possibility. We both agree that the two of us are very compatible as a couple. Now to add to the mess, I have been living in the same apartment with him since Nov of last year. He is currently living with his sister and when she and I became best friends I ended up moving in to save on rent. Since living with him we have adapted many of the routines of a couple. We are pretty regularly intimate (which was going on way before I moved in), we do many things together on a daily basis, and we've adopted an intimate relationship on more than a physical level.
I have been here for him and with him through ups and downs with his business that he runs, everyday problems, and very sadly the death of his mother earlier this year. I know this man inside and out and I have never been more sure about anything in my life.
Unfortunately, the break up with the ex was a long process and she is still not 100% out of the picture. She is out of the picture in terms of them getting back together but it's a weird situation. She recently moved to another state and I think the distance is a good thing. It has been torture for me though as realistically until he closes that chapter and completely moves on, it lengthens the time span that I feel like I am "waiting". Sometimes I feel like he has the best of both worlds. He can be the nice guy he is and continue to talk to her here and there until she moves on (which she has asked to get back together so I think she is still holding on) and at the same time he has had me in his life just as much he would a girlfriend pretty much since they broke up. I'll be the first to say that I've taken damn good care of him since I've been in his life and he knows that.
So basically as it stands I have hope that he and I will date in the future but I am trying to shorten the waiting time. It might be selfish but it's hard to wait and wait while you don't see the other person doing much to move forward with their own life in terms of letting go of the past 100%. Whether your advice would be to wait for him or not, I am not asking that. I have made a choice. A hard one but for me, the right one. I'm willing to climb the mountain no matter what because I feel so strongly about it.
Next month his sister and I are moving into a house that she bought. He will be living close by with his dad maybe for the next 6 mo to a year to make sure he is there for him after losing their mom. While I think the time apart and not living together is best, I am struggling with how to handle it.
One option I see is to just continue to being close and around a lot. My dog will be dropped off with him every morning since he works from home so it's not like I'll be going any great length of time without seeing him. We'll still hang out and do things together but we obvioulsy wont be cooking dinners together, watching our shows together before bed, and the other intimate things that go on between us on a daily basis. I feel like I shouldjust try very hard to ignore the fact that he may still be talking to the ex and just be my normal self, as hard as it may be. Don't argue and show a bad side to him because it's less likely to make him want to pursue anything. I should show him my true colors and hope that he falls in love with that.
Sometimes though I am scared and think that I am unable of being so strong that I don't repeatedly get upset about the current status as I have been lately. I also believe in the you don't know what you've got until it's gone philosophy. There is a part of me that feels the need to do something different to maybe get my point across. I feel the section option would be to take a break for a while after his sister and I move. Maybe not being able to call me during the day to chat or hang out or have me around every night will make him realize something.
What would you do in my situation?