Am I being unreasonable or is it emotional abuse

[MaidenMinx]

OP, I think it is fairly obvious you and your husband have different ideas on financial issues and I suggest having an open discussion with him. Maybe suggest for every pair of shoes you buy, you will put a equal amount of money into a savings account? Maybe he feels he is the only one prepared for a rainy day or an emergency. I think some sort of compromise needs to be met.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, no that's not emotional abuse. What's his actual problem, tho? Is it the number of shoes and clothes or the fact they are untidy? If you don't have one, get a shoe organizer and a good wardrobe.

I have < 10 pairs of shoes/boots. But you can make the analogy of a guy and tools. Some men's hobby workshops have far more than 100 tools and much more costly than your shoes. Plus, its your money (I assume you are contributing equally to household expenses).

[Chris2529]

I take your point iaman.
What i am saying is even if I did not have my hundred shoes and wanted to buy shoes for Chinese without them how do I do it? Most charity organizations 80% of contributions go to administrative fees to western 'non profit' organizations.
We should look after our own. America spends over 1billion a day to vet throw the taliban in their war efforts (keep oil supplies open) not to count the human cost. We donate funds and manpower every time there is a natural disaster worldwide bout where is it reciprocated with Katrina hurricane or Auckland earthquake. Australia donates funds to indonesians to have ttheir people bombed in Bali and their national flag burnt.
I choose to fundraising for sick children in
My country helping my people.

[surfhb]

It's not the money I'd say but he might be wondering what issues you might have. I would question a persons judgment who owned that many shoes

[Chris2529]

I like shoes. I work hard. My personal view is there is nothing wrong with having that many shoes nor is it right that he count them and tell me it is over the top and not what a normal person has. He said if if i am happy why do I need all these things! I am happy but it makes me angry when he questions me and I told him it is emotional abuse. I just wanted clarification from people in the forum whether they think it is emotional abuse?

[pisces25]

No it's not. It's just a difference of opinion.

[surfhb]

Yeah.....well I like surfboards but I don't own 100 of them. Make sense? Why aren't more people in this thread not seeing this has some bizzare spending issue?

Like Heart is Aching said, it depends on HOW he is handling it which is the abuse, but he has every right to be concerned over your spending habits You are married correct?

If you were my wife, I'd demand intervention. My opinion anyway

You know marriage requires compromise right? Come on! You can't compromise on 100 shoes?

[Wakeup]

I wouldn't care if he had 100 pairs of trousers. I like to look nice so I have lots of clothes and lots of shoes. He continually goes on at me about my spending. Does he want me to give him receipts or something? The shoes I buy are mostly on special on online blowouts. Shoes that are normally $4or500 marked down to $100 or $150. There are more important things to worry about than my what I spend on shoes, clothes or toys for the kids.

Yes, like your OCD.

... Are you related to Emelda Marcos?

I agree with Surf ~
Your question was "Am I being unreasonable" I'd say "yes you are. What compels you, what is missing in your life that you have a need to substitute it with shoes? It seems spending money is your addiction and when an addiction to something starts affecting your life in a negative manner then it's time to go into rehab. No, he is NOT emotionally abusing you, he is doing an intervention and trying to put an end to the madness. JMNSHO.

Tx blue. That's what I think. I don't live in china iaman but even if I did and earnt enough money to, why shouldn't I be able to?

Because you have some kind of "ism" that compels you to buy, buy, buy and it's causing your marital union grief, that's why.

Have you heard of the word "compromise?"

[MaidenMinx]

No it is not emotional abuse! Need to read that again? Your husband is not emotionally abusing you. And yes you are over reacting.

To be honest, you aren't taking your husbands feelings into account, and I love the way you ignore any advice that suggests your husband has a point. If you want your marriage to work, this is going to have to be discussed with him before you both resent each other for not being considerate enough of the others feelings.

[IndiReloaded]

I like shoes. I work hard. My personal view is there is nothing wrong with having that many shoes nor is it right that he count them and tell me it is over the top and not what a normal person has. He said if if i am happy why do I need all these things! I am happy but it makes me angry when he questions me and I told him it is emotional abuse. I just wanted clarification from people in the forum whether they think it is emotional abuse?

I'll ask again: Are you contributing *equally* to the household finances? If working hard means a side job that makes less money than your husband and its costing *his income* to buy your shoes, or only your money goes to shoes but you rely on him to pay your living expenses, then I'd say he has a case.

When you are single you get to do whatever you want. When you are married, you have to consider your partner. How would you feel if he started spending his money on 2, 5 10, 20+ cars? End of.

[surfhb]

I'd say he has a case no matter what. The issue isn't money or that he's being emotionally abbusive ( which he's not). The issue is her bizzare need own hundreds of shoes