Why is she behaving like this?

[DolphinMan]

Hi. I have been friends with this girl for more than 2 years. Then about 6 months ago I starting falling in love with her but was afraid it would ruin our friendship. But then about a month ago she tells me that she is very much in love with me and has been so for a long time! Oh sweet happyness! Yeah well...she was very afraid that it would ruin our friendship and had alot of doubts. But I persuaded her to give it a try.

The first couple of days went great and she even told her mother about me and referred to me as her "boyfriend"...but then this happened:

We were talking about the two of us when all of a sudden she said: "What is going to happen with the two of us when I get better again???" (This was while she was in a bad personal place having a depression). It kind of caught me off guad and I responded: "I certainly hope you are not just using me because you are feeling bad!??"...In retrospect I can see it was probably the stupidiest thing I could have said to her. I still don�t know what she meant by that question but at least I could have asked her what she meant instead of blurting out that crap. I haven�t given her an apology and now it�s a month ago.

Well on with the story. After this incident things started to go downhill quickly. She called me the next day and I sensed immediately that she was very aggressive towards me. She is very passive-agressive so she never confronts you if she is mad about something. Insted she punishes by being very bitchy, unpleasant withdrawing affection and s*it like that. And it goes on and on until you figure out what is going on and apologize. Very brutal! You have to be a go*damn mind reader with this girl. Anyway since this incident she has started calling me only every 2rd or 3rd day whereas before we talked for HOURS EVERY day. When she finally calls it is only for 10-15 mins and it is ALWAYS when she is sitting in the bus or if she is on her way home from fitness training. Just as soon as she is home she makes a point out of letting me know that now she DOES NOT have the time to chat anymore! (But it is ALWAYS her that call me up. And she stil texts me every day.)

She has also started saying weird things like: "My mom is asking me how I am proceeding with this and this guy"...and I�m like * * * ???...then she is going to some party and she said: "I know I�m going to do something stupid with this guy" and everytime one of these weird situations arises I�m like: "HEY WHAT ARE U SAYING???" and everytime she quickly excuses herself and says "No no forget it. you have nothing to worry about it." But what the hell??? Also I can see on her facebook that she is talking with alot of other guys. So it is obvious that the time she spent on me before (circa 3 hrs per day) is now being directed towards them. I even dreamt one night that she was talking 2 hrs with some random guy and the next day I got a confirmation by visiting her facebook. She is stunning to look at so there is literally dozens of guys ALWAYS waiting in the shadows to make their move.

Then this other day she said this: She owes me some money and she said "I don�t like owing FRIENDS money"...so what the hell??? Also she says that she isn�t ready to see me (we live far apart) yet. This makes sort of sense since she has been in a very bad place personally and is on her way up again but she is already making plans with her friends again and starting to go out just not any plans with me...hmm...She hasn�t yet told me directly that she doesn�t wan�t to be lovers but I sure feel like she is trying to say it indirectly. Also it is like she is trying to say that I�m not important in her life anymore. Now I�m just someone who can be used when she has to kill 15 mins in the bus. This change happened virtually from one day to the other after I said that stupid thing. She has been like this before but NEVER for so long (4 weeks). Of course all the other times this has happened I have given her an apology but I haven�t this time. This is because sometimes an apology has made her even worse and ruined things further. So I feel like I�m damned if I do and damned if I don�t. This really is the most miserable place to be emtionally because I miss the intimacy and sharing we did before. She seems distant and cold now.

Is this relationship over and is she just trying to make me break up?? Does she only wan�t to be friends again? Or what the h*ll is going on??

[KristenElaine]

being someone who has suffered from depression, what i get from her actions is that she has pulled back. Maybe she feels you ended things. My question is...Why are you still with a girl who is openly seeing other guys? I have 2 failed relationships because of not getting my emotions and life under control. I would recommend walking away from her and letting her sort her self out. You deserve better than to care about someone who doesnt care about themselves.

[smackie9]

Even though her question was rather silly sounding there was a message in there. She was wondering how much you truly care about her. It's obvious she is insecure about your relationship and the question was a test to see how dedicated you actually are. Instead though your answer wasn't what she expected (with girls you are supposed to know what to say lol) and it really insulted her or let her down, hence the total cooling off. She was very angry, and with girls her age don't expect them to tell you anything, (again you are supposed to know lol).

Now for her saying things about other guys, it's just talk to get revenge for hurting her feelings. I doubt she is doing anything, she is just playing games to get back at you, which girls tend to do in situations like this.

Now if you still want to deal with an immature girl that doesn't know how to handle relationships, here is what you do.......Write her a love letter to her about how you feel with an apology (taking all blame), hand her over some nice flowers and profess your love to her, and how much she means to you blah blah blah. If she blows you off, then you tell her you will always love her, then walk away, and no contact. See where that takes you, it may of may not work but what the hell it's worth a try.

[JamesWS]

Thanks for your post.

[DolphinMan]

Even though her question was rather silly sounding there was a message in there. She was wondering how much you truly care about her. It's obvious she is insecure about your relationship and the question was a test to see how dedicated you actually are. Instead though your answer wasn't what she expected (with girls you are supposed to know what to say lol) and it really insulted her or let her down, hence the total cooling off. She was very angry, and with girls her age don't expect them to tell you anything, (again you are supposed to know lol).

Now for her saying things about other guys, it's just talk to get revenge for hurting her feelings. I doubt she is doing anything, she is just playing games to get back at you, which girls tend to do in situations like this.

Now if you still want to deal with an immature girl that doesn't know how to handle relationships, here is what you do.......Write her a love letter to her about how you feel with an apology (taking all blame), hand her over some nice flowers and profess your love to her, and how much she means to you blah blah blah. If she blows you off, then you tell her you will always love her, then walk away, and no contact. See where that takes you, it may of may not work but what the hell it's worth a try.

Hi again. I did exactly like you suggested and sent her a long mail decalring my love and that I was sorry. She answered back that she loved me too but note that she said loved she didn´t say "IN LOVE"...so I´m not really any further and she STILL calls ONLY when she is sitting in the bus on her way home. I guess this relationship is dead...sad

[Cerulean.]

Good riddance, I say. No offense. She'll be kicking herself in the future for doing that. I'd also quit being her "phone call" for while she's bored on the bus. Sorry things didn't go the way you wished.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Cerulean is right. Stop talking to her, period.