Hello!
Some of you might remember my last post, but for you who don't, I'll summarize it for you.
Basically, I have a girl friend (not girlfriend) who I've known for a couple of years. We've become quite close the past months and I've developped feelings for her.
About 2 weeks ago, she came around, and, don't ask me how it happened, but we started kissing and made out the whole night. Nothing sexual, just kisses and hugs.
A few days later we spoke about it and she basically said that it just felt right at the time and that she doesn't have any feelings for me but that she only felt some type of atraction at the time it happened.
So I asked her, on the phone, if she'd like to keep "the door open" and she said no.
She is the calm type of girl. Kindest person I've ever known and I find I know that she wouldn't do anything with someone unless it meant something to her... at least, that's what I'd like to think.
So, this is the update...
I was almost sure that nothing else would happen after our conversation on the phone, but boy, was I wrong!
She came around 2 days ago. We chilled, watched some TV like we always do and... we started kissing again. I was the one who took the initiative.
We also went a step further than kissing, not proper sex but I think you all know what I mean.
It felt so right. Afterwards we were both lying in my bed, she was cuddled up to me and it felt so perfect. Hard to explain really... just the feeling you get when you're deeply in love with someone I guess.
Anyway, we spoke on the phone again, today...
I was kind of hoping that she would have changed her mind by now and that she had developped some type of feelings for me, but... she said to me that she had no feelings for me whatsoever, except some feelings of atraction, or "lust".
We kind of agreed that we both wouldn't mind that much if it happened again, but at the same time, she was very keen on making it clear that she had no feelings for me whatsoever.
She also said that she would hate it if she was giving me any false hope or anything like that and she also said that if we keep doing what we're now doing, we're not supposed to feel "binded" to our "thing". Meaning, we can date whoever we want, make out with whoever we want and so on. Like a friendship with benefits but with no strings attached.
I asked her if she was really sure about this and only after I'd asked her a few times I lied and said that I felt the same way when the truth is that I have very deep feelings for her.
She said that she'd hate it if our friendship changed or if anythign happened that would jepordize our friendship. I promised her that she'd always have my friendship, no matter what.
We've really become a lot closer the past 2 weeks. I guess we kind act like BF/GF towards each other. We talk for at least 2 hours per day, we open up to each other, I do the whole "baby-voice" thing to her when she's hurt herself, I care about her more than I would with a friend. You know what I mean.
I asked one of my friends what he thinks, and he basically thinks that she DOES have feelings for me but that she's uncomfortable with "putting a lable on it" because she is having some problems about going from friendship to relationship. But Im not so sure about this. Even though he (my friend) is very sure that she has feelings for me and that she'll come around eventually and wanna make it "official" Im not so sure that that's the case.
She was so keen on making it sure to me that she had no feelings of love for me but simply some feelings of atraction and that she wouldn't mind that much if it happened again, just as long she doesn't lose me as her friend.
Now it kind of feels like I've finished on 2nd place. Like Im the one that she can "have fun with" while she's searching for true love. And that SUCKS.
I'd appreciate if you could give me some help, especially girls since she is a girl and girls seem to know how girls think.
R