what should I do?

[heartach]

I have been married for a while and I haven't been the best wife and I have lost my husband as a best friend and so he has found a few female friends he considers a best friend and one of the he has feelings for. He sees her as a crush and obsession and he said he is trying to work on it. But the way he has been acting I don't think he is. I know I have pushed hime away and I am trying to undeRstand and work on getting my friend back. But I can't do it alone and he says I should work on me and let him work on him so he feels he dosent have to take care Of my needs. I am trying but I believe this should be a group effort. But I'm confused on what to do. He is physical and sexual with me one moment ad then distant the next and he can't explain it, I feel he knows what it is and he just dosent want to share it. I feel that he is unhappy with me and ratheR be with his obsession since he has been confiding in her as a bestfriend and becomes distant after he talks to her or sees her or hangs out with her. We will be intament one moment and then he is distant the next. Is he wanting her. Should I give him a way out? Should I bring him to marriage counsiling? I feel alone trying to make it work and I believe it should be a team effort if he really wants our marriage to work. Am I wrong? What can I or should I do?

[bulrush]

He says he is trying to work on your marriage but he isn't?

When you say you haven't been a good wife, what did you do exactly? It sounds like you were abusive or you cheated on him.

I am trying but I believe this should be a group effort.

First you have to fix yourself before the group effort can begin. If you start the "group effort" too soon, you will likely forget to work on yourself.

Is he wanting her. Should I give him a way out? Should I bring him to marriage counsiling?

I don't know if he wants her. If you want the marriage to work you have to prove you are working on your self. Couples counseling might be helpful for you two, but you still need to work on yourself, and you might need single therapy also.

Am I wrong?

If you want the marriage to work, you have to fix yourself, and tell him you want it to work. And you have to earn his trust again. If you don't tell him, every week, that you want the marriage to work, then he will assume you are done with the marriage and he will go elsewhere.