What should I do girls?

[R3AL_LUV]

I"ll try and keep my story short and sweet but back in feb my gf of 5 years and i broke up. We had broken up a year earlier and she even had the chance to date someone else but to only run back in my arms and beg me to take her back again and so i gave her another chance. Anyway in march she messaged me again and we started talking again and now its june and she told me that she dsnt want to lead me on. We talked about getting back together she says she loves me but she just cant do it anymore and that she dsnt want a bf. however, shes the one who always messages and calls me first and often gives the odd sign that she still wants us to be together. I know for a fact that she needs me in her life but i want her as a gf because i dont wanna waste those 5 years we spent together and i dont wanna be her friend because if shes not ganna come back and be my girl then i should move on. Shes even tolde that some guys like her but she doesnt want any of them because they have big shoes to fill, referring to me. So ladies is this over and done with or is it just a matter of time because i"m running out of patience, we have been dating on and off for the past 5 years and i know that she wants it to work as much as i do.

[mjewels]

If two people really want something to work, my motto is that it shouldn't be such hard work. As a woman regardless who i was with and what age i was, i was always against going back and forth. It's simply torture. I could understand ok once for a good cause, but other then that i believe theres always a reason people are our x's. I suppose the question is what is it that caused this on and off again relationship? Without knowing the reasons behind it i suggest if you can't accept friendship with this person, it's time to move on. Just because you've wasted 5 years with someone doesn't make them worthy enough to waste however many more. It just seems like she wants to keep you there as a back up in case someone else doesn't come along. Overall i think you should count your losses and move on. If you want to continue the same path on and off again well just continue where you are.

[Angellic]

She's being a manipulative cow - she doesn't want to make any kind of commitment to you, but she doesn't want you to move on and perhaps meet someone else. Basically she wants to have it all ways and leave you dangling for an eternity. Do yourself a favour and tell her to leave you alone so you can get on with your life.

[R3AL_LUV]

She acts weird around me all the time. For example she asked me to drop her off at this place and so I kindly did and offered her a ride back home once she was done but she said no and that she would walk home but then ended up asking me to drop her at home. The funny thing is that the location was close to her residents. Another thing that I have noticed is that she becomes really talkative when I dont message her or call her and shes the one who often messages or calls me at the start of everyday but when I start to reply and have a normal conversation with her she tends to then ignore my messages and takes a long time to answer back. It"s really weird.

[RdHrshyKss]

it sounds to me like this girl is extremely confused. i agree with angellic for the most part. it sounds like most of her behavior is for attention. but some of it could just be out of pure habit. you were together for 5 years, which is a pretty long time. she probably knows deep down inside that you guys aren't right for each other, but is afraid to let you go because (1) she hasn't met someone else that she likes and connects with and (2) she doesn't want you to find someone else before her. plain and simple, she is afraid of being alone. and i don't blame her, being alone can be pretty stressful.

just for a bit of a comparison, my ex and i split up in march 2011. we had been together for 5 years as well. after we moved out of our apartment and were officially done, we still maintained contact for a little while. not because we still had feelings for each other, but because we were lonely and because old habits die hard. he was my best friend. we had lived together and were a part of each other's lives for so long. when something crazy, funny, etc. happened to me, he would be the first person i wanted to share it with because he knew me better than anyone. so it was really hard for me to let that go. it took a little while for me to eventually cut back on the contact, but when i heard he had begun seeing someone else, it became a bit easier for me to start moving on. once that happened it became a little easier for me to venture out and try to meet other people. i ended up meeting someone that summer and have been with him ever since.

so it started with me talking to my ex regularly, to talking to him here and there, to not talking to him at all. it was a gradual moving on process for me. and it sounds like your ex is in somewhat of a similar boat as me. although, my communication with my ex was limited to chatting online. we didn't talk on the phone, and seeing each other was out of the question. i think maintaining physical contact makes it a lot harder to move on.

my gut feeling is that your ex doesn't want to be with you, but wants to keep you around for the attention and support. it's up to you how you'd like to handle that. if the only way you can maintain any kind of relationship with her is if you guys are together, than you need to tell her that. if she isn't willing to give it another shot, then it would probably be best for you to begin moving on and putting yourself out there to find your true match. i would suggest eliminating physical contact and keeping any kind of phone/text conversations to the point...strictly friendly.

when you say that you respond to her text messages, but that she doesn't respond to yours, that tells me that she is more concerned about her own wants/needs than your own. she texts you in order to get a response from you...that gives her the attention she needs to fulfill whatever void she has going on. but she isn't thinking along the lines of your needs...that when you text her, you'd like a response in a similar manner. these are signs that she isn't interested in being with you, but is more interested in the attention you give her.

it is up to you how you'd like to change things. this is only my opinion, so you can take it or leave it, but my gut feeling is that she is not the right girl for you. if she wanted to be with you, it sounds like you guys would be together...and you wouldn't be dealing with all these games it appears she is playing. you'd be better off putting all of this attention on another girl who is open to being in a relationship. someone new who appreciates the attention and support you give and will return it. good luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She's not confused, she's just a bitch, and she's made you her bitch. Tell her not to contact you for any reason, unless it's to get back together. Ignore all further contact. Good luck you poor sap, I don't think you stand a chance, but good luck.

[R3AL_LUV]

Thanks for the replies and maybe I forgot to mention something else and that is that she has told me that a few guys like her and tried to flirt with her but she doesn't want anything to do with them because they simply can't offer her what I offer her. I spoke about getting back together a few months ago and she said that she couldn't do it anymore because everytime were together we seem to fight alot but when were just friends we get along really well. I'm not sure whether she doesn't want to get back together so we don't fight but I'm in no rush to find someone else or get back with her at all because I have more important things to worry about. I just wish for the sake of those past 5 years we could have figured it out together but I don't know what she's thinking because if she doesn't want another guy then why not fix it. She has even once recommended that I would date this certain girl that she found for me.