What is the best thing to do?

[Plucheke007]

First I need to tell a little bit about how we started off, because I believe that is why it hurts me so deep.
I was 16 when I got to know this guy, I was in love with him from the start, but was to shy to say anything about it. But he liked me to and we became the very best friends. We talked for hours, every day, about our problems, but also about normal stuff, ... . This went on untill I was about 19 years old. I finally had the courage to tell him how I felt and we ended up spending lots of evenings together watching movies and eventually we kissed and spent the night together (we didn't have sex, but were intimate in other ways). I was so happy, because I finally had him, the one who I've loved for years. But the next day he texted me that he wasn't ready for this and didn't want to be in a relationship with me. It broke my heart, but I wanted to stay friends very badly. So we did, we went on like before, still talking as much, ... . Then we both got together with someone else, at the same time. So he was with his girlfriend, and I was with my boyfriend, but still we talked and talked and talked. During this period he also told me he was in love with someone else, but couldn't tell me who it was. Both our relationships ended at the same time (like a week in between). And the first thing he did after he ended his relationship was text me that he loved me and wanted another chance. Although I loved him aswell, I was afraid. And I was just coming out of a relationship so I wanted a little time off. He kept asking and begging me for 3 months and finally I gave in to my feelings, making myself very vunerable again because I had put my heart and soul on the table with him for the 2nd time. This happend when I was 21 years old. I really thought this was faith, that we ended up together again. But while thinking that, I already started to worry "what if I lose him again?"

That is the start of our relationship. Now after 6 years ( 3 years living together) we broke up. And I'm in pain. Not only because of the break-up, but because I have come to realise that most of it was my fault. From the start I was afraid of losing him, so I denied him from doing stuff, I was angry about the craziest things, and I searched for negative things, all the time. I don't say it was always my fault, he had his mistakes to, but I always overreacted. And the worst thing is, I only realise this now, after 6 years, I always thought I was in my right, I acted honestly, what I did was normal, ... .

The hardest thing for me in our relationship was his mother. He comes from big money (and I don't) and she always made me feel like I wasn't worthy of him. So when we started living together, I had no choice but to live in the house he was given by his mother. I didn't realise at that time, that I was fortunate, to be able to live free of charge in a nice home, the only thing I was thinking was "I don't want to live in HER house, because she doesn't like me and she will throw me out at any time, she will have her say in everything, we won't be able to live our own lifes, ..." I was making myself sick in my head, always thinking negative. But as I said before, it is only now that I came to realise that was wrong of me to do.

I put my boyfriend in a situation where he couldn't be happy, because I was always negative about everything, I told myself I couldn't live like this, I could never be happy her with him, ... and after you tell it to yourself a 1000 times, you start to believe it. So I really thought he would never be able to make me happy. So I broke up with him. We still lived together for a week and then his mother threw me out of the house. But after a few weeks, I started thinking about things, about myself. And now I realise that he must have loved me to dead to keep up with all my shit for 6 years! And I threw that away, just by worrying, scared of losing him, scared of his mother, scared of the money he had, ... . And all I had to do was trust in his love for me, because that would have solved everything.

Now I'm talking to a psychologist, about how I have acted and how I regret everything. I also talked to my ex-boyfriend about it, and asked him for a 2nd change, to prove I know I acted wrong, and I wanted to make him happy. But he doesn't want to give me a change. He says he was so sick of it at the end, that he was soo happy to be away from me. He says he still loves me and that maybe in the future we will be back together again but not now. He also started a new "relationship" already, with a girl that is 7 years younger, still in school, likes to go to bars and drink, the oppiste of me. He says he is happy now, no complications, no one who tells him what to do, ... . But I'm truely a wreck. Feeling this regret of pushing him away, knowing that we were perfect for eachother, and I ruined it.

I don't know what to do. Forget about him? Don't know if I can. But I don't want to be stuck in a situation like when we were 19. Both having other relationships, but deep down inside loving him still.

[Cerby]

I feel bad for the loss of a 6 year relationship. And don't necessarily think you were wrong, you acted like you acted, and unfortunately, you also broke up with him. You tied his wings down for so long he forgot what it was like to actually be free. Once you dumped him, he realized how much better things were away from the relationship.

He might come around, but I doubt it. You DO need to move on, I don't see this ever coming back.