She turned 21..what happend!?

[brad2012]

I have been dating this girl for a year and half having the greatest time of our lives with an occasional argument but nothing to severe. We spent every weekend together doing fun things and taking her on a couple vacations. I am 23 and had a few relationships in the past that never lasted no more than 3 months. Most of the reasons for break-ups were the girl cheated but a couple cases I broke up with them for no real reason. I suppose I was terrified of commitment. I believe I have met the one I want to marry. I struggled revealing my feelings to her in the beginning never saying I love you to her even though she said it to me. She turned 21 and we went out for her bday. Everything was still fine. The next couple weeks she turned into a completely different person. Delayed text messages (couple hours to not responding untill the next day), deleting me as a friend on facebook, and her reasoning was she got a job at a bar and needed the money really bad therefore the job was more important than I was working every day/night on weekends and most of the week so she broke it off with me. I convinced her to talk in person and I revealed my feelings to her in tears finally admiting I love her and she told me she waited so long to hear that and we agreed to get back together. A week of texting eachother constantly throughout the day seemed back to normal but after that week she sent me a text saying" im sorry I dont want to be in a relationship. I need to be single for once in my life and grow up. I have always been in a relationship and for once I need to be independent." I tried convincing her you can be independent and have your space, having girls night out at the bar. I asked if she was unhappy with me and wanted to date other guys and she replied with no I only want you. I invited her to the movies and other events but her work,her girlfriends, or her family was always top priority and I was last even though I use to be first for a year and half. I went to the bar with my buddy and a week later she texted me and met up with us. She was hugging me, flirting, and ended up coming home with me that night. No sexual contact was performed. She sends me a text saying im sorry I shouldnt have stayed with u, I am sorry to get your hopes up. I let it go for two weeks and I couldnt stand not communicating any longer as it was eating me up inside. I texted her and we talked for a few days. She stayed at my place three nights in a row and I stayed at hers the fourth night. No sexual contact except one night I thought things were going good. I was trying to prove to her I am not a piece of ass whenever its convient for her so I held out on the romantic side of things except for cuddling and being close of course. I invited her to do things and of course it was back to the routine of ignoring me, telling me she turned her phone off, she left her phone at home, she was at work, etc. I stopped texting her after I wrote a long text stating my feelings have not changed but I do not feel comfortable with our current relationship, I feel unappreciated, etc...she ignored my message with no reply, a week later I was at a party where I was hangin with friends. She shows up by herself and immediatly comes over to me being super nice asking how I was. Before she came over she saw some drunk girl I was not interested in flirting with me and I knew she was staring so I kept talking to this girl just to show I am not waiting on her to straighten up sitting at home every weekend like I first did for several weeks. I was nice to her and yet again we acted in front of 50 people like we were back together. hugging, holding hands, etc. She stayed once again that night. No sexual contact! I have blunty asked her several times if she still loves me. She replies with a YES....I ask if she still wants to be in my future together and she says YES...After the party I yet again invited her to hang out the next couple days and delayed texts and sorry I cant was her answer once again. Even though she wont add me on facebook, I still can see her wall and relationship status and profile pic. Its still single and her wall pertains to nothing leading to she is dating another guy. She has this best friend who is a male that I am friends with and I have asked him about her. He replies with I dont know man, there is no other guy, she is just messed up right now but I can tell she defintely still loves you. Currently it has been a little over two weeks since I last texted, contacted, or seen her. What the hell am I suppose to do to get the girl of my dreams back? It has been roughly 6 weeks since she broke it off with me. Friends tell me she knows she has me by the balls and I need to reverse it so I am in charge and let her come begging back. My female friend asked her why we broke up. She said cause I need my own space, ill beat the shit out of any girl thats with him, and I know he will be waiting for me. Time is the hardest thing to grasp in a non-communicating matter. I want to text her so badly and get her back in my life but im worried she will continue to play these stupid head games getting my hopes up high then slammin them to the ground over and over. I have read on a couple sites that I should wait having no contact for at least 2-4 weeks and see if she contacts me. If she doesnt, then ask to grab a cup of coffee or something little. Im scared of losing her and some bum takes my place. Another site said wait a week after no contact and have short conversations with her and possibly grabbing a cup of coffee as friends not letting her know im hurting inside and weak without her and certainly dont keep pumping the question "Do you want to get back together". When I turned 21 I remember I was a dumbass and wanted to be a big boy going to the bar with friends scouting out new women but I realized in a matter of a couple months that the bar sucked and no women there were worthy of a future together. Any advice would be greatly appreciated because I constantly think about her every single day but I cannot continue to play games. She needs to realize a great guy that loves her and she loves him wants a future together. I believe her single girlfriends who she goes to the bar with are probably pumping information in her head stating your hot and you can get any guy you want. They are right but she will not find a guy that loves her as much as I do and actually wants to have a future with her rather than a piece of ass at closing time. It all of a sudden turned bad when she turned 21 and obviously her bar girlfriends must have really influences her decision. It would be less hard if she would have blunty said I do not love you anymore and we have no future together but she tells me she does and some of her actions pertain to just that while the other shady actions dont. please help

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop contact, and start seeing other women. You really do need to get out and start going after other girls. Even if this girl comes back to you, she will do the same thing again. Treat her as nothing but a **** buddy to help you release your sexual tension while you look for someone who is worth having a relationship with. Using her like this will also draw her back in and make her pine over you more. Sounds mean, but it's really not. She's proven she deserves to be treated as nothing more than a vagina. Once you realize this and treat her accordingly, she'll be at your mercy.

I can't stress the importance of finding another girl enough!.

[brad2012]

so if by chance she does contact me either by text or run into eachother in public...should I act like I want nothing to do with her not bringing us together up anymore but still being nice (not inviting her to do anything and acting like I am happy with my single life and using her for sex if she leads to it as u say? Basically treat her as she does me then if I run into her in public act flirty, sleep with her, then next day act like it was nothing but a one night stand not texting her....do you suppose it would spark the fire in good way as in my favor if I had a girl with me or even texting other girls in front of her say if we was at the same party because we are bound to run into eachother at some point at a party or the bar im sure....I know you say I should find another woman worthy of a relationship but she truly was worthy of a relationship for a year and half then BAM different person.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

The last part is all that matters. She is a different person. This different person is not worthy.

All of the things you mentioned are good tactics, but if you run into her in public just keep it brief. If she sleeps with you, definitely do not call or text the next day(or the day after). If she texts you, keep it very brief. If she comes back around talking about wanting to take things slowly, don't fall for it. If she doesn't want to sleep with you, get up and leave or kick her out immediately. Don't consider taking her seriously again until you've been sleeping together for at least a few weeks, and begs to have the relationship back. You won't know how serious she is unless she is willing to be direct enough to take a chance at possibly humiliating herself to get you back. I think if she hears about you with another girl, it will get the ball rolling even faster.

[oldskool83]

your in love with the person you use to know. She turned 21.....that says it all. most younger people cannot handle this concept of OMG im 21, i can do it all, so many guys around the bars ill go be stupid. Let her go man, theres not a reason in the world she cant have fun and even enjoy this fun with you but shes choosing to ignore you because yes she likes you, but she cant see herself with you anymore. you have become expendable. Why even ask ask ask ask her to hang. The little change even left is ruined by you sounding needy, im sure she is your best friend by this point but just find other things to do. If you would of ignored her right away as i do once they get stupid she would have been blowing up your texter. The end result is the same, you broke up with women for no reason at all (now you have experianced it on the other end) I dont want to sound mean but just realize she is 21, shes not gonna be the same person at 25 either. Do yourself a favor and let this go, if you need to text her then text saying if you want to act this way dont talk to me anymore or come running back in a few months after you realize how most men are.

but even that is saying tomuch. last girl who treaded me like dog shit i told her she will never see me again and dont ever text me. like clockwork everyday she text as soon as i was done with work....everything got ignored.

sorry this happened to you, your hurt and prob a very nice person, just dont let her walk all over you because from your post yes she has you by the balls.

[surfhb]

This relationship is simply over. It's hard but a part of life. Don't respond at all....unless you use her for sex only

[Cerulean.]

She loves the attention she gets from you but doesn't want you. You're her backup. Her "cuddle buddy" when she wants a man's presence around. Move on from this wench and have fun. You're still young. Mingle a bit.

[goodguy100]

were we going out with the same person?! pfff. i feel for u man because this is practically the same as my situation on the other post in the forum. this 21 thing has happened to me twice and its absolute s**te. the problem is the person above is right in most cases when he/she said 21 = a different person, and 25 again. Its about finding someone who is happy to grow whilst being with someone else. and i think its tough to find out whether your with someone like that till too late.

its all about allowing relationships to take their natural form and settin your foot right at the right time. too much pressure, discussion about the future (even if the woman started it) will eventually be something that scares a younger girl away. deflect the convo regularly, show affection where needed, but ultimately finding that balance between tough guy and kind guy is Fin hard, especially when you're predisposed to being nice and caring.

im tryin to convince myself to live in the present...not worry about the future and just enjoy today and any woman i end up spending my company with. enjoy friends, activities, keep an eye on goals short and long term.

funny thing is whatever i say to you here is counsel i should be taking. i think ideally u need to resolve to move on but dont hurt her with anything. if we all do our bit to not hurt ppl through life then many ppl will be saved pain. (great of course when we're the fall guys.. not) some relationships dont disappear easy, even if uv said the dont contact me stuff. it gets hard, someone txts someone and scabs are ripped open again! wonderful metaphor. i dont think we'll change our respective girls. we could say and do the 100% best thing to rouse their wanting to be back with us...but if they have an inherent desire (conscious or otherwise) to see whats out there...even if its gonna be eventually worse for them,, theyve got to do it.

theres millions of ppl out there...have fun..flirt...filter in those u like..and see how it goes. best of luck man.