Having been involved with a wonderful woman for a year and both of us being madly in love and talking about marriage. Then I got cold feet, ran off, and ignored her for a year as she tried to get me back. I was just controlled by my unsubstantiated fears. Two years later I realized my mistake and love her dearly. I tried getting her back only to be rejected because she said she felt what I did was beyond repair and that seeing me and hearing from me emotionally destroys her. She is now secretly dating a married man.
Anyway, I've tried dating new women and it just feels wrong! I feel guilty, ashamed and outright undeserving of any affection form another woman. I mean every time I date someone that is interested in me, I feel as though 'What right do I have at a second chance when after all my apologies and getting on my knee and taking all the blame and making a fool of myself proclaiming my love for her and she see's me as NOT WORTH A SECOND CHANCE?'
In addition, possibly giving my love to another even if I am in love with them feels wrong as I will always have love and deep affection for my ex. I have been told by my therapist that it is perfectly normal to feel love for a significant ex and at the same time love someone else. I suppose it gets quarantined in the back of our minds somehow. I now know that moving on really means in my situation is to learn to live without her!
Bottom line, this is really not easy as I am carrying massive guilt for emotionally raking havoc on someone I'll always love and can never be with, and at the same time trying to be a good person with someone new and offer my love to them without feeling like I'm denigrating the memory of my ex.
I don't feel as though I deserve it. Yes! Yes! I know. We all make mistakes. But my mistake was absolutely stupid! I ran from a situation that I was happy in and was perfect for me!! Not sure if I'll ever forgive myself.