Need help regarding an (online) relationship..

[Cerby]

you make it sound easier than it is, i don't think a councillor helps either from past experiences.

And you're making it more difficult than it needs to be. So let me pitch you this...Try online dating, you get the chance to meet local girls, but through an online setting. My current gf was met on Plenty of Fish, I also dated a girl I met on ICQ when I was 18. Other than that I've met people through running, charity events, hell, I even dated a girl I met through small talk at a coffee shop.

If you assume everything will fail, it probably will. You're here asking for help, and there are people who are experienced in dating trying to help. You're falling back saying "oh online is the easiest, but it still doesn't work." You have social anxiety, and a councillor CAN help if you go in with an open mind.

[Welshy]

Why not try actual dating web sites like lavalife, plentyoffish, match and so on? You make a profile about things you like and don't like and whoever likes it will respond. If you're set on online stuff anyways. Also, are you saying that you tried therapy and it hasn't worked for you?

I have actually tried a couple of dating sites in the past, thing is how am i supposed to fill in much detail about myself if there isn't a whole lot to say?. See what i mean?, yes i've tried therapy before, i just didn't feel it helped at all.

I also want to add to my last post, i've still been talking to her and she asked if i wanted to try and work things out. How is that supposed to work? she said i make her happy in every way but that one way, if she likes girls then what is there to work out?. Seriously i am confused, it's making me feel worse talking to her as well.

[Asip4u]

I have actually tried a couple of dating sites in the past, thing is how am i supposed to fill in much detail about myself if there isn't a whole lot to say?. See what i mean?, yes i've tried therapy before, i just didn't feel it helped at all.

I also want to add to my last post, i've still been talking to her and she asked if i wanted to try and work things out. How is that supposed to work? she said i make her happy in every way but that one way, if she likes girls then what is there to work out?. Seriously i am confused, it's making me feel worse talking to her as well.

I know it's hard to understand but this is just a fantasy right now(you and that girl) and down the road you would find out eventually that it's not going anywhere and it would hurt you MORE. If you at least started slowly looking at women in your area (even if you found them online) and started talking and eventually meeting up for coffee or whatever, you would start getting comfortable. As Cerby already said, you can't be so negative all the time or you'll never accomplish anything. Have some belief that it will work out and start taking baby steps towards it.

[Cerby]

I have actually tried a couple of dating sites in the past, thing is how am i supposed to fill in much detail about myself if there isn't a whole lot to say?. See what i mean?, yes i've tried therapy before, i just didn't feel it helped at all.

I also want to add to my last post, i've still been talking to her and she asked if i wanted to try and work things out. How is that supposed to work? she said i make her happy in every way but that one way, if she likes girls then what is there to work out?. Seriously i am confused, it's making me feel worse talking to her as well.

No one ever has much to say, we're not all astronauts and bull fighters. For me I just outlined that I run marathons, don't do drugs, enjoy sushi and going to comedy clubs. Add humor, some nice pictures, and you're off.

You've built dating up to be this massive process that requires a certain amount of something to get involved in, but the reality is you don't need to be anything in particular, you just need to be yourself. You need therapy for self-esteem issues I think. You carry no sense of personal worth, so you turn to online only relationships, which as simply unfulfilling IMO because without personal contact, its just chat.

[Welshy]

without personal contact, its just chat.

This is true, but i don't talk to them just expecting a chat, this girl i knew the past year was going to come meet me and if it wasn't for this one thing getting in the way i believe it would happen.

We talked about a lot of things over that time, i still can't believe she'd rather be with someone her own sex than with me who she'd built up trust with and everything.. Practically everything we talked about feels meaningless even though she still means a lot to me.

[Welshy]

is it worth me asking her to talk to somebody about being attracted to girls?, get some help?.

would anything change her mind at all?

[Cerby]

Why would you want to change her? Sexual attraction isn't something that can be "fixed", its either there or it isn't. She feels attraction for women, thats how it is. She isn't broken or needs to be fixed, its who she is.

I think you have more pressing issues to deal with yourself, asking her to seek help to fix your relationship probably isn't one of them.

[Welshy]

Why would you want to change her? Sexual attraction isn't something that can be "fixed", its either there or it isn't. She feels attraction for women, thats how it is. She isn't broken or needs to be fixed, its who she is.

I think you have more pressing issues to deal with yourself, asking her to seek help to fix your relationship probably isn't one of them.

it was only 2 months ago that she was going to come visit me, she was all for it. She has not had any sexual contact with anyone, how can she be attracted to women if she has not even given us a chance yet?

see i don't think she really is a lesbian, more confused because of no contact.. she really does not seem that type to me, so i really want to make it work..

i really need some help on this..

[Welshy]

I got a text from her telling me she is sorry for hurting me and is confused, as i guessed..

she is telling me she wants to be with me, but she likes women and she likes me. what can be done about this? it's still awkward.. i mean, if she was with me, does that mean she wouldn't want anyone else?.

I am just as confused as she is now

[surfhb]

it was only 2 months ago that she was going to come visit me, she was all for it. She has not had any sexual contact with anyone, how can she be attracted to women if she has not even given us a chance yet?

see i don't think she really is a lesbian, more confused because of no contact.. she really does not seem that type to me, so i really want to make it work..

i really need some help on this..

You need to forget this girl and move on. You need to change your attitude ALOT! Dont say it cant be done because people like yourself change their ways all the time

[melissa0228]

I agree, besides it comes in nature that you can't change other people. How can you be able to change her from liking women? So, you better think deeply and decide for yourself and not for her.