exes and cheating

[katajp]

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 4 months now. Through this time we've learned so much about each other, the good and the bad. Its safe to say that i've considered her the woman that i'm going to spend my life with. We've fallen very much in love and we really do care about each other. Where my problem lies is with her choices that she made before we knew each other. I knew that she was sexually active before we met, but i've tried to never let it get the best of me, especially since when we met i'd never had sex before. However, recently she told me that she had sex with her friend two years before we met. She told me that it was a fling and that they did not date, she just liked him and they did it once. I do not like this guy because ever since i've met her he's acted like he's owned her and still considers himself in love with her. He sleeps around and has no direction or goals in life and is also in trouble with the law and has warrants out for his arrest. He also smokes, drinks, gambles, lies, etc and is just not an influence i'd ever want someone to be around. I just am having a hard time looking at her the same after she told me this. All i see when i look in her eyes is his 'one night stand.' She has also made it clear to not tell him that we are dating because he is in love with her and is known to be suicidal. When we are around him we have to act as 'friends' and not as lovers, which irritates me. But if i were to say something to him, she'd probably leave me and he might do something to us or to himself. Although she claims to not have any feelings for him it feels very hard on my part. Should i not read anything in to this or should i doubt our relationship? I'm just having a hard time distinguishing what my feelings are (heartbreak, jealousy, anger, etc).

P.S- I really do love her i just need some suggestions on looking beyond her past and what i should do.

[steviej]

Don't have conversations with her if you are not going to like the answers, stop talking about her past sexual exploits!

Are you a 'couple,' as in officially dating? If so i wouldn't be impressed about having to keep it quiet, this is something you need to sort with her.
By the way, don't get too caught up in the whole 'she's the one!' thing, you've only been seeing her 4 months and its the first girl you've slept with.

[misskitty]

"She has also made it clear to not tell him that we are dating because he is in love with her and is known to be suicidal. When we are around him we have to act as 'friends' and not as lovers"

This sentence says it all. If you want to learn about someone, look at who they choose to associate with. She's chosen to be "friends" with a criminal who is suicidal. So, how long exactly is she planning to keep your relationship a secret from her friend? A year? Two years? Will you have to have a secret wedding and raise your children in the basement so he doesn't know? I would be a bit suspicious of the nature of this "friendship" with this guy. She sounds like she has a LOT of baggage. If she's willing to break up with you because you tell someone you're dating, then she's not worth your time to begin with.

[Kelvin69]

If she really love u then she should respect u. Y can't she tell him that she is in a relationship with u? She might be using u only and try tell her whats in ur mind. We should respect each other as a couple and from what i read she never care bout how u feel. Try talk to her nicely and see how her response. No need to hide ur relationship from someone and u should know how u feel now..make it clear asap..

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Next time you're around him with her, give her a big fat kiss.

[Cerulean.]

How old are you two?

[warriormaiden]

First off.

Don't ever say 'This person is the one' after 4 months. Because thats jinxing yourself. Say that after two years.

Two. I think its kinda naive and silly that you're upset over someone she slept with YEARS ago. Not like she's sleeping with him now. But that whole, hide our love thing must be addressed and you must talk to her about this, quickly. If you don't like her friends, then don't go around them. After 4 months, who are you to dictate whose the proper company for her?