Upset, need strong advice.

[Bewsh]

Hey everyone. (Long story ahead, sorry)

Some very brief background information: Known the girl for 2 years, used to date for a couple of weeks when we first met, was very crazy about her but played it far too cool, she thought i showed no interest and spoke to other people. 6 months on, i'm finding myself still hooked on her, thought about her everyday. Turns out she was the same, we get together and now we are in a relationship that's lasted a year and a half.

Everyone has always commented on how we are so perfect for each other, and we do think the same as well. We have noticed that our relationship and the love that we share is far greater than the people we know around us (we're 18). Other relationships around us just seem dull and lifeless, and as if they're only in it for the sex. Ours is completely different. Ours is energetic, loving, passionate, we always go out places together etc etc.

So yeah, that's a bit of information. Now basically my problem was caused over some arguments. Since we started going out, we never argued constantly like a lot of other people do, instead we were happy but then every 4 months or so, something would happen and we'd have a bit of an argument that would last a day or two, but everything gets sorted and we grow stronger. Now, the past 6 months we haven't had an argument at all, we are always far too happy with each other to even think about arguing. But last month I got pretty ill and was told by the doctors to stay indoors, and stay away from everyone other than family in my household because I was contagious. (My girlfriend was extra cautious because she has a family holiday booked for a couple of weeks time) So obviously, this hit me VERY hard. Ended up feeling very depressed, upset etc that I couldn't see friends and more so that I couldn't see her. Knowing that in my head she was just a mere 5 minute walk away from my house, yet I still wouldnt be able to see her for the following 5 - 7 weeks.

The whole next month because of how bad and how low I was feeling, whenever we spoke, I was VERY different to my normal self. Wasn't as chatty with her, not as friendly etc. This sort of worsened over a couple of weeks. She started going out to clubs at nights with her friends and I started feeling paranoid, she stopped texting me like usual and wasn't showing much affection, so I thought something may have been going on, or that I had lost her. This caused more arguments (Arguments were not actually THAT big, it's just that it carried on for a whole month and we were not as chatty as usual)

So, I finally met up with her yesterday to sort everything out. We were both 100% honest with eachother, I explained in detail why i've been like I have, how I felt, my emotions etc etc. She was crying about it because I made her so upset the past month (this hurt me deeply) After a huge discussion about it all, she went a bit quiet with tears in her eyes and said "After all of this I dont feel like I love you the same as I used to now. I never thought you would be able make me feel this upset. This past month has shown me a whole different side to you that I don't like" I explained then that I was feeling VERY low, and things I did and said were not like me, and now that I'm well again and can go back to my normal life, this horrible me has gone. The happy, positive me will be back for good. She replied with "I'm giving you this one last chance. If you ever make me feel like this again for a month then that's your chance over, it's going to take a lot for things to go back to how it was a month ago but i'm giving you this last chance" After that we agreed to put it behind us and never speak about it again. The conversation after that lightened up a bit and seemed slightly okay, obviously not like usual, but it was better. When we had to leave I hugged her goodbye and she said one last time "This is your one last chance.. okay"

So these two things she said are what REALLY shook me up: 1) "After all of this I dont feel like I love you the same as I used to now. I never thought you would be able make me feel this upset. This past month has shown me a whole different side to you that I don't like"

And: "I'm giving you this one last chance. If you ever make me feel like this again for a month then that's your chance over, it's going to take a lot for things to go back to how it was a month ago but i'm giving you this last chance"

The biggest shock to me here was her saying she doesn't love me like she used to now. And this really, is what's upsetting me right now. She said that things will go back to how they used to be, but it's just going to take some time. But for her to say she doesn't love me like she used to? I looked at it as if I was her, if this was me, I know for a fact that I would NOT, love her any less, but I know for a FACT that i would be very angry and upset with her, which would lead my emotions to say that i'm not feeling as close to her as usual. But within a few weeks time of it being exactly how it used to be, they would soon just fade out in the past and everything would be fine again.... I don't really know what to think about it. I never expected her to say that. She said she still loves me, but at the moment it isn't how it used to be. Will it ever go back? What shall I do? I've treated it as if we are back dating, I'm going to take her places like back when we dating, take it ALL the way back to those times, hopefully it will spark up her feelings again?

Any advice at all will be appreciated, really down about this right now, just want the old us back.

Thanks

[Bewsh]

Any advice? Anyone?

[MaidenMinx]

Honestly man, the hard times are what show us who our real friends are. The fact that she couldn't be understanding and supportive is a huge red flag.
Also, you can't promise not to find yourself in a dark place ever again. Shit happens, and if she can't support you through the tough times, you're not going to last.

[Primal]

"Funny", how she only likes you when things go well. This pretty much tells you how understanding and sensitive your girlfriend is.

[jetta86s]

She said it herself, It would take time before things will go back. Girls tends to say what they feel at the moment. But you know we easily change our mind based on how we feel. Just show her how much you love her and things will go back to the way they use to be. AND DONT DO THAT AGAIN!! HAHA

[Bewsh]

She said it herself, It would take time before things will go back. Girls tends to say what they feel at the moment. But you know we easily change our mind based on how we feel. Just show her how much you love her and things will go back to the way they use to be. AND DONT DO THAT AGAIN!! HAHA

So you think it's just her being angry at the moment? Because to be honest no matter much how me and her could argue, i'd still love her no less, i'd just feel anger and not want to see her much until it's better then i'd be fine. How long do you reckon it will probably take her to go back? I've been exactly my old self since, positive attitude, caring etc. I asked her last night if she needed any space, or if I was maybe rushing ahead too soon. she replied saying that she didn't need space, and quote "It's just nice that you're now making an effort with me xxx" which is a good sign i guess?

Also kinda feels like i'm putting all the effort in now after it happened though. Seems like she see's me as the last resort sort of thing now which sucks, kind of as if she's taking me for granted too? Maybe it's just her way of dealing with things when she's angry..

Thanks

[Bewsh]

Honestly man, the hard times are what show us who our real friends are. The fact that she couldn't be understanding and supportive is a huge red flag.
Also, you can't promise not to find yourself in a dark place ever again. Shit happens, and if she can't support you through the tough times, you're not going to last.

"Funny", how she only likes you when things go well. This pretty much tells you how understanding and sensitive your girlfriend is.

I hate to admit it but I do feel that it was me who caused it and pushed her away like this. The first week i was ill, she was being as caring as she could be, then towards the end of that week was when i started feeling annoyed with everything etc, which is when i started giving her short, blunt replies and wasn't showing much effort with her etc. Which she did mention when we spoke about it, she said the first week i was nice and normal, but then i suddenly went really moody towards her and it made her feel guilty because it felt like she wasn't doing enough, when in fact she was just helping me. She felt like she was the cause of making me feel frustrated/depressed etc. And as i was staying the same, well, i was getting a bit more increasingly moody, that was when she decided she'd had enough and couldnt be bothered with no more, when she was annoyed at me. That carried on for a month and now it's lead to this. If i could go back and do it differently, even if it meant being ill again I would do it without a shadow of a doubt. Feel like i've ****ed everything up between us. Sad.