Not sure who will read this, but felt like I needed to just tell my story.
After being a single mom for a few years, I met a man through work, not at the same place but when i visited another office. I had an instant attraction, I arranged to go to the office again just so i could see him and eventually plucked up the courage to send him an email, inviting him for coffee. To my delight he accepted and we arranged a date. We fell in love, I had never experienced something so natural and easy, I felt that on every level we were in tune. He had been seperated for almost two years having been married for 28 years, he told me he was devestated when his wife cheated on him and couldn't forgive her. during our wonderful year together his divorce came through and i helped him all the way, he bought a house a few streets away from me and he moved into my house while we decorated and planned to move intogether. It took months for him to build up a relationship with my four year old daughter, but they ended up bonding and every day i smiled thinking I'd found the love of my life. This was not one sided, he told me daily he had found the one, wanted to get married and spend his life with me and my little girl. He told his family, my family our friends how much he loved me. we created a little family, always going on outings, he cooked wonderful meals, he encouraged me to strive for my dreams, he supported me in my role as a mom. I really could not have asked for anything better.
He was 13 years older but he was an ex boxing coach and still personal trained people so he looked much younger, i don't think a day went past when we didn't make love, everytime i saw him i would get butterflies. Only sometimes did I have doubts or concerns, looking back i'd fooled myself that this wonderful man could be up to anything, i told myself that i was the crazy one, he adored me so why would he hurt me?
A few months before the bitter end, he had stopped bringing his phone into the house, he made out he wasn't into technology and didn't need to have the phone with him all the time. He spent a great deal of time in the house renovating it, but i'd helped him and my parents and there was a great deal of work to be done but when i'd be a work i'd have no texts all day and then one late in the afternoon to say he'd decided to spend the day at his moms to decorated her house, or othertimes he'd say he'd sanded the stairs and painted, yet when i went around it was clear he hadn't. One time he came back from the gym and put his gym clothes in the washer, whilst he went upstairs i checked and they were dry. I confronted him but ended up apologising to him as he said it was the Material!!!
I thought i was going crazy!!!.
He had booked a holiday abroad for us only two months after dating, for 10 months time, that time had arrived, i'd been so excited. But a couple of days before i recieved a message on facebook from a girl who told me she had been in a sexual relationship with him for 7 months. My world collapsed. i confronted him when he got back from work and denied the whole thing, he made out she was obsessed with him and he had rejected her whilst personal training her. Deep down i didn't believe him but god did i want to believe him. I did go on holiday with him, for a couple of days I convinced myself it was all not real that the man i so dearly loved would never do that to me. but I sent this girl a message and asked her for more information. She obliged and my worst fears were confirmed, he had taken her to the same places, told her the same things and that he felt trapped by me.
I will never know the exact truth, i think he had finished with her, hence she got in touch with me. We were going to move intogether when we got back, perhaps he knew he had to make a decision about who he wanted. perhaps he never wanted her, it was me he spent almost every night with. However, I stopped fooling myself and i moved out of our hotel room half way through the holiday and told him it was over.
That was the lonliest i have ever felt. I got my parents to move all my stuff out the house, so when he returned he realised everyone knew and that i had meant what i said. I had a few texts, telling me he was sorry for the hurt he had caused and the dream he had destroyed. That he knew he had lost a good woman and best friend and that he missed me. But after i gave him another dressing down on a telephone call, he coldly told me to get over it and i've not heard a thing for a month.
I'm part relieved because i know its essential to get over someone that you don't have contact, but partly hurt that he never really tried with everything he had to try and win me back. I was supposed to be the love of his life!
I feel so hurt, disillusioned, lonely, empty and although i'm trying, i miss him so much. I want to move on but i'm scared he was my last chance at happiness. I'm 36 with a five year old daughter. i feel after having the best year of my life i've taken a dozen steps back and wonder if anyone has any words of wisdom??