Am i over reacting???

[rabbit151]

yes she appears normal to other people, maybe a little on the quiet side.

BPDO though? i dont know, when i look through your list i suppose she does exhibit some of them, but then again i think a lot of people do, im not sure???

[Bo]

Well its been a while now, and things have gotten even worse, ive got to the point were im starting to despise her and being around her, i feel as though her whole world revolves around me, she has no friends, no interests, no hobbies, and slowly over the last 2 years i now have no friends, no hobbies, no life!!! im really depressed, i want out of this relationship, but i feel so guilty for leaving her.

she always makes me feel bad after an argument, because she goes on about how much she does and everything she does for everyone and how she tries her best and i just throw it in her face. I have begun to be lazy around the house, and even dont say much, the truth is i have no motivation, i dont see it as my future home and just dont care, i love coming to work just so i can spend a few hours away from her, when she isnt coming to my office to check on me.

She is a wonderful mother, a great house wife, but i feel so smothered i constantly feel sick, shes out right now buying me shirts for work and no doubt cooking something wonderful for when i get in, but cant she just realise i dont want all that, id just like her to get on with her own life and maybe do somethings she enjoys, and give me 5 minutes peace!!!!

The other night she had the xbox on all day (she does this because there is really no risk of any female coming into my field of vision) she turned it off for football which i watched, then when it had finished she put the xbox back on, so i thought fine, im going to go upstairs and watch a film, took my laptop up with me, within 5 minutes she was up screaming at me that i am watching things behind her back, well when she found out it was James Bond (casino royale) she hit the roof calling me a pervert and such for ogling half naked women.

I just dont have the energy to fight her anymore, and maybe i cannot see the woods for the trees but i really feel like i need out of this!!!

That is completely insane. I know you two have a child and you feel inclined to stay but you shouldn't be torturing yourself over her insecurities. Being young myself, i've had problems with jealousy and insecurities but she is a grown ass woman. She needs to get herself together, no excuses. It's silly. Have you given her an ultimatum? You should tell her if she doesn't stop being so damn controlling you're going to leave her ass high and dry.

[Bo]

And you mentioned you want out of the relationship, does that mean you want out for good or does it mean you want to stay if she changes? That's got a lot to do with what you need to do about this.

[nymphomaniac]

yes she appears normal to other people, maybe a little on the quiet side.

BPDO though? i dont know, when i look through your list i suppose she does exhibit some of them, but then again i think a lot of people do, im not sure???

I'm just some random person on the Internet, you would know her better than anyone. The telling sign of bpd is a very high emotional sensitivity to everything. It is emotional disregulation. Could be why she is quiet all the time.

People only need to exhibit 5 of the 9 traits of bpd to have issues. Mostly the issues will be with no self identity resulting in extremely low self esteem which leads to irratic interpersonal relationships. This causes some to become avoidant of people and socializing. Why wouldn't someone have friends? Maybe they are unable to think clearly before acting when in situations that require an ability to perceive other people's boundaries?

You seem to think she will be helpless if you leave her. Does she exhibit behavior that suggests she is unable to survive on her own 2 feet?

Did you ever meet her ex?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you insist on staying with her, why don't you just grow some balls and do what you want? She wants to come to pool night..too bad, leave without her. You want to go to your brother's house...leave without her. You want to do your job and give IT support to your female coworker...DO IT! What's the problem? She can't stop you, and if she threatens to leave you, tell her, "go ahead". Why do you feel like you have to do what she says?

[SelflessnHumble]

Let me tell you about "really, really, hot/beautiful women..."

"Somewhere, there is some guy sick and tired of her shit." -I think John Steinbeck wrote that.

(1) I don't think this situation is real
(2) I don't think this situation is real
(3) This isn't that good of satirical literary content.

I know you can do better than this.
So what happened to the ATV snow shoveling guys?

[nymphomaniac]

It sounds like she is living her life through you. Bpd's mirror and they isolate their partners so their cover is not blown.

I would have to agree with BOGS, do what you want. You might see a different side to her but it will force her to do her own thing.
If you think she is BPD after some research, I recommend the book
"Stop walking on egg shells". The gist of thebook is, desensitize your partner to rejection by doing what makes you happy.

[Anturo]

If you insist on staying with her, why don't you just grow some balls and do what you want? She wants to come to pool night..too bad, leave without her. You want to go to your brother's house...leave without her. You want to do your job and give IT support to your female coworker...DO IT! What's the problem? She can't stop you, and if she threatens to leave you, tell her, "go ahead". Why do you feel like you have to do what she says?

+1000

Bro why are you letting this chick control you like a puppy? I mean sure she looks good, and I am sure you love your child. But it doesnt matter if you cant stand up for yourself. You until you fix yourself, and can stop being a doormat, will just fall into the next relationship the same way.

Dude stand up and take control of the situation like a MAN.

[rabbit151]

I thought id give a little update to anyone whos interested.

I left 2 weeks ago, she is in therapy (CBT) to be more precise. However i decided that i couldnt spend any more of my life waiting and hoping for the therapy to work. She still thinks we are going to get back together but ive told her its not happening. I keep getting all sorts of texts, i.e i love you, youre a bastard, i cant believe you did this to me. Its generally all about her and she doesnt take any responsibility for her part in the breakdown of our relationship, even though ive been telling her for nearly 2 years that i cant carry on living like this.

For the most part im fine and think that i have made the right decision, and then i get days where i doubt myself and wonder if i should go back. I told her i couldnt go back to her unless she changed completely and she sais she cant, she has a problem which she cant change overnight. I agreed with her, but i cant put up with that any longer, geez i had got to the point i was having really bad head aches, and rage outbursts like you wouldnt believe. I generally am quite a cool headed laid back person but this woman showed me a side to myself i was scared to see again, i have never ever felt so angry in my entire life.

does anybody think she can change or am i flogging a dead horse, and should just get on with my life now?

nympho

Im really not sure, but after reading up on bpd, i think you may have a case, and from what ive been reading it doesnt look like much fun. The only thing is i havent seen the push/pull thing going on, and she hasnt done the devaluation thing either, but thats quite possible i havent let it get to that point. Wow what a rollercoaster.

anyway thanks for listening, would love to hear about anybody else being tin the same situation

[rabbit151]

Well id just like to update my post.

Around 12 months ago, id had enough of the above behaviours, i felt like i was going to have a nervous breakdown, but about a month prior to this i noticed her getting closer and close to a colleague at work (we both work at the same place), i.e. i saw them laughing and joking with each other quite a lot, i did get a little jealous i admit, but i told myself they were my insecurities that i had to deal with, aqnd that if i made her feel awful for talking to him then i would have been as bad as her.

So back to the part where i had had enough, i thought the only way to show her im serious is if i leave, so i walked out the door and left, went to stay with my grandparents, the only message i get from her is that she needs some money she gave me back because she needs to buy a car. I give her the money and she gets a car, the first place she drives to is to meet up with him, they go for a nice drink and then have sex in a car park (shes not drunk by the way, because shes driving) i had no idea of any of this.

Anyway she begs me to come back swears shes changed etc and i think ive made my point so i go back after about a month. I then start to hear rumours at work that somethings gone on between the 2 of them, i have no proof and she denies it, saying people are just causing trouble. It turns out it wasnt just a one off theyve done it a few time, and theyve also been to a staff party and a few of the staff have gone back to his and they have ended up in the bedroom together.

Now shes justified this by saying i left her so she wasnt unfaithful to me, but i cant help the feeling that if they had have had an opportunity even when we were still together i feel they would have done something. It also seems they have been sending naked pictures of each other to each other.

It just seems like double standards, im the one whos not allowed to watch movies with attractive females, im cant see nudity, she even said when i returned if id been watching porn i had better pack my bags and leave. Yet its ok for her to sleep with someone else and send naked pictures of herself etc.

i suppose my question is, do you think its ok to sleep with someone else so soon, and am i wrong to feel hurt. She couldnt have cared less about me right?

Ive left again ive been gone around a month, this is the 3rd time ive left, i decided to put the fact that shes been with him behind me, but the old problems kept rearing there head, starting arguments with me if id seen any nudity on TV etc, so i left again, shes been begging me constantly to come back, that she really has changed etc.

Do you know something after just writing that down, am i the worlds biggest sucker or what?

[toknow]

(Before reading your update)
Frankly, you don't deserve her. You have a gorgeous woman the mother of your child wanting you all to herself and your response is that? You should be happy that she even gives you attention. Her telling you to look away will pass, this is only temporary until she understands action/reaction of the situation. This is caused because she wants every piece of you for herself and her misunderstanding that if you see a woman you will necessarily like her more. You have to understand that some people connect the dots much faster than others and connect more of them - she sees you liking some woman and already sees you with her. If anything she is probably really intelligent and her brain associates at higher levels. You are being completely ridiculous and selfish. The reason for her reactions is she fails to see your love for her. If she truly felt your love for her she would not react that way or feel so insecure. Help her understand how much you love her and this will disappear.

(After update)
I'm reading your update, but did you get what you wanted...her not smothering you with attention? I'm not trying to rub it in as I know this must be devastating for you, but to make you understand that some of this might have been your fault - be careful what you ask for, they say, and rightly so.

Yes you have the right to feel hurt. And there should be no double standard, if you can't watch women,then she can't watch men. Are you sure she cheated on you? If this really happened which is hard to believe as she is so possessive of you, it would seem she should not be able to want someone else as she is preoccupied with you. If she got mad at you for not wanting her attention, it's possible she did this out of spite or even desperation. It is also very possible that she is lying to you to get your attention and nothing ever happened between them. I have to say your reaction to her possessiveness was the worst thing you could have done. That however does not excuse her actions, but perhaps explains them. Shame this could have been avoided, if you loved her enough to stick through the tough times and not be so selfish.

[Kat27]

I think you need to be completely honest with her and tell exactly how you feel, say everything you have put in this feed or if she won't listen write her a letter, she will have to take it in then.

I agree with the other posters though, she does need help.

[toknow]

She does not need help, she needs love

[UdoKier]

You're the one with BPD, you finally get someone to draw all the unwanted(according to you) attention off of you and instead of being happy, you're acting like a spiteful, nosy, jealous ex-bf.

[rabbit151]

Thanks for both of your replies. She definitely slept with him, ive got hard evidence, in fact its quite humiliating to be at work because we work together and the guy she slept with works here and everyone knows about it.

As for leaving being the worst thing to do, i had no choice, it had got to the point where i was going to crack up. Remember this is happening all day and night constantly, when somebody is trying to control your every move, your every thought, and when you confront them they deny it and put a spin on it, believe me you slowly start to lose a grip on reality. When i say i was going to crack up im not playing it down i was sat on the kitchen floor gibbering and crying and just banging my head against the cupboard, i was a mess. She just sniggered and told me to stop being a drama queen.

What gets to me the most, is that i said previously that i had noticed these to getting close before we had split up (which she denies) so you tell me how she could have slept with him so quickly if there hadnt been some kind of relationship going on, even an early emotional one. Two days after i left, it wasnt just a one off, i asked to look at her phone records there where hundreds of text messages to him including naked pictures of herself. So if someone loves you like they say they do, and they know if they sleep with someone else it would jeopardise the relationship then why do it. In my eyes she did because she wanted to, he had given her some attention and she loved it, she obviously thought that she could do what she wants and i would have her back. When i walked out she didnt try to get me back immediately, instead she saw that as a green light to go and sleep with him have her fun so to speak then get me back.