Not sure if it truly is over yet? Need help!

[Bewsh]

Oh, so there was another guy in the beginning. Hmn...It's very possible they might have gotten back together and she probably didn't tell you that she's talking to him. If you haven't, ask your friends if they've seen her talking to him recently, or while you were sick. Something looks fishy to me. And another important factor, did that guy dump here or did she dump him?

Nope she's defo not with him haha. It was more of a spur of the moment thing, they spent no time together, if I remember rightly she said she saw him about 3 - 4 times in the month and a bit they were together, plus she didn't really like him. She's always told me she regrets going out with him because she doesn't even find him attractive either, plus she admits she was ridiculous for taking him over me (Her words, not mine) he's in a different country now anyways

Not sure if she has another boy. But from all I know from the past month is that she goes out every friday night to a club with a big group of her close friends, has a few drinks, and dances all night lol

She just took the partying over me I assume!

[toknow]

Not sure if she has another boy. But from all I know from the past month is that she goes out every friday night to a club with a big group of her close friends, has a few drinks, and dances all night lol

She just took the partying over me I assume!

Aha! You are once again on the right track, Watson!
She might be liking the single life, but she must be getting attention or knows she can "score". She isn't there just to dance, I can assure you.

[Bewsh]

Aha! You are once again on the right track, Watson!
She might be liking the single life, but she must be getting attention or knows she can "score". She isn't there just to dance, I can assure you.

Yeah I'd be surprised if she wasn't. Right from the start if we were ever out in public she'd be getting attention, if we ever went to parties together she'd get attention. The only problem is though, she's SO insecure that she's totally oblivious to it most time, and the times she does notice she doesn't like it. If someone ever said she looked nice she'd freak out and be like "They just think i'm fat and are lying". I'm not going into detail of how bad she was, but it was the worse i've EVER seen.

Plus, I don't know why I feel bad but I slightly do, though it isn't my fault that she's this bad. But basically, she's SO insecure that she finds it really hard to like emotionally open up to people sort of thing. (Physical is out of the picture). I spent our first year together working and working so hard on our emotional connection until she was comfortable enough around me to even have her upper arms out (She hates her arms, always covers them up when she's out. She isn't even overweight but she see's herself COMPLETELY different) But yeah anyway, as I worked on this emotional connection, as she got comfortable with me, she completely lowered around everyone else, even her best friends and family.

In a way I feel bad for her and hope she gets better with it soon. But now I think back at all of this I do feel lucky that I got out whilst I did. I mean, we was together for 1year, 5months. And there was still just so many things that in a way, I had to put up with and constantly try help her through it etc.

Spoke to my friend about everything in detail here the other day, and he basically just said she was so lucky to have me. And that any boy he knows wouldn't have put up with, and gone through the stuff I went through for even 3 weeks.

Just hope she can eventually get over her problems

[toknow]

So, you haven't heard from her since your last meeting (the one with the kiss?)

Your friend is probably right. What was a red flag to me, was when you were sick. That's when you get to know who is your friend/girlfriend and who isn't. You were vulnerable and she just left you there. A while back, I was really sick one time and the girl I was with, was there for me the whole time, for a whole month! I was highly contagious and she knew it, yet she wanted to be there with me. She never got sick, thank God!

While you were sick your ex was having the time of her life.
That clearly shows you, if someone cares and wants to be with you or not. So, it was a great little test for your relationship and she failed miserably.

[Bewsh]

So, you haven't heard from her since your last meeting (the one with the kiss?)

Your friend is probably right. What was a red flag to me, was when you were sick. That's when you get to know who is your friend/girlfriend and who isn't. You were vulnerable and she just left you there. A while back, I was really sick one time and the girl I was with, was there for me the whole time, for a whole month! I was highly contagious and she knew it, yet she wanted to be there with me. She never got sick, thank God!

While you were sick your ex was having the time of her life.
That clearly shows you, if someone cares and wants to be with you or not. So, it was a great little test for your relationship and she failed miserably.

Nope haven't heard from her since then

And yep I agree entirely, I always said that if it was her who got ill, even if I had a family holiday booked like she did I still would have gone to care for her a bit. I did tell her that too and she said "Well I guess this is where we're different because I really don't want to risk getting ill before my holiday" But yeah, she still failed haha.

To be honest, it's actually becoming more and more clear of why she is like this now. I don't know about you, but in a relationship I feel that there needs to obviously be a strong emotional bond, but I also feel that the physical side definitely needs to be there too. This is where we were both like two completely different people. Right from the start she always always said she isn't that type of girl who does those things. At first it kind of confused me but then I respected it, this is where I then chose to work on the emotional bond, and got that pretty solid over the next year. After this year, I was 18 and she was still saying "I just feel so bad because obviously you want things that I don't want to do because you're an 18 year old boy" And to be fair it did frustrate me at times, which she knew and she would cry after that conversation and say "I just don't want you to leave me because of it but it just isn't me to do those things" And I remember my response would basically respect how she was but at the same time also show that I could just leave at whatever point. Which she knew, and after that, the physical side started a bit.

But when I look back on it, she would NEVER initiate the physical things, she would ONLY ever do it if I started to initiate first. So now looking back, I think she only did it to try and make me stay and not get bored and leave etc. She always said that she'd rather wait until the big thing (meaning sex) when she knew we were both ready. But now I think back on it, maybe that just really freaked her out I dont know. (All these thoughts on it were provoked by her insecurities btw, she is very emotionally down so to speak)

Kind of makes me feel bad because she never told me she didn't want to do it, I just thought she was getting better. If she'd said she doesn't want to I'd respect it

[toknow]

Yeah, it's tough and still seems to me she wasn't quite herself even with you.

[Bewsh]

Yeah, it's tough and still seems to me she wasn't quite herself even with you.

I think that her perfect relationship is like one of the ones in old movies. Go watch a film, dance, be walked home then have a kiss on the cheek sort of thing. Which actually to be fair is how ours was for a whole year and 2 months, she absolutely loved it. Then things got more heated, and maybe it just took her until now to realise that she didn't like the emotional side not being as high and solid as it used to be, and didn't want the physical side involved in it at all. I have plenty of things to back up what i'm saying, but I won't go into detail now

[toknow]

How are you holding up? Are you feeling alright about this breakup right now?

[Bewsh]

How are you holding up? Are you feeling alright about this breakup right now?

Tbh i'm doing far better than I thought I would be. Last week was extremely hard. But after the conversation I had with her on Monday I really saw that as closure and since then i've been doing a whole lot better. Obviously I still sometimes wake up and feel low, but during the day it goes. I've really started to train my emotions quite nicely, as in, I'm starting to control my OWN emotions, rather than let them control me.

Also it's still on my mind everyday, but last week when it first happened I thought of EVERY great thing we ever did/had. But that phase has sort of passed now and i'm starting to realise all the bad things, the things that made me unhappy, things I had to always put up with. And truthfully when I think about all of that, I do realise that she actually wasn't as compatible with me as I originally thought. We shared the same interests, could always make each other smile and laugh and what we had WAS great, but in terms of relationships she's a very quiet girl who likes quiet evenings in cuddling watching a movie, or a day out shopping, coming home and putting a film on after that. Whereas with me I guess i'm more of the passionate type. The emotional side is obviously very import but I need that balance, a movie can be great, a meal can be great, but I need passion and affection too. She didn't need that, she could happily just watch films then go to sleep.

Now I've proper zoned in on the above and thought hard about it, I guess that is why things didn't quite work out

[searock]

Basically you need sex as well as emotional connection, which is a perfectly normal thing. :-)

[Bewsh]

Basically you need sex as well as emotional connection, which is a perfectly normal thing. :-)

Yeah I mean to be honest, the way I see it is that if we're just going out to places together and we have a kiss every now and again, it's basically just two friends that are slightly closer. The more passionate physical side of things, E.G foreplay, sex etc for me, just make it that proper relationship.

[searock]

You are right, that is what adult relationships are like. Emotional and sexual connection. I'm pretty sure she'll realize it as well soon enough, with someone else though... with you, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. High school relationships almost never last, two of my best friends (a guy and a girl) did the same thing: they got together when they were 16, he wanted to "take it to the next level" but she didn't, in the end they had sex when they were 18 but she wouldn't want to do it often, and it wasn't much fun even when they did (no foreplay, no experimenting) and in the end they broke up. In fact, she broke up with him, and soon started experimenting more in her sex life, with people who didn't know her so well. I understand her actually. LOL thinking about it, it was actually the same thing for my boyfriend and his ex, too.

[Bewsh]

You are right, that is what adult relationships are like. Emotional and sexual connection. I'm pretty sure she'll realize it as well soon enough, with someone else though... with you, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. High school relationships almost never last, two of my best friends (a guy and a girl) did the same thing: they got together when they were 16, he wanted to "take it to the next level" but she didn't, in the end they had sex when they were 18 but she wouldn't want to do it often, and it wasn't much fun even when they did (no foreplay, no experimenting) and in the end they broke up. In fact, she broke up with him, and soon started experimenting more in her sex life, with people who didn't know her so well. I understand her actually. LOL thinking about it, it was actually the same thing for my boyfriend and his ex, too.

Haha, yeah I hope she can overcome her insecurities. In a way I feel sorry for her, but then again it's all her that's making her like it, no ones forcing her to be as bad as she is, just something she needs to overcome.

It's quite funny since being single, i'm so used to going out and just knowing that i'm with my girlfriend, nothing will happen etc. But recently when i've been out single, just being able to acknowledge that fact that i'm single and having nothing holding me back now, it's quite strange at the moment but it's cool. Just seeing girls look at me and being able to actually act on it, rather than just ignore it like I used to have to do. I know it's a very normal thing, but obviously it's a bit weird haha. I'm an 18 year old boy though, I shouldn't waste these years. Need my fun.