ok.. i need advice/help to clear/sort my thoughts*

[superwoman28]

ill try to sum up myself first n then my situation. im 28 n fall in love easily, but am super picky/careful who i love. i see men/people for who they are n accept them. love gets me every time. i believe we can love many people in our lifetime & in many different ways. but for me love always happens when im not looking for it. i try to fight it every time. but who can fight a thing called love?

so my situation: i moved to a new place 3months ago. finally starting a new life n being focused on my goals. content and happy being solo. then the classic story happens.. man at my work captures my attention. we start talking every day. we enjoy eachother. but even more than that there is a deep spiritual/physical/emotional connection & chemistry. i believe our feelings r equally strong for eachother. we've been dating for a lil over a month now. at first i wanted to jump into a relationship w/ him b/c that's all ive ever done w/ the men ive loved in the past (note: that it is the exact reason why im single time and again lol) he however wants to take things slowly. at first i was bothered and confused b/c ive never been "challenged" this way by a man. but now i am thankful that i had the time to realize that it's more special to take things slow. however it leaves me slightly unsure and insecure. for example, how slow does he want to take things (esp after we've already slept together -HA!) and also what are his reasons for taking it slow? -ive tried to talk to him about this but my head gets flooded w/ emotions and somehow it turns to anger and me getting mad at him and wanting to end it out of frustration and not understanding him. i know he is protecting himself. and i know he is capable of commitment (more so than i am that's for sure) he was married for 10years but has been divorced now for 12. he took 5yrs after his divorce to heal and be completely alone. and he slowly started dating again. i know his last g/f was with him for 2yrs and that was 2yrs ago!!!!(i didnt ask exactly why it didnt work out, but from what i got is that she wanted to move in with him & he wasnt ready for that)? i also asked him if he still loved his ex wife. and he said yes. which i figured. i know i still love my last ex in some weird way. but to sum up this man that i find myself falling in love with is that he challenges me in every way. but it's such a good thing! yet it leaves me so confused about when or where or if this is even going to be what i think it is. he says he's lonely in life and i know he would want to be married again (which is what i want b/c i have never been) and yet he has such a guard up. he told me im everything he's looking for yet he feels like i can do better? we've had our little fights but that's only b/c i think we're still getting to know eachother and sort out our feelings. i know how much he cares about me & i dare say he loves me. im no fool. i know that a month and a week is such a short time to be in love. but also i know how love works. basically my problem is that we both push eachother away b/c maybe our feelings are too strong & we dont know how to handle them. but also we both really enjoy eachothers company at the same time. he says we should let things happen naturally. but ive never taken a relationshiop slow b4 either. it's hard b/c i think we're both so sensitive right now that it's doing more harm than good.

last night i got upset w/ him and frustrated and my anger got the best of me and i sent him some mean texts telling him how rude he is b/c i was offended by something little that he did. and then i took it to the next fighting level and told him "you wont ever have to talk to me again!" and that was it. we've fought like this b4. a couple times but it's always me starting the fight and mending the fight. this time i just want to see how much he likes me. if he will text me and how long he will go w/out talking to me. or if he will completely let his pride take over and forget about me all together. in a way i shouldnt test a man like this. but in a way it will bring me comfort to know how much he really cares.... so what do u all think about this??????

[smackie9]

You are 28 going on 12. Dear stop playing games with this poor man. You have OCD or something? Because you just don't know when to stop. It's real bad behavior you got going on there. It's not love, you are infatuated with being in love, you love the idea of being in love so much so you "fall quickly" just to have it. Sorry to say this but this is a real problem you have....it's unhealthy. It's no wonder you have been in and out of relationships, and still not married. Just take a good look at what you are doing. You manipulate the guy in order to bring comfort to yourself on how much he cares. That is down right disrespectful. To add you are selfish for doing such a thing. One poster said you were crazy.....I have to agree. If you don't cut out this behavior right now, he is gonna dump you ass like a hot potato.

[Wakeup]

ill try to sum up myself first n then my situation. im 28 n fall in love easily, but am super picky/careful who i love. i see men/people for who they are n accept them. love gets me every time. i believe we can love many people in our lifetime & in many different ways. but for me love always happens when im not looking for it. i try to fight it every time. but who can fight a thing called love?

so my situation: i moved to a new place 3months ago. finally starting a new life n being focused on my goals. content and happy being solo. then the classic story happens.. man at my work captures my attention. we start talking every day. we enjoy eachother. but even more than that there is a deep spiritual/physical/emotional connection & chemistry. i believe our feelings r equally strong for eachother. we've been dating for a lil over a month now. at first i wanted to jump into a relationship w/ him b/c that's all ive ever done w/ the men ive loved in the past (note: that it is the exact reason why im single time and again lol) he however wants to take things slowly. at first i was bothered and confused b/c ive never been "challenged" this way by a man. but now i am thankful that i had the time to realize that it's more special to take things slow. however it leaves me slightly unsure and insecure. for example, how slow does he want to take things (esp after we've already slept together -HA!) and also what are his reasons for taking it slow? -ive tried to talk to him about this but my head gets flooded w/ emotions and somehow it turns to anger and me getting mad at him and wanting to end it out of frustration and not understanding him. i know he is protecting himself. and i know he is capable of commitment (more so than i am that's for sure) he was married for 10years but has been divorced now for 12. he took 5yrs after his divorce to heal and be completely alone. and he slowly started dating again. i know his last g/f was with him for 2yrs and that was 2yrs ago!!!!(i didnt ask exactly why it didnt work out, but from what i got is that she wanted to move in with him & he wasnt ready for that)? i also asked him if he still loved his ex wife. and he said yes. which i figured. i know i still love my last ex in some weird way. but to sum up this man that i find myself falling in love with is that he challenges me in every way. but it's such a good thing! yet it leaves me so confused about when or where or if this is even going to be what i think it is. he says he's lonely in life and i know he would want to be married again (which is what i want b/c i have never been) and yet he has such a guard up. he told me im everything he's looking for yet he feels like i can do better? we've had our little fights but that's only b/c i think we're still getting to know eachother and sort out our feelings. i know how much he cares about me & i dare say he loves me. im no fool. i know that a month and a week is such a short time to be in love. but also i know how love works. basically my problem is that we both push eachother away b/c maybe our feelings are too strong & we dont know how to handle them. but also we both really enjoy eachothers company at the same time. he says we should let things happen naturally. but ive never taken a relationshiop slow b4 either. it's hard b/c i think we're both so sensitive right now that it's doing more harm than good.

last night i got upset w/ him and frustrated and my anger got the best of me and i sent him some mean texts telling him how rude he is b/c i was offended by something little that he did. and then i took it to the next fighting level and told him "you wont ever have to talk to me again!" and that was it. we've fought like this b4. a couple times but it's always me starting the fight and mending the fight. this time i just want to see how much he likes me. if he will text me and how long he will go w/out talking to me. or if he will completely let his pride take over and forget about me all together. in a way i shouldnt test a man like this. but in a way it will bring me comfort to know how much he really cares.... so what do u all think about this??????

Three months of knowing him and he says he wants to take it slow but you've already had sex. Heres a newsflash for you: If you don't want this very thing to keep happening to you then I suggest while you're taking it slow that you don't bed them. You allow sex to cloud your judgement and you mistake sexual emotion for love when all it is is the chemical release of many hormones that you become addicted to.

To top it all off, you play stupid boardline personality disordered type games to test him to see how much he'll long for you like you long for him and then you're confused when it back fires on you. Gah! Surely you aren't that lost when it comes to human nature and how your actions put you in a negative light with members of the opposite sex or, the same sex for that matter if you're that manipulative as a rule.

You are indeed going on 12 emotionally.

Stop doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I'd hate to see you on a public forum when you are my age and wondering why your latest sex partner wants to 'take it slow' as an excuse to keep having sex without commitment with you.

he was married for 10years but has been divorced now for 12. he took 5yrs after his divorce to heal and be completely alone. and he slowly started dating again. i know his last g/f was with him for 2yrs and that was 2yrs ago!!!!(i didnt ask exactly why it didnt work out, but from what i got is that she wanted to move in with him & he wasnt ready for that)?

My guess is that he's been bedding women like yourself and "taking it slow" with them until they do the breakup thing and then it's on to the next low self-esteemed chica who jumps into bed with him without committment. Dude knows there is always one out there who'll do him until she demands and then it's off to the next.

[cheekxs]

i did not read your whole post, but all i see is you searching for a excuses for every thing he say to you.
( "he said something little and i was up sad,he is in love with his ex, but so am i,"

you are making yourself blind for whatever problem their is.

Maybe you both are no match for each other. cause if both have the same problem who will help who?

Stop making excuses for his behavior and choices and start using your head.
you want to be with some one and get married to soon that you are not using your head and see the warning sign or things
that may be a big issue!

And not to blow you away from your dreamworld, but i dont think he loves you and he loves you. You guys mayb be or felt IN LOVE first day or in that short period.
But love is something that can grow with time (years ) also true experiences, up and downs.
days, months , 1,2,3, years are often a period when people are IN LOVE. But when that feeling stop it can change into love or noting.
and when it turns into noting its time to breakup and move on.

But many people thinks that people have to stay IN LOVE their whole dam life!

Thats not true! Its a feeling that can stay for months, weeks, couple of years etc.
But love is not a feeling! Feeling is something that change with times and situations!


So i think you can better keep getting to know him and dont let sex be part of it. cause that will make it more
difficult for you to make right decisions after. And much harder to leave him if he is not the one.

[smackie9]

He wants to get married alright....to someone that is exactly like his ex wife, but he hasn't had any success. Just my perspective but I think he hasn't gotten over her....come on 5 years to heal? there's something not right there. What I see with him is a lack to communicate, most likely one of the reasons his marriage ended. That 2 year relationship that ended because of commitment issues is a sure sign he doesn't want marriage or he is afraid to and end up devastated like last time. So the red flags are up.

Him wanting to take things slow could be one of two things......one, he likes you, but you are pushing too hard for things to happen and are too way advanced with your feelings for him, so you are making him push you away. OR he is too much of a wuss (lack of communication) to tell you he isn't feeling it but it's great to have sex and not be lonely.....enjoys the companionship but isn't seeing it as anything else.

[IndiReloaded]

Isn't this a repeat of another thread that Cerb & I responded to? Deja vu.

Note to OP - reposting your question makes you seem nuts. If you are looking for more responses, just bump your thread asking for some other opinions.

LOL on the SN, btw. 'Superwoman'. I'm all for a healthy sense of self-esteem, but you need to come back from planet Krypton to get it.