A little too late...

[caroro]

Hi everyone,

I need someone to talk to cause i have nobody around me that can understand how i feel right now.

I've been with this girl for 7 months, she was a classmate at college.
Due to my lack of attention and the fact that i was being distant, she broke up with me at the beginning of June.To be true, she has always fought for our relationship, making project, saying that she was falling in love with me. I've always been the one taking it slow, i've never shown her my true feelings for her. The breakup is my fault only, she said to me one day "you treat me more like a buddy than your girlfriend". I told her that i didnt know if i could change (i've always been quite cold with people, i'm trying to change cause it gave me many pains and disappointments). I agreed with the break up, told her that it was the best solution, and we wanted to remain friend. She ended it after my exams (i have not been able to see her during 2 weeks before the breakup due tu my exams. The last time i saw her, end of may, she told me she was falling for me.).
I understood that i made a huge mistake when i didnt fight for the one that i loved and that i love, she made this big void in my life.
Unfortunately, 4 days after the breakup she was back with someone else, i think he was turning around her for a month. He posted little hearts on her facebook wall the very same week.
The week after, i wrote her a letter where i poured my heart out, admitting my wrongs and the way she made me feel. She texted me after reading this letter and said that she was confused, that it's all that she wanted to hear when we were together, that i could have kept her and that it hurts cause she discovered the real me too late... she also apolagized because she said she was moved when she saw the tears in my eyes. After this letter, i received a fb message "why??", i called her and i saw her the next day at her house. We both cried, but she said she made a decision and that the new guy was fullfilling the needs i didn't fullfill. I accepted, gave her a flower and left.

I went no contact for 2 week and a half, and last week she texted me "Hey, it's Caroline, how are you ? Congratulations for your graduation. When are you going on vacation? xoxo"
I answered her on monday.
I called her on Wednesday, that was a positive talk about our projects, how we were doing, i asked her if she wanted to take a cup of coffee, she hesitated but finally said she were free. I received a text 20 min later saying "won't it be awkward to see each other ?", i answered "it's only coffee "
On thursday, she texted me about her new job, i answered her 2 hours after then she texted me the same min back. I said that i was busy, she texted me the same min asking me what i was doing. I didn't answered.
2 hours after she texted me "we could have seen each other today, i wasn't doing anything". Then little chat by text, where she says that i seem very busy duyring those vacation and that she's happy cause she knows we'll have some time to see each other, she asked me if i could show her my puppy that she saw on my fb page (i'm not friend with her anymore). I said sure.
On friday, i sent her "wooo (ghost voice) ", she answered me back "". Then i asked her if monday was good for the coffee, she didnt answer me.
I waited until Sunday (yesterday) evening to call her to see when we'll catch up, she let the phone ring and didnt answered... i didn't leave a message. 2 min after i received a text "i'm at my boyfriend house, what do you wanna tell me ?", i answered "Oops sorry ! I'll call you back tomorrow "

I'm pretty confused, i love her from the bottom of my heart. I'd love to get back with her, but if i can't i wanna have her in my life. If she's happy with the new man, i won't be a pain in the ass, i just want her to be happy but i want to share and enjoy good times with her, i like being around her !

Any help on what to do ? Why does her reaction changed so fast ? Being hot and cold with me, it hurts... her text from last night sounded like "you annoy me, leave me alone", i didnt wanna pressure her at all, i thought she understood that..

Thanks ! Take care everyone !!

[smackie9]

She just wanted that romantic attention she so craves, so she went out and found it with another guy. Like you could ever be that for her over night. You are too late, she has found what she has always wanted and she is very happy. Dude she waited 7 months! There is no way she could ever have trusted you to change.....you didn't all that time so why now? Let this be a lesson to you. If you don't fulfill a GF's needs they will dump you.....a relationship is a two way street. Both have to put in effort to fulfill the needs of the other, that's how relationships work.

[caroro]

No need to be that agressive
I've made my path and believe me, i wasnt like that just with her. That's a protection i've made for years because of all the problems i had in my family. I needed to be distant with all the mess.
I admitted my wrongs, i'm also trying to change, not for her, but for me cause being like i am today does not make me happy at all.
But to be clear, i didnt treated her like shit at all, i was here when she needed me, i took her to out to have great meals.. i was just living the moment and never making any projects. I know i should have opened up my heart more and giving her more attention. It's just that we didnt see each other much, because of me focusing on my school.. and not knowing if i could be the one that she was looking for.
During my relation, i saw an evolution with my behaviour, i made some efforts but it wasnt enough for her, i understand it completely ! I have no grudges ! I can see clearly now what she wanted, it's easier to see when you take time to create some distance. If i could turn back the end of times, i'd do it completely different.

Like i said, i'm not mad at all, she has the right to move on and she deserves to be happy even if it's not with me. Here is not what i was looking for. I'm not trying to destroy her relation with her boyfriend, why would I bad things for her ? I just want to catch up with her and to share some enjoyable moments.

I know the breakup has been a good thing, cause i wouldn't have change if she didnt put me in front of the reality of my personnality and the fact that i was cold. I've never wanted to hurt anybody.

I wanted some help to understand her behaviour of last week, what does it mean and how to handle it smoothly, not to show me my wrongs cause i know them. Believe me.

Well, besides that, thank you for your opinion

PS : from the beginning of our relationship, i have been completely honest with her. When i realised what i felt really in my gut, it was too late. I understand that she might feel betrayed, but telling her how i feel didn't seem like a treason to me. She the last person on earth i wanna hurt !

[smackie9]

I never insinuated that you were mean and hurtful to her, but more neglectful emotionally. Nor did I make any suggestion that you were mad and trying to destroy their relationship. I'm not being aggresive either...I was just giving you a breakdown of what happened and why she has quickly moved on despite her warm responses. I'm guessing you thought you had another chance with her, only to find out she met someone else.

IMO you have trouble with preception....you have trouble reading signals from people, like facial expression and body language. Are you an Apsie by any chance?

[caroro]

An Apsie ?

[smackie9]

aspergers syndrome. It's a type of autism where you have trouble picking up on social clues. There are a lot of brilliant and talented people have this disorder, believe it or not.

[caroro]

Not at all, why are you saying that ?

[steviej]

Because you seem to have trouble picking up on social clues...

Geddit?!

You just did it there!

[caroro]

I understood that in the first place, but if you don't explain what social clues you are talking about..