I don't find my husband interesting

[confusedgirly]

I got married last year. It was an arranged marriage and I was under a lot of pressure to get married.

After marriage we came to the states and that's where the problem started. When I first got introduced to my husband through my parents, sparks did not fly, but I found him charming for some reason. When I told my parents that, they instantly arranged for me to get engaged and I got married in less than 3 months. I am usually a rebel when it comes to stuff like this, but my friends and family were able to convince me and finally I caved. I hardly spent time with him post-engagement, as he had to leave for the states as soon as the engagement was done.

He flew down to get married, after which I packed to start a new life with him. Everyone who knows me tells me that I am so much fun to hang out with. I've always been a very happy girl and I can joke around in all situations. I always thought that the guy I would end up with would be someone who is the life of the party. I wanted a guy with a great sense of humor. But my husband turned out to be the polar opposite of that. Whenever I try to say something wacky to him, he just shrugs it off. He doesn't have a social group and his routine involves getting back from work and then watching tv . On weekends we go to a mall and then have dinner outside. Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy. He is very attentive and loving. It's so obvious that he loves me to death. My parents always keep calling me lucky to have someone like him. He is very patient and he is very mature (way more mature than me, I still behave like a teenager). As an example, I didn't know how to cook before and he would cook for me everyday until I learned how to! He also surprises me with gifts and calls me his 'little princess'.

The only problem is that I don't find him interesting. I get really frustrated when I talk to him. Our conversations are always one-sided with me talking about everything under the sun and him just nodding or agreeing with me. There is no back and forth banter and I find him very boring.

I've started working now and I have a group of friends at work. In particular, there is this guy to whom I can really talk to. He is very funny and both of us are always giggling or acting silly. The other people at work are always talking about what a great team we make. Today, both of us didn't have much to do at work, so we went to the cafeteria and ended up talking for 2 hours. And all the time I was with him, I kept thinking "This is how it should be with my husband. Why don't we have anything to talk about?" Then I felt really guilty for spending so much time talking to the guy at work.

All my friends back home are still stunned about my marriage. They keep telling me that I am still a kid.

So now what do I do? I know some girls would kill to have a husband like mine. He completely loves me for who I am and he finds everything about me adorable. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

[HARVEY23]

People sometimes don't realize and appreciate a something when it is still in their life.
But when it was gone or taken away, they do realize what is the value of it and wishing that it will return somehow still.
So I will say don't let that happen to you, your so lucky enough to have a husband like that and be contended to him because If I am you, I could not find
any reason not to love that kind of person.

[66mustanggt]

you have needs....and your husband needs to understand that....if he doesn,t take care of you someone else will...i had an affair with this woman who was married..and she loved her husband...but he was not taking care of her needs..be careful with this guy at work...sometimes thing just happen... and we reason them out

[confusedgirly]

Wanted to add something else. I know this sounds strange, but I don't get jealous with him at all! Like last week he told me that his ex called him. Apparently, she is planning to get hitched to someone and wanted to see him in person to talk more about the hitching. I was strangely unaffected when he told me this. Maybe it's because I know that he would never cheat on me...or I dunno why. But I felt super weird when I realized I was completely not jealous or angry cos I usually get super jealous over nothing. Like when my best friend shopped with this girl I hated, I got so mad and started acting super girly...had a fight and so much drama...

Again...very strange.....

Oh and finally he decided not to meet her. Not that it matters, but still.....

[searock]

OP, you are clearly not in love with your husband. How old are you and how old is he? Do you have kids with him?

[haxan]

You wouldn't be the first person who doesn't have that much personal interest in their spouse. Great, you've diagnosed the problem, now what are you going to do to remedy it?

[HeartIsAching]

Obvious troll.

[confusedgirly]

I am 25 and he is 29. No, I don't have kids

[oldskool83]

get divorced, go thru a a year of hell and start over again. end of story.

[Boisdevie]

Arranged marriage = disaster area. You marry a man you barely know and then wonder why it's not working. Seriously? Are you really that stupid?

[IndiReloaded]

You wouldn't be the first person who doesn't have that much personal interest in their spouse.

But he sounds hard working, decent and loving. So 'boring' shouldn't be a dealbreaker. Try to find a common interest and keep busy with your own activities as well, I say.

Sure, also tell him your needs, but don't ever expect someone to change their personality. You are very lucky your husband sounds like a kind, loving man.

[searock]

I think you're too young to settle for what you aren't satisfied with. After all, it wasn't even your choice, to marry him. I think you should get a divorce and find someone you actually love and enjoy spending time with.

[haxan]

But he sounds hard working, decent and loving. So 'boring' shouldn't be a dealbreaker. Try to find a common interest and keep busy with your own activities as well, I say.

Ya, the OP doesn't have much else to say about it. If it went down the way she stated; introduced to someone and elbowed into marrying him 3 months later, I'd say she just wasn't at the point in her life where she needed to get married. Sounds like some independence from her parents and living life on her own, making her own decisions, would've been a better option.

I don't really put to much focus on having things in common (different interests are ok), but I think you do have to enjoy each other's company in general. Even if it's just doing mundane things like running errands, shopping, hanging out and relaxing, making dinner etc., it's good to have some playful fun together doing those things.

[IndiReloaded]

I think you do have to enjoy each other's company in general. Even if it's just doing mundane things like running errands, shopping, hanging out and relaxing, making dinner etc., it's good to have some playful fun together doing those things.

I completely agree. I also think companionship is one of the most important parts of a good relationship. Its the the small, day-to-day pleasures that buffer ones relationship when there are real problems. I'd have a different response to the OP if she posted her husband was indifferent or cranky to her, in addition to not having any fun or common interests.

[confusedgirly]

Hi all,
Thank you for the replies. Yes, getting married now was not my idea and I would have liked some more time being independent and figuring things out. But now I am married and my husband is a good guy. Getting divorced is not an option. Not now atleast. He would be crushed if I did something like that and I don't have the heart to immediately cut the chords just cos I don't find him that interesting.

I am so confused though. I know I cannot change my husband's personality, but what do I do to make the marriage more fun? Maybe things would be better if we had a social circle? Or should we try finding a hobby together? I don't know...very frustrating