My story, need advice

[rj6602]

My girlfriend and I met last September. We clicked right away, and started dating. We have fun together, we make each other laugh, and we were very very in love.

The only thing we would ever fight about is my girlfriend changing or cancelling plans. Most of the time, the majority of the time, its due to her family needing her to look after her younger siblings. I would get mad at her about this, and admittedly was often too harsh. But the last few weeks, shes been busier than normal and we haven`t been able to spend much time together. It made me increasingly frustrated, and I would get mad. I admit to saying some things I regret. She would tell me it`s not her fault, her not being able to spend time with me doesn`t mean she cares less. I would calm down apologize, and say I wouldn`t get upset about it again. I`m ashamed to say I kept letting it get to me, kept losing my temper, because each time we would just make up, I would apologize and think everything was fine.

Wednesday night we had a fight and I went too far. She left and said she needed a few days to think things over, and that we were over, needed some time apart. Thursday morning, we talked, she said she wasn`t sure if she was doing the right thing, and would let me know within a week if we could work this out. I did a lot of thinking, and wrote her a long, very truthful email explaining what caused me to act like that, that it was my own insecurities, and that I never meant to hurt her, never meant to make her feel guilty.

She called me Thursday afternoon, and said we can`t do this anymore, theres no way we can be together. Every time we fought, every time I yelled, she lost a little bit of feelings for me. And the fight Wednesday crossed the line and broke her trust. She loves me but doesn`t know if she is in love with me. I tried to argue at first, swearing I meant it that I would change and stop acting like this, that I`m ready to work out my issues and see things way more clearly now, and only need another chance. She said she`s given me 5 chances, 10 chances and can`t do this anymore. But she still wants to be friends. I suggested we start spending time together as friends, so I can prove to her that it wasn`t the real me acting like that, and that I am the guy she fell in love with. I suggested we only get back together when she sees I mean it. She agreed we can spend time together as friends, and see what happens, but right now she needs to focus on herself. I said I`m willing to take it as slow as necessary, and am willing to wait as long as it takes.

I went to the bar with a friend last night, and poured out everything, needing advice. My friend gave me some great advice, and a bit of a verbal bashing for how I had been acting. For getting upset over what was basically her being there for her family. Hearing it from someone else was the splash in the face I needed, and now I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I will never be that insecure idiot again. Around midnight, my girlfriend texted me, and we started talking. With a bit of a buzz on, I started pouring out everything I was feeling. Told her everything from my conversation with my friend, how sorry I am and how ready I am to change. Told her about how hearing how wrong I acted from someone else. I asked if she thought we can work this out. She said maybe, but not right now. I promised to give her space, give her as long as she needs, and prove to her as friends, that I will never be like that again. She said I will need to prove it for anything to happen, but that for now we can only be friends. She thanked me for finally properly understanding her side.

I asked her when she started losing feelings. It only started a few weeks ago, the worst being the past week. I feel terrible that I was able to screw up the most amazing 10 months of my life in a few weeks. We were so happy. I mean it when I say I can work through my issues and be the guy she fell in love with.

We`re planning to see a movie in a few days, which will be my first time seeing her since Wednesday.

How can I make this right, what can I do to show her I`m serious about this. I wish I had figured all this out much sooner. Sorry for the jumbled post, I tried to get it all out as coherently as possible. Any and all advice or thoughts will be greatly appreciated.

[smackie9]

How can I make this right, what can I do to show her I`m serious about this. I wish I had figured all this out much sooner. Sorry for the jumbled post, I tried to get it all out as coherently as possible. Any and all advice or thoughts will be greatly appreciated.

Obviously stop being a jealous and selfish asshole. You already know you have to change your attitude drastically. So like the other poster said be supportive and learn to put her needs before yours.....also keep your mouth shut and listen to her.....like really listen.

[rj6602]

We`re going to see a movie Thursday afternoon. Our first time seeing each other in person since Wednesday.

[rj6602]

So yesterday afternoon she told me her dad had to work late but she`d call me when he was home and we would go. At 7 she called and said if he wasn`t back by 8 we would go another night. At 8 she called me again and said "He`s still not back but if he comes by 9 want to just hang out for an hour?"

So around 8:30 I finally picked her up and we just hung out. Went to get something to eat, went for a walk and just talked. We had an amazing time. It actually felt so normal and natural, just chatting up a storm.

As I dropped her back off at home, against my better judgement, I brought up "feelings".

We talked for nearly an hour parked outside her house, and she told me she isn`t ready to be in a relationship right now. She said she still wants to be friends, but asked me not to bring up "us" for a few months. She needs to figure herself out right now. If we`re "meant to be things will work out."

I told her I get it, I definitely want to stay friends too, and agreed to be just friends with no talk of anything else for a few months.

I`m not going to give up hoping, but will back off out of respect for her. No matter what I`ll always consider her an amazing friend and don`t want to lose her friendship.

[Arithmeticness]

I'd say that's about all you can do at this point. Hopefully you haven't lost the opportunity for a friend, but be prepared for her to drift away. Nasty fights and broken promises damage relationships, sometimes beyond repair. Make sure you remember that and learn from the mistakes you made. Sometimes we beat ourselves up for what we did wrong, we all do it. We look to the past and say "why didn't I...." or "why did i...." or "i wish i had...." but that isn't going to help at this point. All we can do is learn from our mistakes. Give those bad things we've done a positive spin by making ourselves better people from the consequences that we see happening as a result, and break the pattern.