Boyfriend is acting strangely lately

[Sakura_Pixie]

I'm kinda new here and it's my first time asking a forum for advice so I'm really hoping you can help me out.

The guy I'm dating doesn't live where I do but we are willing to make it work, at least I thought we both were.

We met on a dating site back in March and hit it off straight away, finding things in common with each other, some similarities within ourselves and our past experiences that we share.

We have had some problems with his last ex, she was trying to get him back as we had just started seeing each other and she was saying the same things that made him get back with her after she'd cheated on him (only for her to cheat on him again and then he met me a few months later) and he wasn't interested so he told me and he told her to leave him alone as he wanted things to work out with us etc. He suffers with depression and anxiety and takes medication for both and I suffer with both but I don't take medication for them. He would get annoyed with me if I ever put myself down, but he would always talk about his ex's or his ex fiance from when he was younger and basically made them sound amazing so I always wondered how I compared to them, being that he's American living in the UK and all his ex's were all American apart from his last ex who is English like me and living in the UK.
He then deleted his last ex from facebook because she was continuing to harass him and try and get him back but he didn't delete her from his phone I don't think. Things were going great for us bar the odd time when one of us was having a bad day and we'd feel low during the conversation but he would make me laugh and smile and vice versa.
Then recently he was feeling low so I asked him about it and he said he missed his last ex and missed hanging out with her and said some of the things they did together as friends and he said that he missed talking to her and that despite what she'd done to him she was a nice person. I found it hard to believe that he was saying these things about someone who had really hurt him and was trying to break us up. So I got angry at him because I started to worry he was still in love with her when he was supposed to like/love me. We almost ended the following day (Sunday July 22nd) and he told me he needed time to think about things and to give a day and so I did and he called me on Monday (23rd July) and said he was willing to give us a second chance and that some things needed to change, I had noticed he'd added his ex back on facebook and that she had called him. So my worries started again about losing him to her but the Monday conversation he was fine, the Tuesday (24th) however he was very short with me and said to me "we're not really having a conversation are we?" and granted we weren't talking much but it was because he was having a bad day and told me he didn't want to talk about it (usually he does talk to me about everything and is very open with me) so we ended the short conversation, then on the Wednesday (25th) he was fine again, very talkative, very sweet, we were both laughing and smiling and saying how much we liked/loved each other and he told me that he couldn't trust his ex 'as far as he could throw her' and that he was a 'one woman man' and 'would never cheat' so I would never lose him and I could ask anyone in his family if that was true and the conversation was long and really nice but Thursday (26th) he was very short with me and told me he was in pain but had taken pain killers and that he was going to lie down and then he'd text me when he was free to talk, he never texted me....so I wanted until a time I thought he might be free and called him (this was at 8pm) and it just rang and rang until the voice mail kicked in, I left a message asking if he was okay and that I would try again in an hour, I did that at 9pm and the same thing happened it rang and rang until the voice mail came on and did this again until it got to 11pm and then left it until today (Friday July 27th) I tried calling him mid afternoon 12pm time and it rang and rang until the voice mail kicked in I left a message saying I hoped he was okay and feeling better today and that I would try again later, so I called again at 3pm and it went straight to voice mail without ringing and it continued to do that every time I called him.
My phone has sadly been cutted off so I cannot call again until the August 12th, I said in my last voice mail message that I still liked him, that I was sorry if I had done/say anything wrong and that I hoped we were okay and for him to call me and talk to me but that the ball was in his court over that. I haven't had any response from him at all.

I am really worried something is going on behind my back and I have no way of finding out, but he has not been on facebook since Tuesday (he is a religious facebook addict so is ALWAYS on it so for him to not be on at all is worrying) so I just don't know what to do as I really love him and I do not want to lose him but I don't know what I can do as I can't see him until next week and I can't arrange a weekend together if I can't get a hold of him. And I'm worried about whether his ex is involving herself with him being that she is single and lives in the same city.

I have been crying since last night because I'm so scared and I had a horrible dream about him and his ex together and it's made me worry more.
I am really worried I have lost the one guy who has treated me the way I should be treated and who cares about me and loves me for more than just that typical 'I just want sex' thing that some guys get into relationships for. I can see a future with him as weird as it sounds after only 5 months.

Not sure if you can make multiple posts but I'm going to try this on other topics of the forum also to get all round advice if I can.
Any advice on what to do would be so amazing as I really love him and I do not want to lose him.

[pisces25]

Unfortuntely there is not a lot you can do. But him talking about his ex like that is a little disrespectful so I sympathise with your situation.

It sounds a bit worrying that he hasn't been on FB either. Is there anyway you can contact a mutual friend or family member to check he is ok?

As for the relationship side of things I guess you'll have to just wait til he gets in touch and then tell him how you are feeling. The relationship sounds volatile and would make anyone insecure. I suppose you have to weigh up if you want a relationship like that. I don't think he is treating you overly well but perhaps you have been treated bad in the past so maybe in comparison he is. But if my man went AWOL and didnt contact me for three days I'd seriously consider whether he is the right one for me.

[Sakura_Pixie]

Thing is the only person I can think to contact is his grandma, but even that can be tricky as in the past she hasn't been much help as she always tells me "I haven't had chance to see or talk to him today" and he has told me not to call her which is funny given that in previous weeks he was all about me talking to her and happy to let me talk to her if we were on the phone together and she happened to be around him.

I have been treated badly in the past, been cheated on a lot and from what his grandma has told me he's had the same treatment, even from his ex fiance who slept with his best friend and had a baby with him and then married him.
So he knows how it feels to be hurt. But I just want him to prove to me that the things I'm thinking aren't true and that he does love and care about me and want to only be with me but right now...I just don't know what to think or feel and I'm just so wondered about losing him because I care about him so much and he's the first guy I have fallen for and he's the first guy I actually see a future with (moving in together, getting married, having kids) and I just don't want whatever it is that's making him behave this way to end us and I want to be able to talk it out with him.

I'm even thinking of making a suggestion to his grandma when I get a chance to talk to her about coming up to visit for the weekend and for her to meet me at the train station and sort of....'surprise' him in a way just to prove to him that I'm still in this if he is and just try talking to him face to face as I feel it would be easier than trying to convey what I feel/need to say over a phone or to his voice mail.

But I just don't really know what else I can do, I'm hoping to move nearer to where he is soon because my family live near where he does and I have lived away from my family for many years and I've always been a homebird and I miss my family all the time when I'm not around them. But I don't want to make any choices if things with him aren't going to carry on and get better.

I have a lot on my plate with various things in my life that are getting me down and stressing me out and this was the one thing keeping me sane and happy/