I have a problem that I don't believe most guys have experience. I am severely traumatize by women. I have major post traumatic stress when I know that someone is interested in me. I have never been in a relationship because I can't get one to start and it always my fault. I been rejected twice in my life and I have rejected myself more times then I can count. I have been approach by several women including a girl I had a crush on for years and when she finally approach me i couldn't even tell her how I felt about her despite her telling me that she notices me before and was constantly flirting with me. She is the most beautiful college girl I have ever met, and the fact that she is attracted to me seem unreal. Needless to say I never saw her again after that night. It is the most painful thing I have ever experience as depression took over and I nearly failed college. Now I know what it like to be my own worst enemy. She never even knew how I felt about her.The few minutes I had with her felt like I was in a dream.
She wasn't the first girl to approach me, and she soon wouldn't be the last, but every time I got close to another girl, a wall would soon form. I am bless to know that women are attracted to me and some would approach me yet it seem silly that I can't be with someone. It like I got everything handed on a platter and still wouldn't take it. Some of my reaction is really not human. For example, when I get approach by a girl who I am attracted to, my guts response is I say hi and then excuse myself. Other times when I get a signal, smile, wink, I too also excuse myself. And lastly when a girl try to get close to me, I couldn't even look at her in the eye and say hi.
All these things happen in college which was a year ago, and since then I have probably fallen off the straight and narrow path more often than not. I don't know what to do at this point anymore. I'm just incapable of love I guess.