Old flame encounter

[Agg1221]

Ok so about 17 years ago I had this friend with benefits situation that lasted for years. The sex was awesome. I mean this guy might have not had the biggest but he knew exaxctly what to do to excite me. There was a lot of chemistry. Not only was there such passion he was my first in many sexual situations but not intercourse. I did offer though. After I lost my virginity to someone else we basically picked up were we left off. After many years of friends with rights, he ended up getting another girl pregnant and we parted. It was painful but I carried on with my life. In 2011 he contacted me through facebook. After exchanging numbers we talked it ends up we r both divorced. He was just in a relationship and it was very unstable. It was nice talking to him againg but I was still hurting from my divorce. We maintained contact and texted each other. Well a couple of months ago I made a dish for him and he kept my plate. After so many months he finally decides to return it. Then he changed his mind and asks me to pick it up. I did, when I was in his apartment and talking about things and about the past. Well one thing led to another and we ended up having that amazing, hot and passionate sex we used to have. I thought I had forgotten but instead I remembered how good it felt to be with him. The sex was just so good like time hadn't even passed. I thought he had forgotten about me but instead he remembered all the things I liked. He is 40 and I'm 37. I cannot stop thinking of what happened and I want more. Should I wait for his next move? Or should I just move on.

[Busted Ego]

I know as a man, I like when a woman is strong enough to know what she wants and verbally tells me. That's just a turn on for me. If your not so bold as in what I described then simply say to him "hey the other night was awesome. I'm surprised you remember me so well. Ttyl..." I think he will get the hint. Nice post.

[smackie9]

Obviously he had a plan to get sex out of you by luring you over to his place and it worked surprisingly well! So I'm sure when he is horny again and needs to get his rocks off you will be first on his list for a booty call.

[love_architect]

Having a good sexual skills is not a criteria for choosing your soul-mate ,remember you are a 37y, your priority should having a stable life .

[Agg1221]

Thank you for your response. However in regards to stability, well I'm not sure. You see I was married for almost 10 years, I have been single for two years, i am an educated woman and consider myself pretty independent. At this moment in my life, I just want to raise my daughter. To get involved in a full blown relationship seems impossible because my daughter is first on my list of priorities. I don't know if there is a man out there that can understand that. It is hard being a single mother but also it has it's advantages. Nonetheless, you know there are those needs a woman has and to be honest I don't want to screw entire world. I wish I can find some one who is exclusive yet give me the freedom to let me do what I need to do. I don't know if this experience has open a potential possibility, even if we never have another encounter I am glad it was with him and I am certain he will neve forget me

[Agg1221]

I wouldn't mind being first in his list

[Agg1221]

Don't mind being first one on his list

[love_architect]

Personally as a man i would be careful if I have to deal with you, you have shown weakness dealing with your old (sex) affairs, and something that I cant forgive is sheathing .

[smackie9]

You have to be honest with yourself here.....what do you really want. You can't have a part time committed relationship by your rules.....it isn't going to happen. The rules of dating have changed now that you have a child, and you have to realize you most likely can't have what you want. If you want just sex then FWB is fine but don't restrict that person from finding a GF or wanting to date others....that is selfish. If you get involved with someone, it is only fair that they will want to be involved with you and your daughter's life.


Now if you just are in it for sex, then go ahead and make the deal to him and see what he thinks, what do you have to lose?.....you have to realize you are going to need to keep your emotions in check. just set boundaries....don't get involved in each others lives. If he meets someone he wants to be exclusive with be prepared to see it end.

[Agg1221]

For starters I have never cheated like I said I have been divorced for TWO years! I have never considered cheating on my ex although I had opportunities and I hanged on to that relationship with my fangs. However I realized my husband was never gonna stop drinking and treat me like crap in front of his daughter. I have been in contact with this guy for a year and trust me I had a previous opportunities to screw him but couldn't because I was still grieving my previous relationship. Once before he had lure me to his house and although he tried I SAID NO! That I couldn't so I guess that shows you self control. Remember I was again already divorced and single. This second time was different. I wanted to be with him and there are no regrets

Smackie9

Perhaps you are right I am being selfish in that sense. I don't know what's gonna happen after this. But if there is an opportunity I guess I could give it a shot. He does have two kids from his previous marriage and I'm sure he would understand me. I guess bottom line is that I am scared shit less to te hurt again.

[love_architect]

I guess I am the "starter" ok, I have the right to impose my criteria too and been careful, specially when I am in front of a women like you, who have a controverted background (divorces, failure in love), I didnt say you are/was cheating but there is a big possibility that can happen in the future .

[Agg1221]

For starters I have never cheated like I said I have been divorced for TWO years! I have never considered cheating on my ex although I had opportunities and I hanged on to that relationship with my fangs. However I realized my husband was never gonna stop drinking and treat me like crap in front of his daughter. I have been in contact with this guy for a year and trust me I had a previous opportunities to screw him but couldn't because I was still grieving my previous relationship. Once before he had lure me to his house and although he tried I SAID NO! That I couldn't so I guess that shows you self control. Remember I was again already divorced and single. This second time was different. I wanted to be with him and there are no regrets

Smackie9

Perhaps you are right I am being selfish in that sense. I don't know what's gonna happen after this. But if there is an opportunity I guess I could give it a shot. He does have two kids from his previous marriage and I'm sure he would understand me. I guess bottom line is that I am scared shit less to te hurt again.

[smackie9]

Relationships are not without risk, but you can lessen the risk by using good communication. If you want to have a serious relationship this time around with him, have an honest open conversation with him about it.

I know it's 17 years later and people change, but I think you kinda ruined things for yourself by sleeping with him. He is under the impression this is just about sex and is going to treat it as such. Having that conversation with him instead of jumping into bed might be a better way to start things off. It is possible he will only be interested in the sex so you better get it out on the table before doing anything else.

[haxan]

At this moment in my life, I just want to raise my daughter. To get involved in a full blown relationship seems impossible because my daughter is first on my list of priorities. I don't know if there is a man out there that can understand that. It is hard being a single mother but also it has it's advantages. Nonetheless, you know there are those needs a woman has and to be honest I don't want to screw entire world. I wish I can find some one who is exclusive yet give me the freedom to let me do what I need to do.

That's asking for a lot. You're going to just have to ask him point blank if he'd go for that kind of a relationship. Even if he says he'll go for it, keep in mind he may say he's exclusive with you, but in reality a lot of time apart = a lot of time to have fun with other people. Not being in a serious relationship and spending a lot of time together, tbh, most men are going to play around.

[IndiReloaded]

That's asking for a lot. You're going to just have to ask him point blank if he'd go for that kind of a relationship. Even if he says he'll go for it, keep in mind he may say he's exclusive with you, but in reality a lot of time apart = a lot of time to have fun with other people. Not being in a serious relationship and spending a lot of time together, tbh, most men are going to play around.

Why is it asking a lot? I would think this is the ultimate freedom for a man. She's pretty much saying she would like a friend for sex and companionship without the hassle of a relationship. What is it she isn't giving this guy? The headache of a blended family (I think she mentioned he has children also)?

@ Agg - kudos to you for knowing your mind, leaving your bad marriage and putting your daughter first. Any man who doesn't respect your priorities and reasons isn't worth a relationship with. I think if you are patient, you will find someone who is forward-thinking enough to know that relationships evolve as trust develops. You'll be just fine.