Will I end up alone?

**Makesmewonder** · 31-07-12, 09:14 AM

Hello there, new poster here. I'm a 25 (almost 26) years old male who never had much luck with love. Ok, no luck at all. I never had a relationship, the only time where I think I was close it turned into nothing and now that girl got married, and I'm not a virgin because I ended up seeking... other methods (not particularly proud of that either. It doesn't help that I'm OCD, and my obsessions specially assent on my self-esteem and relations with the opposite sex... and it has reared it's ugly head enough times. Now I met a girl, and I like her but I don't even know if she likes me back. I've invited her to a movie but she's been unfortunatly busy, although we'll probably'll go this week... I hope (she hasn't told me yet when she can go, anf she's only available until wednesday). She is a strong willed and strong minded woman, who was able to see me for what I am and has been supportive. I can't help though, to be worried sick of already done something wrong even if she has assured me I haven't. I'm even wondering whether she wants to go to the movies with me at all... I've had previous bad expereinces which have ended up badly (for me of course) and I've endured enough heartbreak as it is. It's driving me mad, and I'm afraid that I'm gonna screw up again and end up alone forever (though some people have said that those previous experiences weren't my fault... but I'm not sure). I'm also unemployed at the moment (though I've been working a bit freelance lately, just not enough) and physically I'm not the best looking guy out there (chubby, already going bald, short...). I'm not the ideal man. I feel frustrated... Anyone can help?

**ScottMustaine** · 31-07-12, 09:33 AM

Youre gonna fail if you think you're gonna fail. So... Keep the atmosphere positive. Kino ( touch arms, hands , play with hair ) obviously at appropriate times... Dont make it look like retarded but you need to make her comfortable by you touching her. Giggling is best way in my eyes. Ask her if she has a boyfriend, if she says no. You got a signal to try to kiss her by the end of a date. Trust me. It's better to try to kiss her than to waste a chance. She will appriciate even if you tried to kiss her.

**Makesmewonder** · 31-07-12, 09:48 AM

Well the boyfriend part I already know... And isn't it too much to try and kiss on the first date?

**rafterman** · 31-07-12, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by ScottMustaine

Youre gonna fail if you think you're gonna fail. So... Keep the atmosphere positive. Kino ( touch arms, hands , play with hair ) obviously at appropriate times... Dont make it look like retarded but you need to make her comfortable by you touching her. Giggling is best way in my eyes. Ask her if she has a boyfriend, if she says no. You got a signal to try to kiss her by the end of a date. Trust me. It's better to try to kiss her than to waste a chance. She will appriciate even if you tried to kiss her.

Gee mate do you think he's even at that stage yet ?... No offence. He's clearly challenged by even setting up the initial date. Getting him to do the things you just mentioned would give him the same stress level, of a pilot landing a jumbo jet on an Aircraft Carrier. I will agree though, you need to sort your self esteem/ confidence issue.

**smackie9** · 31-07-12, 10:11 AM

Dude you are going to have to be positive, and stop over thinking or stop the repeat thinking. You need to learn not to focus all you thoughts on one thing. If she is busy stop messaging her, let her call you. If the allotted time goes by and she doesn't call just give it one more shot. If it is negative then let it go. Learn to not worry so much. The more you fret the worse you look to them. The less available you are to them, the more desired you can be so relax. maybe try and locate a dating coach to give you some tips, or take a flirting class. People at dating services put them on or at a local community college.

Tip: you can't possibly "like someone" or them to "like you" until you get to know one another, and that is what dating is all about. ....to get to know one another on dates to SEE if you do like each other....so basically as of now you are putting the cart before the horse.

**ScottMustaine** · 31-07-12, 05:50 PM

Originally Posted by rafterman

Gee mate do you think he's even at that stage yet ?... No offence. He's clearly challenged by even setting up the initial date. Getting him to do the things you just mentioned would give him the same stress level, of a pilot landing a jumbo jet on an Aircraft Carrier. I will agree though, you need to sort your self esteem/ confidence issue.

Well this is what I did. I was like him and after wasting two chances because I asked, I simply imagined I was some popular celebrity and acted as such. Fake it till you make it. After that I still didn't have confidence. But I worked on myself and I made it. I believe in him.

**oldskool83** · 31-07-12, 07:25 PM

if you have no confidence just be a morron. no really. have you ever see people laugh or talk to the person who just does not care about a thing.

looks are not everything, people learn to like how you look. so what if your balding, shave it all off big deal. i got a few grays but idk im still gonna rock my long hair no matter how many girls say they dont like but they always accept me for me.

just dont care, stop thinking, go into burger king and tell some cute girl who took your you love her when you leave. trust me, when she smiles and give you a funny look its because you didnt care what others think. dont have the balls then try somthing in a town where you dont live.

it works, i know this ive done it lol.

**Oh Really :}** · 31-07-12, 07:43 PM

Ok, im gonna go primal

Here is what i suggest.....You have made it very very clear that your not hot stuff right. Top of that you got OCD which for the un initiated can be a daunting thing, which is prolly why she'd rather go with you and with others tagging allong.

Ok so all that aside, here is the deal and where i go primal with my advice

And pls dont take offense, im cutting it straight for you and i hope you take it for what it is.

A weak animal in the wild (looks, lack of confidence, ocd, etc) will never survive in the wild unless it had a support group ^^ who has gotten to know him, that protect him allowing him to be just that much more confident than he would have been without them and Most definitely a little braver too.

SO relating this to you, what you described about yourself and the situation. Id say your best bet is not a face off as a solo. get in a group with females in the same group. Give them a little time to get to know you, what your about etc. And with time they will see less and less of the flaws you mention and more of who you really are. And thats where you wanna be. Take yourself out of the place where your weak and begin working yourself into a place where you can be comfortable and eventually confident mixed in with familiarity in a group setting.

Obviously these are just my suggestions, so have a think about it, try it out...what have you got to loose ? More pride ? Nah, you got nothing to loose mate.

Gl

**smackie9** · 31-07-12, 10:10 PM

I agree the group thing is ideal. Women are social creatures, and they ignore loners, because they see social awkwardness. And women will find you more approachable when you are with a bunch of buddies rather that lonely guy that sits at the bar all by himself. Make friends with everyone...the more people you know the better your chances of connecting with someone.

**oldskool83** · 31-07-12, 10:37 PM

or a dating site?

**smackie9** · 31-07-12, 10:43 PM

Dating sites are dog eat dog.

**rafterman** · 31-07-12, 10:50 PM

Originally Posted by ScottMustaine

Fake it till you make it. After that I still didn't have confidence. But I worked on myself and I made it. .

Yeah great, but faking it just ends up with with grief in the long run, your advice is lame. He needs to deal with the crux of the problem, if he wants any sort of dating success. This guy needs to learn how to "own" his dating scene. He needs a a solid job for a start....harsh? yes! He needs to feel comfortable in his own skin. ATM he does'nt.....There's heaps of work yet. If he pulled off any of that physical stuff at the movies, I reckon she'd call the 5-0.

**oldskool83** · 31-07-12, 10:53 PM

i know they are not the best but might open up some down to earth women you could possible hang with to make things litte easier. just a thought.

**rafterman** · 31-07-12, 11:00 PM

Originally Posted by smackie9

Dating sites are dog eat dog.

Ya, gee I've really had some show downs on there..... you've really got to have your sh!t together. LF has taught me well

**searock** · 31-07-12, 11:14 PM

Originally Posted by oldskool83

i know they are not the best but might open up some down to earth women you could possible hang with to make things litte easier. just a thought.

Are you saying down to earth women "are not the best"? What does that even mean?

OP, first of all you need to change your attitude. Stop thinking about getting a girl: focus on your social life, hang out with your friends (male and female), find new hobbies (preferably things that allow you to meet new people), get a stable job if you can, do sports... make your life the life you want to live.

Do you have female friends?

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