Whats going to happen next?

[rosie182]

I know, sounds like a dumb question cos no one is really going to know the answer, but il tell you my story anyway.

Started going out with a guy just under a year ago, we both fell madly in love with each other and have spent almost every day having the best time of our lives. Were the male and female version of each other, weve travelled together, been places saw things. We rarely argued and if we did was always over something stupid and we soon laughed about it. Everyone said we were the perfect couple, and of course I thought that too.

He is a soft hearted romantic kind of guy, he didnt have a proper girlfriend before, well none as serious as me. Hes in his twenties, quite mature for his age although parties alot, much like myself. He'd do anything for anyone and always tries to keep everyone happy. He worshiped the ground I walked on, as big headed as that sounds, but I could really tell that he loved me and he always made such an effort to show me that all the time.

A few nights ago he dropped a nuclear bomb on me out of the blue that he is moving to Australia with his friends for a year in 4 months time. Now, where we live in the UK is not a fantastic place to live. There arent many prospects for people unless you are really driven and can make a real effort, so alot of people are choosing to move out there.

I was shocked and angry at first, although I came to my senses and basically told him that we are too good to throw away and that its not until January so we would deal with it then ( bearing in mind this great plan has fallen through a few times for these guys before I was on the scene ) if it is definitely going to happen, and to get it out of his system and I will be here when he gets back.

He was sooo upset, I mean he literally broke down in front of my eyes, like ive never seen him before. He told me he loved me but it had to end now, ( emphasizing the had to ). I asked why it 'had to' and he didnt say anything. I went to walk out the door and he said 'dont go'. So i went to his room and stayed there all night, yet he slept in the living room downstairs. I cried my ****ing eyes out ( excuse my language but I cant stress enough how much lol ) , I even text him saying 'arent you gonna come up', but he just text back 'i love you so much'. I waited up all night and there was nothing, course i didnt wanna go down to him cos im stubborn like that. I left at 6.30am and havent slept since and have heard nothing since. That was 3 days ago.

Im in a complete state of shock, I cant understand the series of events that went on. Complete happiness with one another to all this and it seemed he didnt really want to break up with me, it was like he was being forced to do it.

He doesnt have alot of money and he really is a home bird, and knowing him like I do I cant see him surviving out there for too long. I just dont know why he'd do this to me and hasnt even tried talking it through.

I did the bad thing today and texted him ( not declaring my undying love dont worry, i just said 'are we going to actually talk about this' , which i thought was decent enough, but got no reply ). If hes really serious about this I need closure. One minute snuggled up in bed watchin tv together like we always did with not a care in the world, the next im alone. Its just alot to get my head around.

I just want to try and understand what is going through his head right now? The suspense is killing me and im so confused. Is this really what he wants, or is it his friends behind it all? Ive been through bad breakups before and in experience a man will usually come back to you once he has realised what he has lost, but something tells me this time is different. And why wont he talk about it? I know men go hiding in their cave when emotions come into play, but was that not a bit drastic?

If someone could give me advice id really appreciate it, id like to hear what you guys have to say.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Afraid to say that he has chosen his four friends and a year in Australia over your relationship for now. Obviously it wasn't an easy decision for him. He's upset because he's hurt you, he might be feeling like he was selfish and cold-hearted. He probably thought breaking up now would be kinder and easier than spending another four months growing closer. I think he's done it badly, but he might have (misguidedly) thought that would be the kindest thing to do.

I wouldn't underestimate his desire to stay out there, even if he is a home bird.

Sorry rosie, but time to face the music. Maybe let him know that you respect his decision, and ask if he wants to spend the next few months as friends and leave each other on good terms. Maybe in a year after he comes back you can rekindle what you had once.

[toknow]

You might be confused about what he is thinking, but you shouldn't be confused whether he loves you or not. He can not love you, and just throw away a relationship with you. So, one thing should be very clear to you from this - he doesn't love you.

What might be going through his head: Fun time with his buddies - women will almost 100% will be involved, so he probably wants to be single for the occasion. He might have met someone new, and if he truly loved you, he would not even have noticed that they are good looking let alone live you for them.

Again, with a very, very, very slight freak exception like someone threatened to hurt you if he didn't leave you, and other such cases, most of the time it's a clear, he doesn't love you. At least take solace in that fact.

[rosie182]

He text me in the early hours of this morning saying 'I cant sleep. This is the hardest thing ive ever had to do. I cant believe I hurt you like that, I love you and will think of you every morning and night.' So he basically summed up what you just said TheCafeTerrace, and mixed in a little mind screwing lol.

We kind of have to stay friends as we had quite alot planned like going to some great gigs together along with lots of our friends that neither of us will want to miss as we are both music lovers. Even if we didnt go to those we would bump into each other as we run in the same circles of friends anyway, so I will have to face him sometime, even if inside im dying.

toknow, I knew it was to do with women, of course it is. I think hes trying to live what he should of been doing when he was younger instead of being a mummys boy who was interested in nothing more than getting as drunk as possible on weekends. I probably gave him the confidence he needed, as ever since day one his friends, even the ones he is going with said he was overachieving lol.

My friend said something today that has stuck with me. 'If you love someone let them go, if they come back they are yours, if they dont, they were never yours in the first place.'

I wont hope on us rekindling what we had as that could end up another let down. Think its just time to move on, and maybe he'll think of me as the one that got away lol.

Thanks for your advice.

[toknow]

'If you love someone let them go, if they come back they are yours, if they dont, they were never yours in the first place.'

That is a ridiculous cliche which basically says that if you "love" someone, you should let them sleep around and if they come back to you, it was meant to be. Sounds gross to me.

This quote is used a lot during break ups, very convenient indeed.

[rosie182]

Okay, yeah prob is cliche but i never heard it before.

Obviously if he slept around that much I wouldnt look near him again.

#HeartbrokenButNotStupid