I met my husband when I was 17, married at 18.. 2 children and 7 years down the line I am starting to wonder why I am doing this, I dont agree with any of his views, despite being a fantastic father he can be very controlling over me, not like telling me what I can and cant do but making me feel bad which results in me making the choice he prefers, and this would be that I devote every minute to the home and family.
I am unable to have friends because he doesnt like the people I choose, he say they try leading me into a single way of life, taking me away from the family.
I then choose to loose the friends because it makes my life at home easier.
He drinks alot, sometimes although not often he will become extremely angry and say some horrible things to me, he brings up my dead relatives, degrading me and my birth family, he calls me some awful things too and it always comes to the point that we say we will split up but then a day later everything is fine again.
I dont think I love him like I should, I love him as in would never wish ill will on him and would strive to make him happy, being the father of my children I imagine I should feel this way but I cannot help want to enjoy my life freely without being tied to one man, Im young and I have never had my chance to enjoy myself, meet new people, experiance different things.
He is not very keen on working, (and doesnt work) and makes my work very difficult to do also with his mind games, he gets very upset over silly things and he always disaproves of anything I do/like.
Im not sexually attracted to him, if anything I am sexually attracted to other men!
He on the other hand say he loves me and never want to be apart from me, he say his life would be over if I left him.
I feel trapped, I cannot find the strength to leave and I am not sure why and how to fix it.
Someone told me to get angry and stay angry, but I fail to do this I just end up letting his behaviour make me unhappy.
I dont want to be old regretting not enjoying my life nor do I want to be old and regretting divorcing my husband.