Boyfriend is acting strangely lately

[Sakura_Pixie]

I'm kinda new here and it's my first time asking a forum for advice so I'm really hoping you can help me out.

The guy I'm dating doesn't live where I do but we are willing to make it work, at least I thought weboth were.

We met on a dating site back in March and hit it off straight away, finding things in common with each other, some similarities within ourselves and our past experiences that we share.

We have had some problems with his last ex, she was trying to get him back as we had just started seeing each other and she was saying the same things that made him get back with her after she'd cheated on him (only for her to cheat on him again and then he met me a few months later) and he wasn't interested so he told me and he told her to leave him alone as he wanted things to work out with us etc. He suffers with depression and anxiety and takes medication for both and I suffer with both but I don't take medication for them. He would get annoyed with me if I ever put myself down, but he would always talk about his ex's or his ex fiance from when he was younger and basically made them sound amazing so I always wondered how I compared to them, being that he's American living in the UK and all his ex's were all American apart from his last ex who is English like me and living in the UK.
He then deleted his last ex from facebook because she was continuing to harass him and try and get him back but he didn't delete her from his phone I don't think. Things were going great for us bar the odd time when one of us was having a bad day and we'd feel low during the conversation but he would make me laugh and smile and vice versa.
Then recently he was feeling low so I asked him about it and he said he missed his last ex and missed hanging out with her and said some of the things they did together as friends and he said that he missed talking to her and that despite what she'd done to him she was a nice person. I found it hard to believe that he was saying these things about someone who had really hurt him and was trying to break us up. So I got angry at him because I started to worry he was still in love with her when he was supposed to like/love me. We almost ended the following day (Sunday July 22nd) and he told me he needed time to think about things and to give a day and so I did and he called me on Monday (23rd July) and said he was willing to give us a second chance and that some things needed to change, I had noticed he'd added his ex back on facebook and that she had called him. So my worries started again about losing him to her but the Monday conversation he was fine, the Tuesday (24th) however he was very short with me and said to me "we're not really having a conversation are we?" and granted we weren't talking much but it was because he was having a bad day and told me he didn't want to talk about it (usually he does talk to me about everything and is very open with me) so we ended the short conversation, then on the Wednesday (25th) he was fine again, very talkative, very sweet, we were both laughing and smiling and saying how much we liked/loved each other and he told me that he couldn't trust his ex 'as far as he could throw her' and that he was a 'one woman man' and 'would never cheat' so I would never lose him and I could ask anyone in his family if that was true and the conversation was long and really nice but Thursday (26th) he was very short with me and told me he was in pain but had taken pain killers and that he was going to lie down and then he'd text me when he was free to talk, he never texted me....so I wanted until a time I thought he might be free and called him (this was at 8pm) and it just rang and rang until the voice mail kicked in, I left a message asking if he was okay and that I would try again in an hour, I did that at 9pm and the same thing happened it rang and rang until the voice mail came on and did this again until it got to 11pm and then left it until today (Friday July 27th) I tried calling him mid afternoon 12pm time and it rang and rang until the voice mail kicked in I left a message saying I hoped he was okay and feeling better today and that I would try again later, so I called again at 3pm and it went straight to voice mail without ringing and it continued to do that every time I called him.
My phone has sadly been cutted off so I cannot call again until the August 12th, I said in my last voice mail message that I still liked him, that I was sorry if I had done/say anything wrong and that I hoped we were okay and for him to call me and talk to me but that the ball was in his court over that. I haven't had any response from him at all.

I am really worried something is going on behind my back and I have no way of finding out, but he has not been on facebook since Tuesday (he is a religious facebook addict so is ALWAYS on it so for him to not be on at all is worrying) so I just don't know what to do as I really love him and I do not want to lose him but I don't know what I can do as I can't see him until next week and I can't arrange a weekend together if I can't get a hold of him. And I'm worried about whether his ex is involving herself with him being that she is single and lives in the same city.

I have been crying since last night because I'm so scared and I had a horrible dream about him and his ex together and it's made me worry more.
I am really worried I have lost the one guy who has treated me the way I should be treated and who cares about me and loves me for more than just that typical 'I just want sex' thing that some guys get into relationships for. I can see a future with him as weird as it sounds after only 5 months.

Not sure if you can make multiple posts but I'm going to try this on other topics of the forum also to get all round advice if I can.
Any advice on what to do would be so amazing as I really love him and I do not want to lose him.

[Cerby]

First, all the regulars read all the forums, no need to spider post, you'll just get flamed.

As for your post, as soon as he told you he missed his ex, that was your cue to exit. You're in a situation where his ex is still very much a player on the field, and the game might already be over based on the lack of response from him. If he contacts you, tell him you need some time away so he can sort out the problems with the ex, once she is completely out of his life, you might consider a chance.

[VincenzoG91]

There is nothing wrong with online dating, as long as you set your search parameters to strictly local. Long-distance relationships are tough, and if they didn't start out local, they are generally doomed. One of the two people in a long-distance relationhip is eventually going to need to move, and that may involve a big sacrifice. It's just easier to date locally in so many ways, as you are probably noticing right now while you don't have phone access. Forget this guy, get back to that dating site, and this time focus on guys who are strictly local.

[Sakura_Pixie]

I will be moving nearer soon though, so it wouldn't be a distance relationship for long. But I'm just wondering what's going on with him is all. It just seems strange for him to suddenly be cold like he is when we have had a good relationship so far.

[smackie9]

When the relationship goes cold that means they are talking with someone else (his ex) or they have found a new interest. Relocating for him is not a good idea until you find out what is truly gong on. Long distance can be risky...they can be married, dating someone else, or have many other interests on line.

[Sakura_Pixie]

I can see that. But he is blowing a bit cold but he did assure me that nothing was going on with anyone else and I have to admit I did ask his grandma before speaking to him if she had seen anyone else around him in THAT way and she said that he had spent most of his time going to doctors appointments and staying at home rather than seeing anyone or talking to anyone.

I will be hoping to try and speak to him tonight, I did speak to him last night but he wasn't in the best of moods but I feel part of that was down to him not having his medication and so he was irritable because his medication keeps him calm and by not having any he was angry.
I hope he will be in a lot better of a mood when I speak to him.

I can understand why he's acting this way because I'm sure he feels I will let him down again as I have made promises in the past that I sadly couldn't keep in the end and I get he most likely feels hurt by that and I will be trying to make it up to him and prove to him when I talk to him that I am willing to work on things if he is and I don't feel that given up on something which hasn't really been given a proper chance to start (i.e. we're dating but not in a relationship as such) and that if we are both willing work together it can work.

We are similar in some ways and so we can understand each other a lot better than most others can understand us. I would like to hope that I can arrange to meet up with him this week or if it's not possible then early next week so that I can discuss things in person with him, as I feel we haven't really done that when we should have, and that we can get all our feelings out in the open and thoughts about what we think of the possible start of a proper relationship etc. and if it results in me being hurt then well there won't be much I can do about it.

However my relocating isn't solely for the sake of him or a relationship with him as I do want to be nearer to my family anyway as I've been away from them for so many years that I feel lost where I'm living. But of course if a relationship were to happen between me and this man then of course me being nearer to him would benefit that.

He isn't married I know that much, and I'm assured by his grandma (as I said I spoke to her WAY before I spoke to him) that he's not been seeing anyone else, not even any of his male friends. He's only been in the house (he's temporarily living with his grandparents as he cannot afford his own place at the moment) or seeing his doctor because of his medical problems.
I feel that if he were seeing someone else that he would tell me as he's a very honest person towards me.

But as I said I will be trying to contact him again tonight to see first of all how he is as he wasn't so great yesterday but then to see if we can't arrange a time this week to see each other again so we can sit down and talk about things I think we both need to talk about and see where things go from there.

He has been hurt a lot in his past as so in some ways I feel he's scared he'll be hurt again, which is understandable as I feel that way too sometimes but I know that this man is a nice person deep down despite his problems and that he just needs to be reassured that I'm willing to be there and help him when he needs me and care about him always.

[smackie9]

Never listen to what they say, words are too easy, look at their actions and how they are treating you.....stop making excuses for him....what ever is going on, excuses will not change how it looks.

[Cerby]

This is like the female version of the Shining Knight syndrome. He has problems so you'll be there and help save him from them.

The problem is that he still loves his ex, and you're clinging onto this hope even though is has slipped well beyond grasp. I don't think you'll get him to meet with you, and even if you do, I think it will be a painful experience for you.

[oldskool83]

heres my rule for dating, 25 miles of 1 hour, which ever comes 1st. if you live in the country like i do theres nothing around for 10 miles half the time. you should have talked sooner about this distance if its farther or not. he said he missed his ex. i would never continue with a women if she said this.

if she said she misses having a man around thats a dif story. actions to speak louder then words or texts or facebook. i refuse to add a girl to facebook now because well i dont even use it. she can talk to me not stalk me.

[Sakura_Pixie]

Well things are better now, we talked it out and realised that there were things that were making the relationship side of things hard on each of us but we are now okay again. I am finding it hard to forgive him of course because it wasn't right for him to have treated me that way, but I realise that sometimes I would do things that were out of my character and that scared him a little as he thought I was trying to control his life and run it for him by making him change himself for me, but it's not about that. His ex is not in the picture anymore, he walked away from her and told her that she had no right to be in his life and affecting him and me and so she's now wherever she is but she's no longer around him and so I feel a lot better about that, I have spent some time with him a week in fact and so I have been able to show him who I am and given him the chance to show me him and so now we are doing a lot better than we were.

I mean we fight but what couple doesn't, but we are more closer now than we were and he comes to see me as much as I go to see him and we are willing to make this work because we know so much more about each other thanks to the time we spent together and it was just us, no grandparents or friends or other family around just me and him and it was pretty awesome.

[SunsetRainbow]

I hope you'll be okay.
But it's a big warning sign when someone says they misses their ex..