Hi,
I have a girl with whom I have been going around for like more than past 2 years. We have a good understanding over all. Over time, we have discussed several issues with a calm mind which we thought were the reasons for fights between us. So, we guess, we have a good understanding on most points. However, now it's on a more serious note. We are looking forward to our marriage.
Now, as everyone has certain points for marriage, in my case, it is this. Please note that this is my opinion and others may have different. Few things also depend on the country and culture from where we come. That is why I want you to read and give your idea/suggestions.
I always wanted to marry a girl who would take good care of family and give a lot of attention to the house. And considering this, her current job profile is in corporate where she would be working for 9 hours and be outside house for close to 11 hours. In such cases, according to me managing the house, the family would be very difficult. This is the reason, I wanted her to quit work after marriage. Since she said, it would be difficult for her to quit work, as she cannot sit at home, and this might create problems between us, she said she is ready to take up something lighter like Teaching/Interior Decoration or any other work apart from Corporate job where she would be occupied with work for the most part.
This was like a good plan and I agreed to it. However, there was 1 time in the past where she changed her mind and said, she wanted to continue working in IT/Corporate and like other girls are doing, she can also work. She said, at least she can try and then we can see if she can manage. So, this was contradicting our previous discussions and we had some fight over this.
After some discussions again, she said, she agrees it was her mistake to change her mind and now she would take up some job which is other than IT/Corporate. Till date, she did not change her mind though we have been quite out of touch for the past few months due to the marriage pressure on her.
Now, since we are looking forward to marrying each other. I wanted to pay attention to every point which can result in a fight later on or create problems. I do not want any sort of tensions related to this.
Here is the thing. I have told her that we will spend some time, meet each other, get to know each other much better and whatever clarifications we need from each other and whatever discussions we need to have before marriage, lets have it now. Its better to have all the discussions now and clarify rather than result in arguments, conflicts and fights later.
So, one of the points she put forward were. She wants to continue working after marriage since she is the only child of her parents and her father has retired from work. So she wants to be some kind of financial support to them as well. So, here is what I think:
How do I really make sure that she would not change her mind again and say later she wants to join IT/Corporate later again? Even though today she might say, she will take up some lighter job, there is also another condition. She would not be earning as much money in these lighter jobs such as Teaching/Interior Decoration and so on as compared to what she would be earning in IT/Corporate.
According to me, there is a possibility that l she comes back saying, I am not earning that well in my job, and I want to take up IT/Corporate again. Now, if this issue comes up post marriage, it will only result in conflicts and also too late to sort out. So, either one of us will be unhappy.
The only reason I think there is a possibility that this might happen is, with time, needs grow, she might start feeling her current job does not pay that well and she earned much better working in IT. Then, she might look forward to taking it up. And since she brings up the point of financially supporting her family after marriage as well, she might think this way.
Is there a way, I can check that she really intends to do what she says, I mean, to quit IT/Corporate post marriage and take up some lighter work? I mean, any questions that I can ask, any discussions that I can have with her?
One of the things I thought was, if she plans to quitting this work and taking up something else, then it needs to be clear thought for her. If it has to be teaching, then well, which subject, where? in School/College/University? Then she also needs to prepare for that. It is not like, you say, tomorrow I want to become a teacher and you become one.
Similarly, in the case of Interior Decoration, what kind of job, where? where does she plan to do the course to learn this stuff?
I believe one way to confirm whether she really intends to do it or is just saying for the sake of keeping me happy is to ask these questions. If she really intends on doing it, she should be doing some basic homework to collection information and details to do it!
Else, she is just saying for the time being and thinks that later she can easily convince me post marriage for working in IT/Corporate.
Honestly I do not want any such issues later and would love to have them clarified before than later.