I found a text message on my boyfriend's phone from an unknown number saying something like, 'If you need to chat', or 'i need to chat....not that you'll reply. The only reason I saw it was because my friend tapped on my boyfriend's phone thinking it was hers, whilst he was outside. When he came back in, my friend noticed he deleted the message. My friends all thought it seemed dodgy and told me I should approach him about it, which I did.
He broke down and insisted that it was nothing but some girl who he used to speak to, but stopped speaking to when he met me. At first he said he hasnt texted her since being with me, however later that night, he admitted he text her around Christmas time telling her that he didnt want to talk to her anymore and for her to stop. Apparently she texts every couple of months or so. He said he didnt tell me because he didnt want to worry me, but earlier in the year there was an incident with a creepy guy who I knew from years ago, which would have been the perfect time for him to tell me about this girl, but he didnt. It strikes odd that even after a year he hasnt mentioned me, and also I cant see someone continually texting someone who doesn't reply for a year, or says they don't want to talk. Surely, you 'd stop unless you were getting replies.
A week earlier, I had been working unsociable hours, and he went out drinking 4 times in a week, which is fair enough, but he doesn't even like clubbing. We spoke about that and he broke down again saying he didnt even plan to go out, it just happened and that he would never cheat, that he doesnt have it in him. He even said he was thinking about proposing, as a friend of mine was getting married abroad, and it got him thinking about what he wanted.
We've been together for a year now and are pretty laidback so these are the first major bust-ups that we've had. He's never given me a reason to suspect before other than he is on his phone lots and his computer, although he does speak to his best friend a lot.
Up until the text, I just didn't know if I was just over-tired, cranky and paranoid because of my job, which I'll be finishing soon thankfully. I was in a similar situation in a previous relationship and I was right to be wary, which my boyfriend knows about. However, things are slightly different in this one, as I am his first serious girlfriend, so I don't know if he may handle things differently if he doesnt have much experience.
I've never worried about him being unfaithful or anything, until now, I don't think he could do it, but I've been wrong before in the past in other relationships so I'm confused. That text and him not telling me about this girl, who's cropped up out of nowhere, has got me thinking about what other stuff he might not be telling me. I know everyone has a right to privacy and he doesnt have to tell me absolutely everything, but I feel like I've lost a bit of trust in him now. I haven't been the jealous, over-bearing girlfriend so far and I just don't want to become that either. If she sounded like just a friend, it'd be fine but I don't think she was just a friend. Am I over-reacting? How should I handle things now?
Any help would be great, thanks!