Can't get through to girlfriend

[p1981]

Hey
I've been dating my gf for a little over 2 yrs. We became sexual quickly and for a year dated casually. Past year things started getting more serious and she moves in with me. We both live with my mom. I realize I am not perfect, I am a mix of strengths and flaws, but lately I feel like our relationship is going nowhere. She has a lot of issues that stem from abuse as a child, sexual, physical, and verbal. I am sensitive to the fact that these things can seriously damage a person. She has anxiety issues and freezes often when doing things. For example, her car was a disaster so I suggested she clean it, providing the supplies, equipment, etc. Well like 15 min into it she gets frustrated and gives up. I end up stopping what I'm doing to clean her car. She is very messy in general, constantly leaves lights on, things out, etc. She is very nice and extremely sweet and this makes me feel like an asshole for getting upset at her for things that actually upset me. When I try to mention something to her she always turns around and says "well you do the same thing" or you do this and you do that. She gets very defensive. Its very frustrating and I am confused. Is this girl never going to change? Sometimes I feel that way, like I will always get stuck doing the dirty work. Any input about what is going on with her?
P

[HeartIsAching]

No, she's not going to change. You can either be controlling about it, or live with it. If you're controlling about it and she can't live with it, eventually she'll kick you to the curb. If you can't stand it and are not controlling about it and can't live with it, you'll wind up kicking her to the curb.

You've got choices to make.

[nackyBowBow]

She needs counseling! It is nearly impossible to get out of that rut without professional help or at least a support group... she deserves to be happy and you do too. If I were you, I would find a therapist or a support group for childhood abuse and take her there, wait for her, and take her home. Be aware that this is going to be extremely difficult for her, and be as supportive as possible!